THIS IS WHAT I’VE BEEN READING FOR YEARS!!! FINALLY! ENJOY!
THIS IS WHAT I’VE BEEN READING FOR YEARS!!! FINALLY! ENJOY!
What is Plum Tired? Is it a knock-off of ‘Plain,’ a slur, possibly? It was something my Grandparents and Parents used to say, only when they said it, it sounded like Plumm Tard. I’m curious where the word originated, and may just have to google it… lol Kind of like Tee-ToteLin Drunk and Given ‘em What For. What?? Although I do find it fkn hilarious when people ask me how I am, and I answer, “Fine as a Frog’s Hair!” Stops ‘em cold every time. lol Unless of course I’m telling it to someone from the Midwest. They’ve heard it all before. Its also fun to add in a southern accent, so I sound like a hick. lol pretty much how I sounded while growing up in Indiana.
I still don’t get the Plum Tired, thing tho.
My Plum tree doesn’t sag, but then again, it’s only 2 years old now, and this was the first bloom it made this year! It was huge, like a foot wide, with three long points, but unusual in that the bunch of flowers was all on one single stem. I’m guessing I may get ONE single plum off it, too. I didn’t know it had a bloom similar to my Butterfly Bushes, that are now trees, and also my Lilac tree. How weird that all the trees in my yard, have the same type of blooms, all in purple. You’d think purple was my favorite color, which it is… by I had no idea my plum tree had a purple bloom. Now I have three shades of the same flower. I would say it was 3 years old, but the drunk landscape guy weed-eated it the first year. To the dirt.
I planted four or five twigs, 15 years ago, knowing they were Butterfly Bushes, and would have the multi-flower cones in dark purple…but I didn’t know they would grow into two huge trees, that are now almost 30 feet tall. The trunks are a foot round, and look like three twigs gnarled into one. It makes then look ancient, and really cool. The Lilac tree was here when I moved in, but only had 5-9 separate trunks; which has morphed into this multi-trunked mangled mess, with about 25-30 individual trunks, all crammed into a 3 foot circle. Didn’t know Lilac’s grew like that either…and if anyone out there knows, here is question for ya: CAN YOU DIG UP THE INDIVIDUAL STEMS/TRUNKS of a Lilac Tree AND MOVE THEM?? OR IS IT ALL ONE ROOT SYSTEM, AND IT WOULD KILL IT TO CUT INTO IT?? If anyone knows that answer, feel free to chime in… I would love to move them to other parts of the yard, but don’t want to damage it by digging, if it’s not a good idea.
Anyway, like I said, I’m Plum Tired, so off I go to bed, instead of flying… after weeks, it’s nice to have a cloudy overcast day, where I can sleep for 15 hours! Have a BLESSED DAY ALL, ZZZZzzzzzz
butterfly on the left, lilac on the right, although it looks pink in this pic, it’s really a pale purple. this was the end of the flowering cycle, and it was fading into pink. nice, huh?
Man hasn’t ruined, stepped upon this ground
not sacred, not lost, blessedly not found
high upon mountains reaching for the sky
only paws and claws had been this high
Revealing life through a pale purple mist
untouched, serene as a cool soft kiss
a glimpse into the future, a peaceful sigh
Glory silently spilling… just across the sky
Its a stencil of life, simple and honestly true
loving Father first, all souls, everything under blue
spreading joy, honor, innocence and candor
no reason for deceit, for this is much grander
Wildly simple, cherish it all, living off this wonderland
now see His son, head bowed, reaching for His hand
nothing else to speak of, or see, only birds flew over today
but Yeshuah cut the path, knew the truth… knows the way
It may have been covered in His precious blood
preempted by warnings of this angry flood
dripping below into caverns, pooling on His mercy seat
His love for a lost species not once wavering in the heat
Flying like a bird, soaring on pure white wings
a million angels laughing, rejoicing, a massive choir sings
landing on these untouched mountains, a divine dome
then He rose beyond… following that same path home
listen to it’s heart
opening wide to die
Why do you suppose He made leaves to turn red instead of brown when they die
Why do you suppose He made some life to become a flower instead of adding one
Can you imagine the mind of The Creator
A billion billion life forms, all made from the same stuff, but each unique and singular
A billion billion planets, all made from the same stuff, but each unique and splendid
A billion billion galaxies, and we can only see a few
How much time do you think it took Him
And just how Amazing is HE
Pretty Freaking, if you ask me!
Wow! Where have I been? lol been weeks of this… off and on.… look up…. this beautiful street of dreams is just what Paraglider Pilot’s LOVE! I mean LOVE!!!! When its sunny out… If you can catch the thermal off the mountain, and get up under this type of cloud formation, you can “cloud-hop” to the end… these ended at the ocean. They form in the same pattern as volcanoes… only moving with the wind and forming one after another in a perfect line. Clouds make their own thermals, and they can pull you up hundreds of feet very quickly and swallow you if you’re not careful.
It was a gorgeous day, I think last month or so… that makes anyone who’s flying an addict. I get real nervous, flying near clouds, because they can suck you in if you get too close. Which isn’t all bad… except here in the NW, the clouds can turn ugly and wet in a blink. Dark clouds are scary! lol we all avoid them! Mostly because flying wet is like flying like a rock.
I stay far below them, and can’t hop very far yet, but I’m learning. By the end of summer, I should be hitting another launch site we have up in Blanchard… but first I have to figure out how to get back home. lol second, I have to figure out how to change my pants while in flight! thermals make my heart race. They can be very strong winds and collapse your wing as you fly in and out of them, if you’re not paying close attention, the turbulence is sudden. You’re flying along in smooth gentle air and run smack into a wall of churning wind that’s going up and in a new direction. AAAAAA… that is my usual response. That and DAD!
I’ve missed you all… if you’re even still out there. I would promise to come back and write daily, but with summer just about here, I can’t make any promises. I’ll be grinning from ear to ear at 5000-10,000 feet, if you need me. I will promise to write more… than what I have been, which has been nothing… that’s always easy.
Take care all, and if you see a bright red wing with a blue strip, look up and wave… it could be me… about to land on you… so RUN! I got NO control!!! lmao, I do.
Do you feel the Terror
the deep darkness swirling
fingers of death pinching your soul
dragging you away from the light
howling for your flesh and will
Do you hear the Snare
the call of the wasted life
twisted into proud emptiness
grasping at your bright spirit
with claws and clubs of fear
tripping and ripping at your heart
Do you see the Pit
full of screams full of terror
echoes of hate and endless pain
slimed on the sides with cruelty
overflowing it reaches for you
void of light
void of hope
void of love
based loosely on Isaiah 24-17
My internet has been down… due to me FIRING Centurylink… they suck!
So I’ve been gone for some time, flying mostly anyway, and not spending any time at all writing here… but what I did do… is lay down some rules for the month of October…
While my internet is down, I WILL FINISH my latest work of art, my novel, A Hot Mess of Murder… BEFORE November 1st… when Nanowrimo starts up again, and I have to start a whole new novel.
Therefore, I probably won’t post much here, but I did need to post this, to MAKE myself keep to my goals. This novel was created for the most part 2 years ago, and then life took over. Mostly, my new life as a paraglider! GAWD… I cannot get enough. Writing just got thrown to the wayside.
Anyway, I just wanted to pop in, and say… HELLO, MISSED YOU ALL, and SEE YA SOON….
HAVE A BLESSED DAY ALL!!
Driving forward, nothing can stop him
With the will of a weed, he will steer
Through the chaos that fills every moment
Squealing tires and melting hearts, with little to no fear
Determined to make a life long remembered
His grip tight and spirit second to none
Taking his life and the world by storm
Transcending the scar of a forsaken son
No doubts trouble his insightful vision
Plowing through problems with ease and grace
His strength growing with each passing year
Determined to conquer and win each race
Shining his light into the darkest of realms
His fire for life a rare maternal element
Blinding en masse as his journey unfolds
His passion leads him to complete fulfillment
He will make each of his dreams happen
He’s a supernova just waiting to explode
Coupled with traits such as will and desire
Nothing can stop him or veer him off road
His soft and gentle blood ran in red rapids
While His torturous death gave me my life
How I ache to become His devoted wife
Sadly I deign to think He’d have me
It’s discerning to learn I can’t repay Him
I’m disgusted my blood is soured and weak
Yet His hope is filling an empty vessel
Dripping in time with each weeping need
Holiness replacing my soul with a lamb
Drowning me until I’m finally freed
Suddenly I’m high with unbelievable spirit
My drumming heartbeat flows into music
For I will always be deemed worthy
Without one single second thought
Someday soon I will be His Adoring Wife
Because His Pure Love Gave Me Life
As His hope is filling an empty vessel
Dripping in time with each weeping need
Holiness replacing my soul with a lamb
Drowning me until I’m finally freed
busy, always so busy
buzzing from one stray thought to another
around a stalk of witless obsession
a deep need filled with perceptions
of life, the edges of a feathered fracture
to tap dance across
on a breeze of easy answers
as life, bored into years of numbness
becomes a drone hovering
you are gliding in emptiness
and your heart has missed its journey
never pausing your flight to wonder why
not even for one slender moment
so long as you are busy,
busy, always so busy
Wake up sheeple, we’re all just Mashed Potatoes and Gravy… all mixed up together!
THE ONLY THING THAT DETERMINES SKIN COLOR IS THE SUN!
If your family lives near the equator, you will have darker skin, to reflect the sun’s damaging rays and protect you from too much Vitamin D absorption.
The need for the right amount of Vitamin D is copied into our DNA and passed down to our children to keep them healthy.
THIS IS THE ONLY REASON WE HAVE DIFFERENT SHADES OF HUMANS!!!
SO WAKE UP ALL YOU IDIOT BIGOTS AND RACISTS!!! WE ARE ALL THE SAME!!!!!!!
oh, His eyes
were windows into my soul
an arrow slicing
into the desperate bottom
I had slid to
the faded shame
still circling the edges
of my darkest moment
accenting the distant light
as it floods over the brim
no stone untouched
except the one
I sat upon
wallowing in my own past
His eyes warmed
and I knew His love again
as the light drew nearer
touched my heart
pulling ever pulling
as if a blackbird
stretching the darkness
until it snapped
show your elegant petals, open wide
no matter how tough or strong
they have a subtle purpose, pad aside
designed to echo a simple song
of love from one singing, to another
where slime creeps trying to belong
a mire of sad souls calling, don’t bother
they just keep singing the same old song
but you are special, in so many ways
not like the scum on the surface
let the ooze of life, seen for all your days
float on by a sludge without purpose
while you are rare, you will remain
strong at heart, beauty hidden inside
ignore the slime, their power will wane
you’ll shine gloriously, they’ll run and hide
silver colored rain splatters upon the ground
spreading out like running sheep
hands flinging fingers open wide
making a point before a beep
muscles pulling the grandest jete
toes reaching the horizon in a leap
the minds of children creating joy
dreaming wildly while sound asleep
the look of new parents in any species
their tears of love uncontrollably seep
or me flying like a majestic bird
making memories I will forever keep
as easily as the trees in the breeze
the simple loves in life
make me weep
I wrote this because a friend and I were discussing how often she cries when people are mean to her. Its part of our job to deal with assholes, but it occurred to me when she said this, that I cry due to joy more often than anything else. Sure, I’m very empathetic and I cry easily if a friend is sad, and I’ll admit I have cried while watching many different types of moves, ie, the Green Mile, Phenomenon, where I bawled like a baby, and even at the end of Armageddon. (more for her losing her father, than for BW dying. lol ) Still for the most part, with mean people, I tend to get very Motherly and put them in their place. Even if I need to yell to do it! lol But my friend has a tender heart, isn’t very tough on the inside, and lets people walk all over her, which is sad, but I think a huge waste of tears. Those who are mean are just assholes, and you just have to let it wash over you, knowing they are miserable and will always be. Not my problem, not me that caused theirs. Simple as that.
But I’ve also learned over the years, it’s hard to teach someone to be strong, when they have no faith to give them strength. People say all the time…. OH I BELIEVE IN GOD… yet they have never once given their problem to God, wholeheartedly believed HE would take care of it, and relaxed back in the peace that this simple surrender will give. BUT YOU MUST HAVE FAITH. You must truly believe HE WILL HANDLE IT… and most people don’t.
They’re all about lip service.
I do it daily. Usually in the morning while I drive somewhere. For some reason God and I do a lot of chatting in my truck. I ask for parking lot angels, idiot angels to keep me safe on the highway from idiot terrourrists, whatever I need, God wants me to ask Him to do it… so I do. And I am peaceful inside, not worrying about anything, throughout most of my day. Some days, yeah, I’m tired, loose my temper and have to shut someone up… but hey, no one’s perfect. lol And God knows me inside and out. He knew I was going to do that. So why get upset, why chastise myself for not handling it right? Nope, I move on. Life is TOO SHORT to worry about the little shit. God knows why I reacted the way I did, and I ask him to forgive me when I know I’ve been wrong.
But folks, all in all, with all the weird problems in my life, I am a pretty happy person!
I find peace daily.
So, here’s my question for you all today….
Is it possible we can ‘earn’ immortality?
Or… for the other side of the coin; could we ‘evolve’ into it, on our own?
Someone mentioned it, and I can’t stop thinking about it. So here’s my thoughts, don’t forget to share yours.
On the one hand, there is a God, but scripture’s say it is not the deeds you do, it is the love you have inside for God, everything else, everyone else, that gets you into heaven… the eternal mortality that God offers is the goal; the bait; the one thing you do not have here on Earth. You’ve experienced love, been loved (hopefully) by at least one other being in your life, so maybe a new Daddy figure isn’t something you feel you need. But to live forever… FOR EVER? It would be cool and boring, probably at the same time, and if everyone you loved wasn’t immortal, it would be amazing yet incredibly sad. But think about it, if we all lived forever, here on Earth, we would be wall to wall people… the planet couldn’t support us all… it would be much like it is now, with a lot more starvation thrown in. A lot.
But what if immortal doesn’t mean with your current body? What if immortal is impossible with our body?
Would you want it with your soul? Would you want it if they told you your brain went with it?? Or I should say, your mind? How about your heart; your love? Your feelings?? Wouldn’t you need all these things, for immortality to work? So where do our thoughts, feelings and love come from, if not our soul? Our brain tells our lungs to breathe; but what tells your lungs to hold your breath when you kiss? Or swim? Or blow up a balloon? This is your mind, not your brain. This is you… part of your soul. It floods you with warmth when you’re happy, and it chills you when someone you love dies. It rises up to sing with your favorite song. It explodes in your heart when you hold your child for the first time forcing you to cry with joy.
All this … does it go with your soul? Of course. It is your soul. This is what will become immortal with God. You. Your essence. Your entire soul. And from what I hear, you get the coolest set of WINGS to boot! So in some way… they have to be attached to you…. so you must end up with a body of some sort…right???
Now we go to the evolving aspect. It must be possible, somewhere, somehow, because we know how DNA works. Say you’re the one being on a planet who’s DNA alters just enough to where your cells never die, they just recycle themselves in some way… yes you would be the first…
but think about it… out of the BILLIONS of species on this planet, I would guess ALL of them… ALL of them have NEVER ONCE had their genes mutate into immortality. Are WE humans really that special that our DNA would suddenly evolve in a different way than every other species on this planet? If you believe in evolution, you also believe that something had to have seeded this planet with life, ie, bacteria from asteroids…etc.
That being said, literally, anything is possible. We know so little about our lives, our bodies, the world… the universes… it’s embarrassing really. But, we have only been around for about 10,000 years. Compare that to …. frogs… and you’d be blushing again, they’ve been around for over 200 million years…. so lets pick something younger in eon terms… how about a simple rose…. not even close, they’ve been around for about 35 million years… I could go on… my point… we are the youngest species on this planet. With maybe 10 other exceptions, mostly crap our lab tech’s have grown.. that they shouldn’t have!
There are also a few worms, flies and brine shrimp that can all go into suspended animation… the brine can survive up to 10,000 years… add water, and bam, you’ve got brine shrimp… but that’s only suspending life, not living eternally… and well, they’re bugs ya’ll! Bugs! lol they don’t even know what being alive is.
So the chances that we could alter ourselves into immortality is pretty ridiculous. The fact that we don’t even understand HOW our cells know when to change, or why… or what made that protein decide to turn on a switch… folks… we don’t know SHIT! OK! We only know the obvious, and that’s about .0000009% of what we need to know.
So my view is obvious… unless you’re severely slow you’ve figured it out by now… I say, go with God! He’s your best bet at becoming immortal! I truly don’t see us, a bacteria ourselves, evolving into anything as spectacular as an immortal being! But you will never earn it, with good deeds. You just have to LOVE!!! And it’s so easy to love God, and everything and everyone else… try it sometime.
Just go one day… where every single thing you see, every person, dog, flower… from the mailman to the boss you hate every other day… and be kind to them. Show them love. And SEE what happens. Maybe nothing, maybe not… either way, sit back and FEEL what you did.
ENJOY that feeling of peace and happiness that your entire body has been tricked into feeling! Sink into it. Each time you are kind, people usually show you thanks, or love…. each time you reach out and touch someone physically, you are giving love, and USUALLY you will get love back. (now don’t be getting all pervy… lol) JUST TRY IT!!! And you will see… that feeling this way… is the GREATEST thing on earth. Right up there with the immortality you are going to experience!!
It never seems to stop
It flows into wideness
pushing at sloped walls
fraught with turbulence
sanded by stone
ingrained in the depths
of your soul.
You will know
when you immerse yourself
in a stream of truth;
just ask yourself
is it prodding you
onto an easier path
or simply goading you
over a cliff ??
just a wisp of dandy perfection
this tiny feathered flight
such is God’s amazing design
His little Lion of the Light
with a feathered flower seed
to float on boneless wings
for a Grace-filled rebirth
just like His Lion of All Kings
even as a dusty desert rose
the only beauty in rough sand
her seeds are beyond precious
dancing across the driest land
growing by seeds in a milky cocoon
butterfly children are painted
born with a bright life in mind
their acceptance of color sainted
as ever amongst nature’s life
from massive to micro-Glory He shines
for no one has God’s creative heart
or can fathom His Holy designs
A whisper of hello, she shimmered as if I’d startled her, eyes tiny pools with mischief dancing in time to her swirl, waiting to see if my eyes followed her or if perhaps I was only speaking to the voices singing softly in a babble. Grinning at the distorted trees wavering in her light, I said, I see you, eyebrows raising with an instant ornery glee. Father will be so mad at me, she said with a burst of mirth, spinning in a happy blur, rainbow sparks flying from her glow, laughter twinkling between the leaves, as soft pink becomes orange glory, sunshine meshing with purple haze, and neon green deepening into a blue jazz only she heard. Oh, but to breathe in the pine and decay and flowers, I’ve missed it so-o-o-o, she said, climbing an imaginary stair, swirling down the neck of a tree, a barbershop pole of rainbow color, her laughter melting into a puddle, merging into the river below with a swish of a rainbow trout’s tail, with only bubbles reaching the surface to burst with the joy of existing, even if only, just for a moment.
some days I stand
in a warm wind
and just listen
to the world
blanking out life
inhaling a fresh
moment of peace
as the breeze
ruffles my hair
and if the moon is up
I watch the clouds
tickling at its sides
brightening its pale face
or if the sun is up
the birds are so loud
I hear them singing
through the bright blur
of a windswept morning
and watch the trees
bowing have a good day
with a natural kindness
to me… just me alone
standing in a warm wind
she was never one for waiting
chasing whatever lit her heart
into a flame
except that one time
she’ll never forget
for it lasted for years
the dreams day and night
the never ending waiting
that never ended
it was just gone one day
leaving an empty hole
where love had once curled up
surrounded by a glow
of innocence and optimism
until the waiting dragged on
like a painful tooth ache
or a throbbing migraine
she’d tried to end it all
but God stopped her
but not the never ending
the never ending ache
darkening her soul
that never ended
for he had always said
time gives everything
to those who wait
and she’d waited
through the greatest years
of her life
a part of her had waited
always been waiting
THANKS TO ALL OF YOU FOR 4 GREAT YEARS!
Evidently March of 2012 I started this blog, and have managed to keep it going for 4 years! Congrats to ME! lol You have to understand, being ADHD, this is quite the feat. I normally last about 2 years doing anything, before I’m bored and move on. This includes any type of exercise, sex, work, or play I get involved in. I’m not joking in the least, most of life has come and gone for me. I’ve lived in 10 different states, and only plan on leaving here… for Alaska… but still haven’t talked my self into that one… it would be a one way trip, I’m sure. lol I’ve had so many different types of employment, from military to factory worker to secretary to field geologist, security officer…hahaha… to property manager, postal worker…eeeek….and that’s just what I can think of off the top of my pointy head… good Lord!… not counting motherhood of course… and I can’t remember how many there are… at least 20 or some awful amount I‘m sure. My running record is 3 years max at any one job. Well, other than writing, of course. I mean a job that pays!
And you know what, I could care less that I don’t have a huge pension coming from some company I slaved at for 30 years… doing the same damn thing over and over and over again….by now I would have blown my head off! Jumped off a tall building, something… to bring life into me. ha! I say congrats to all of you who have managed to do this… I wish you luck… and a happy retirement. But for me… I LIVE FOR TODAY BABY!
I spend all my extra money on playing, because saving more than $5000 is ridiculous in my book. Money is always losing value, you can’t trust the stock market, or bonds even… so I say “have a blast”!
Anyway, sorry, got distracted there…hahaha I said ADHD!!!
So, managing to keep this blog up and running… well, I have to say… I owe it all to you! All of YOU!!! out there, who comment sincerely, I love you all!!
I also thank GOD, YHVH, The One and Only, for inspiring me to start it, and gives me the words when I ask. He gives me ALL my poetry for Him, even helps me write other stories, He inspires my stained glass, and steadies my hand for photography, but mostly… HE GIVES ME PEACE AND JOY!!! Like nothing else I’ve ever found.
You ALL make my day! You give me inspiration! and you give me FRIENDSHIP I can’t find anywhere else!
THANKS TO ALL OF YOU FOR 4 GREAT YEARS!!!!
life seems heavier
balanced across our backs
holding us in place far longer
than the welcome was intended
moving forward in some small way
blends into a more fluid journey
a flow of experiences too deep
and too powerful to imagine
how easy it is to transcend
watching or standing still is useless
supporting the bulk of inertia
lumped together with reality
surrounded by perpetual motion
results in veracious roots
clinging to rotting vegetation
in a disturbed current
collapsing into an avalanche
soiled in the past
not a soul around to hear
a haunting call in the wind
drawn into brushed clouds
vanishing in a single stroke
the world below too far
to care to feel to see to hear
the song of silent space
whipping by in an echo
of voices of time of shifting
drifting in a seamless flow
of paint on a canvas gliding
across an ocean of blue heaven
one gust away from beyond
where the stars reach out
brightening a shining lure
to fill the emptiness aloft
the loneliness soaring high
spreading outward in infinity
the sound of yearning singing
of one hope
not a soul around to hear
A gentleman walks by me, pleasant as pie, smiles and says “Mornin’”. The green dress clashes terribly a in huge fashion faux pas by partnering it with dirty brown Muck Lucks; white tube socks rolled to the knee cap. He’s a regular, and likes to chat a bit. One hand gently pressed against his lower lip as he waits for my response. Today his nails are black, but only a misshaped swampy island in the center of each.
“How’s it going?” My smile stiffens as I realize what I just said. To me, that’s like saying “hello”. With friends, it’s a real question, but acquaintances, not so much. It’s habit. I wish I was hiding under one. Tonight I’m tired. Didn’t get even an hours’ sleep. My back hurts. I’m just not in a good mood.
I try to lighten lives every day, thinking by sharing one tiny personal bit of info with another person, it shows they are not alone. I’ve done this my entire life, ever since a friend of mine died when we were young. It ended up being a freak accident. But suicide had been a topic we were all interested in at the time, I can’t remember why, but maybe it was just our age. My friend had written something and it grew into my roots. “If just one person had acted like I mattered, anyone, I wouldn’t have done it.”
Sitting on her bed, as I read her diary, she’d written a suicide note just weeks before, getting ready. She’d changed her mind; I never new why, but she didn’t do it. Just the idea of it, hurt my soul. I thought her life was fine. I also thought I was her friend, her good friend. Yet I had no idea she was contemplating suicide. I’d heard her say many times, that she felt alone in school, at home, even when she was out with friends. She felt apart, somehow. We always seemed to have fun, to me.
It stayed with me, became part of me, became a first response for me. I’ve always joked with people, strangers, friends… always. I love to laugh. And for the most part, I take the time to listen to people, even when they’re ranting, because everyone needs to be heard.
So the gentleman smirks, and launches into his latest problem; he needs a new razor blade for his electric razor, which I know instantly we only carry the cheap plastic emergency kind in the store. His full beard is at least an inch long, so I grin and say, “Well, I guess you’ll just have to become a Quaker.”
His giggle becomes a twitter and I try to make my escape. Three more times he comes to the counter and pulls out the hair and grease filled razor, showing me the old blade, in the hopes that new ones will magically appear. Each time my skin crawls at the nasty wad of pubes still stuck inside.
His last trip to the counter was timed to coincide with an empty store. Razor now back in the bag over his wrist, he says to me, “I want you to know I appreciate the fact that I never get the “judgy” tone from you. You talk to me like I’m “normal”. I just wanted to say thanks.” He was blushing a lovely shade of apricot, his eyes sparkled in the bright light.
I said, “The day I become perfect, is the day I will judge you. And you are normal. You are more normal than a lot of people I know.” For someone who was almost six feet tall, he ducked his head down so low I couldn’t see his eyes any longer, but his hand darted out and squeezed mine quickly before he left the store at a run.
I smiled, feeling good for a moment, and thought, “Now, how will I break it to him that the Muck Luck’s make him look like Grandma Eskimo!”
Another day… another try.
her knee peeked at her through an un-mendable hole
flannel two sizes too large billowing above three floors
of open space with six feet of ‘the willies’ to go
where the echoes of his laughter egged her on
here gripped the hand-me-down queen of clubs
completing the dare, it was always about the dare
the wall moved in a leaf killing wind
he picked his nose waiting in a silhouette
of sunshine streaming through the peak’s window
elbows shaking, her nails digging into ancient wood
giant “X’s” of two inch rotting death
for the hay pile below was almost as old
as the memories she would carry to her grave
of his hair glimmering as if he were an angel
about to throw his life away from four stories up
mastering an eleven year old flip
before landing in the decayed hay below
fluffy for about two inches, then dirt mostly
but she had to reach him first
or where was the fun in that
if she didn’t witness his feat inducing bragging
there would be no point, he’d wasted an hour
despite ending the day with a twisted ankle
or broken neck, they had no reference for that
she could never say no, for nine times out of ten
it was fun, he was fun, laughing his way through life
so of course, that day was the first time she ever flew
my life is but a drop
in an ocean raging
in one bleak moment
tossed under thunder
tears crashing in waves
and stunningly still the next
with the kiss of a breeze
blown beyond my awareness
I reel at the emptiness
as my being is sucked
into a roaring whirlpool
churning inside and out
squeezing my squeals
into moans and stutters
and when my last breath
and my final thought
are suddenly stolen
all I hear
is the ocean’s heartbeat
a distant shore
lost in the trees
a final downpour
drenched in pain
as she stood transfixed
faces dredged in her memory
ripples of love
in her eyes forever
the one moment
the only perfection
she’d always known
she would leave behind
for the life
she hadn’t dreamt of
the pills were sustenance
the alcohol a warm bed
it was the “only’s”
her struggle to breathe
her dance at work
her spine curling mistakes
it became thoughtless
imperative and pushy
even shockingly redundant
she had no reason left
the emptiness told her
but her soul no longer heard
to exist barely extant
as a sham of a shell
until the shell cracks
in a ripping fracture
ending as her eyes stilled
with a sudden awe
the shade of a river blue
for the first time
since that love poured down
peace bloomed in a sigh
and for the first time
under the leafless trees
she stayed perfectly dry
the window frame sagged
her finger trailed through dust
the floor rose up in a swirl as she passed
the ratty piece of carpet lying just here
along with the memory of clattering dishes
burnt onions and a hunched vacuum cleaner
still plugged in
Perry Mason arguing a case
echoing behind naïve voices arguing a case
floating on the mites fleeing for cover
as the ancient desk filled the room
struggling to hold up
the rainbow of folders and fluttering notebooks
flying their way to the floor
one by one
some finding refuge on the paisley cushion
crushed into a canoe and now home to mice
becoming a new roof on a den
but the pen
chewed cap still in place
lay amongst her life
listing as her last thoughts lay beneath
… eyes blurring she blinked the words into focus
“YOU completed me… still, they suffered. Why…
didn’t You tell me?”
a sigh escaped as a rolled and worn sheet
leaped with hope
tapping once before finding rest
while its turbulence chases a fur ball
into fleeing for the sunshine
through the front door swinging wide
and following its own dream
of becoming a butterfly
for Jeannie XXOOO
to move mountains
one rocky bit at a time
begins with a tear drop
shameless and unswerving
lured by a deep desire
becoming a legion
by a singular longing
picking up speed
unable to resist
a tiny grain slips away
Have you all noticed… actually registered in your mind… how as you stroll through the myriad of others’ blogs, absorbing their takes on life and what is happening in their lives…. that your brain is triggered into inspiration???
I find being on wordpress has literally expanded not only my knowledge of events and life around the globe… but I am inspired daily by you all!!! New ideas come flooding into my mind as I read through everyone else’s blogs. It is making me a better writer!!
I think maybe for just a second or two … we should all stop what we’re doing… and think about life before the internet… as writers; were you all writing daily, in your own way… or were the dreams of writing hidden behind the rest of your life?
Until one day… bamm…. you discover wordpress… and began for the first time to really express your inner thoughts and desires… to have a voice… even if only one other person hears it…
I truly believe that the internet is bringing us closer as a global species… yet farther away as a family. We spend hours glued to laptops reading and watching others living life… missing out on moments with the lives in the next room… to draw closer to the world as a whole.
Maybe a hundred years from now, if we haven’t blown ourselves to bits, we can look back and say… this saved the planet. This… communication on a mass scale from every corner or round spot on the planet to every dip and dimple. Surely now… we will realize how we are all the same… all human… all hurt… all need love…
But I love being inspired with new ideas each day, even if I don’t have time to write about them.
So THANKS WORDPRESS… well done! and thanks to all the other writers, artists, photographers, and crazy people who inspire us all!
I realized something this morning, as I watched a video or two of Hillsong United. The first video showed them playing a concert somewhere in India (I think) and the massive audience was singing along with the song, as if they’d sang it a million times before. Then I watched them singing “Touch the Sky” in Spanish, as it looked like they were playing somewhere in Mexico or Brazil. Even in Spanish, everyone in the audience was singing along, praising God… It was Beautiful!
And for the first time, I realized how music is spreading the Word of God, the Love for God, across the globe. Being in America, we tend to think we ARE the Christian base, the Christian believers of the world. But missionaries have been spreading the word for centuries, all across the world. It made me tear up, watching them singing such a beautiful song, completely in Spanish. It sounded wonderful. And the love and joy they were feeling is clearly visible.
During both video’s they were showing at different times the conditions these people were living in, the trash dumps, tiny one room shacks with sheets for walls, the flies in their eyes, even one woman was living in a giant cement pipe used for sewage, but empty at the time, and lying somewhere in a desert town; here toddler runs to her as she sits in the shade of the pipe. And my heart is breaking, knowing these people are just barely living, barely alive, without food, without even a box for a home, just barely surviving on the edge of life…. and here we sit, eating fattening cheeseburgers and pizza, living in giant new homes, palaces to them… talking on our phones, and complaining the service isn’t fast enough and our electric bills are our of control.
And yet, it isn’t our fault we were born here, in the luxury of the US. It isn’t our fault that we have school systems in place to teach our children, and libraries to learn from, or parents with the ability to take care of us until we can take care of ourselves. YES, none of that is our fault, or our choice. We were born into it.
But can you even wrap your mind around the thought that someone else was born into poverty… like none you have ever seen? No home, no clothes, eating dirt to fill your empty cramping painful stomach, no water unless you drink the gray and brown puddle that’s been shit in by a cow or goat, or human. Such utter poverty that you scour through a dump site looking for a bent fork to bend back into shape and sell for less than a penny to get a teaspoon of rice to eat. Or find a dirty stained shirt to wear, because yours no longer has sleeves or is the same shirt you wore for 5 years and it’s too small for you or in filthy tatters.
No. You can’t imagine it, not until you see it live. Or live it. Just the simple idea that you have a flower in your yard to gaze at, one you may have planted yourself, and the poorest of the poor have never seen a flower. They see dirt, for miles on end, nothing but dirt; dirt and sand, blowing in the wind, into your eyes, covering your body, and they have never even seen a single flower. Because where there is no water, there are no flowers. Or food, or weeds, or herbs, or trees. Nothing, but pain, hunger, thirst, cold nights and baking hot days, and no home to go to. No parents to help. And certainly no government that will help you in any way.
That is what they live with daily. What they survive. Could you survive that?? Could I??
This is what God meant when He said “Take care of the poor!”
The true poor. Not some woman or man who is too lazy to support themselves and lives off welfare so they don’t have to work, stating they can’t work because no one will hire them, or they have back problems, or allergies, or whatever lame excuse they come up with. They are only poor in spirit. They have no idea what it is like to be truly poor. Plus here, they will not go without food. Even our poorest of the poor can walk to a soup kitchen, or get get food stamps, or stay in a shelter if there is room, and be fed. Yes we have poor people who are starving and homeless, but they can find food if they aren’t too messed up on drugs or alcohol to get it. Being homeless is a far greater issue, once in a while it is due to choice, but for the most part if they choose to, they can work their way back to a poor existence, one where they have some sort of shelter and money for food.
I myself have been poor for as long as I can remember. But I never go without a job or food, and I may live in a crappy trailer, but it has a roof and bathroom and running water that spews out of a faucet, so I don’t have to walk miles to get it. Or boil it just to drink it. I have always considered myself monetarily poor, but never truly poor. That is a whole new level I am thankful I will never have to endure. Because I live here. Because I have parents who would still take care of me if I needed help. Cousins, Uncles, Brothers and Sisters too. All who I could contact if I needed to for help.
The true poor have no one. NO ONE BUT YOU and GOD!
So the next time you are on your cell phone, and can’t upload your favorite song, that you are willing to spend $5.00 for…. think about the people around the world who could feed their entire family for that measly $5.00…. and do something about it! YOU CAN LIVE without it. THEY CANNOT!!!!!!
THAT is being a TRUE CHRISTIAN!!!
stumbling, stuttering and sputtering into life
when passion becomes screaming and grins
life is a purple sunshiny explosion
with innocence sparkling beneath shenanigans
just as a garter snake becomes an entire zoo
or a spider starts a war filled with booboos
rolling eyes and completely losing your mind
over a shiny motorcycle of any kind
up until the motor is a roaring dragon
cover your ears and flee behind
long jean wrapped legs screaming security
maybe peeking out between the two
or if all else fails just cover your eyes
if you don’t see it it can’t hurt you
like the dusty crawling monster under your bed
or the scary eyes of the grocery store crabs
your drawn with an undying thirst to see it all
touch everything with slobbers or grabs
until you’re drained of all energy and moisture
and begging frantically for your sippy cup
silenced finally burying your head underneath
your Mother’s hair to dream of a nice fire truck
He kicked the dirt, lost his grip on Spiderman and sat on a low rock. Spiderman was upside down straddling a Fir twig, but he didn’t care. He was tired of walking. He could see better now that the shade had reached him. The river was gone. It was quiet now, only rocks and trees to talk to. “Dad said he’d be right back,” he told the SpongeBob shaped rock. “Mom is at Uncle Joe’s house, giggling and spilling her lemonade, and PaPa is selling his car to Miss Sippi.” He pulled a twig out of his shoe and stretched over to pick up Spiderman. He stood up and squeaked out “DADDY” as loud as he could, then moaned. “Lets go back, no one’s here Spidey.”
The trail wound back into the woods, and he recognized a gnarly old tree a while later. Then came the little cave he’d crawled into earlier, only to crawl back out when a chipmunk chased him out. He kept going, down, across a small hill and there was the river again. He picked up a dead tree branch and banged it against a giant root, raw without it’s bark, echoing loudly even with the river rushing by. “Daddy!” No answer came.
He’d been talking on his phone, one hand deep in his front pocket, pacing between the trees. His front teeth chewed at the hair below his lower lip, as he glanced in all directions, like he was searching for someone. Wyatt had heard him say, “Even if I leave now, I can’t make it in time… Fuck Me!”
They’d been camping down river for two weeks, and he’d watched his Dad toss his pole in the river, letting it and the fish go when his phone rang. He’d came back over, squatted down to look him in the eye, and had said, “I’ll be right back, don’t go anywhere, you hear?” “Yes, sir,” and Daddy was jogging down the trail along the river, back to their tent, Wyatt thought. But that was hours ago. His stomach grumbled again, and Spiderman was tired of fishing.
He picked up his pole, tucked Spiderman in his sweatshirt pocket in front, and started down the trail to their tent. It got dark before he reached it, but he knew where it was. He lit the lantern, just like his Dad had showed him how to, and sat inside the tent. He zipped it up, just in case a bear was around, and pulled out the loaf of bread and the jar of peanut butter. He didn’t need a knife, just his finger to dig it out and smear it around. He wolfed it down. Dug out more peanut butter with his fingers. He guzzled at the half empty water bottle lying by his sleeping bag. Then slowly, as he counted out the number of frog “Ribbit’s” he heard, he fell asleep.
All the food was gone in four days; he’d drank all the water and milk and had started in on his Dad’s beer. He felt funny, but lying on his sleeping bag under the stars, he just smiled to himself and looked up. Spiderman was lying on his chest, watching too. They were both covered in filth. But he was the only one with streaks of grime down his cheeks. Spiderman still grinned with large black eyes. One of his feet was missing though, and this upset him greatly. They’d looked for it for hours today. Long enough he’d actually forgot about Daddy for a while. His stomach hurt, so he turned over and curled up, with Spiderman lying next to him, he could just feel the one foot poking him in the side.
He woke up slowly. Wiped sweat off his face and sat up slowly, his head throbbing. Spiderman was face down in the dirt so he picked him up and said in a small voice, “I don’t feel so good.” He stepped into the river’s edge taking three small steps and sat down in the cool rushing water. It felt so good he shivered. He stuck Spiderman in between his knees, pulled off his sweatshirt and threw it back into the dirt on the bank. One arm trailed into the water. He pretended he had a washrag and began to wash himself off. After his face was done he held onto Spiderman and leaned back into the water, to get his hair wet. He scrubbed at his hair with his hand and Spiderman’s two raised hands, then sat back up, shaking his head like a dog.
A sharp crack of a branch startled him. Right behind him, it seemed. He stood up and looked at the trees, the trail, from the river on one side all the way around to the river again and didn’t see anything. Then another loud crunch sounded and he stepped out of the water and froze. The bushes next to their tent wiggled and shivered.
“Where is your Daddy?”
Wyatt whispered, “I don’t know,” as Spiderman came up in front of him to be molded into his chest. Nothing could hurt him with Spidey there.
“Are you hungry?”
“Yes. What’s your name?”
“You can call me Leo. It’s short for Leonardo.”
“Like the Ninja?” Wyatt’s eyes were wide open now. He stepped toward Leo, not afraid in any way. Leo met him half way and took his left hand.
“A bit.” Leo led him to the camouflaged tent. “Anything in there you need?”
“I don’t know.” He crawled in anyway, looked around blankly. His bag of clothes was spilled open, so he changed his shorts and found his Hulk sweatshirt to pull on, leaving his wet stuff behind and tucking Spiderman into the front pocket that was his usual resting place. He didn’t bother with Underoos or socks, just slid his feet into his river shoes. He noticed his special pocket knife lying in the dirt and grabbed that, stuffing it into one of his short’s pockets.
“Do you have anything to drink?” Wyatt asked as they walked around the trunk of a huge Cedar. Leo was holding the arm of a long sticker bush up so Wyatt could walk underneath it without getting scratched. Wyatt couldn’t stop looking up at Leo. He stumbled, not noticing they weren’t on a trail of any kind, just making their way through the forest in an easterly direction.
“Not here.” He pulled an orange out and handed it to Wyatt. He bit it like an apple and spit out the first bite. Then he ripped it in half just like the Hulk would, and started sucking.
“Mmmn, oh hey, mmmn.” He swallowed loudly, licked his lips in a sloppy circle. When he was done ripping all the chunks out and slurping them down, he tossed the rind and wiped his hands off on his sweatshirt. He stopped walking and asked,”Can you help me find my Daddy?” Leo stopped walking and bent down to look Wyatt in the eye.
“Your Daddy can’t be found. Your Mommy ran off to Vegas with her pimp, and your PaPa was in a car accident.” He watched Wyatt’s face go from open and adventurous to frozen, just blank. Leo was quick though and offered, “Wanna come with me?”
Wyatt put both hands in his pocket to hold Spiderman, squeezing him against his stomach. “Where?”
Leo walked away and Wyatt followed, just past a massive boulder tumbled from the top of the mountains, and stopped in front of 5 giant tree trunks. Wyatt blinked his eyes and realized the trunks were shiny; blinked again and saw 5 massive metal legs. His eyes followed the legs all the way up to the huge metal belly of a space ship.
Leo grinned widely with both his mouths and said, “How about Pluto?”
long before time…
when the world floated in silence
before a single blink created an ocean
a simple nod was all it took to form a valley
with mountains on either side
a tap of a fingernail against the armrest
and a volcano erupted for the first time
and still time had not yet begun
to trickle by in ticks
as the earth inhaled and held it’s breath
waiting to give rivers of birth
and feel the cool cleansing rains
but life stood still waiting to be born
so there was no one to hear
the sound of silence against the backdrop
of a gusting wind through an empty canyon
the explosive grumble of the land ripping open
as God scratched His initials
into the golden arm of His Throne
just bored one day
dabbling with life
a doodle on a rock
in the middle of nowhere
long before time began…
a sojourn of being the key
there is a resonance, of one or many
a softness of blurred notes
bent and reflecting, creating its own song
a side strain of determination
an aria of will, if you will
courage in the rhythm, or lack thereof
for it knows know middle ground
even one break in the melody
and its time to move on
the refrain becomes death
a measure of finis
the descant will survive
albeit with a lowing
for the kinship is not broken
while lost in the silence
Half of the time
rebels are lovely
you just have to catch them
at it, unawares, when
they’re not looking
for inevitably if they know
they behave differently
stand taller, form their thoughts
shake their bangs out of their eyes
swish their tail in a springy way
ultimately just a show pony
with long eyelashes
and a meaty hind end
but if you manage to sneak up
and see them meandering through
the tall grass, wind in their hair
a sunlit sparkle in their eye
you’ll see a moment of truth
an intensely felt flash of
and there lies the soul
the root of this being
for you to see clearly
THIS MOMENT… IN THIS BEING
when you need to forgive
forget or let betrayal go
for stubbornness comes
in many forms
from at least two angles
split by that fence
the long trampled grasses
at your feet
and the obstinate bees
mulish in their relentless pursuit
of each and every flower
I felt Your presence today
it was beyond glorious
my excitement rose
to the same height
as I did
but peace flooded in
as I sailed across the sky
and I knew You
were the wind
beneath my wing
I can’t thank You enough
there are no words
but the smile
from ear to ear
made it perfectly clear
Thank You God
for this amazing gift!
walking in a straight line
on a path that curves and rises
balancing life to avoid
into the unknown
at the very end
or a beginning you fear
just around the corner
doesn’t mean you can’t
walk a tight rope
or trip yourself up
or fly through life
or bumbling tumbles
it only means
you are traveling
on a journey
into the unknown
remembering your past
forgetting your future
in every moment