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A Stencil of Life

mountain in the clouds

 

Man hasn’t ruined, stepped upon this ground

not sacred, not lost, blessedly not found

high upon mountains reaching for the sky

only paws and claws had been this high

Revealing life through a pale purple mist

untouched, serene as a cool soft kiss

a glimpse into the future, a peaceful sigh

Glory silently spilling… just across the sky

 

Its a stencil of life, simple and honestly true

loving God first, all souls, everything under blue

spreading joy, honor, innocence and candor

no reason for deceit, for this is much grander

Wildly simple, cherish it all, living off this wonderland

now see His son, head bowed, reaching for His hand

nothing else to speak of, or see, only birds flew over today

but Yeshuah cut the path, knew the truth… knows the way

 

It may have been covered in His precious blood

preempted by warnings of His Father’s angry flood

dripping below into caverns, pooling on His mercy seat

His love for a lost species not once wavering in the heat

Flying like a bird, soaring on pure white wings

a million angels laughing, rejoicing, a massive choir sings

landing on these untouched mountains, a divine dome

then He rose beyond… following that same path home

Simply Amazing

1

dying

and blooming

listen to it’s heart

opening wide to die

~~~~~~~

Why do you suppose He made leaves to turn red instead of brown when they die

Why do you suppose He made some life to become a flower instead of adding one

Can you imagine the mind of The Creator

A billion billion life forms, all made from the same stuff, but each unique and singular

A billion billion planets, all made from the same stuff, but each unique and splendid

A billion billion galaxies, and we can only see a few

How much time do you think it took Him

And just how Amazing is HE

Pretty Freaking, if you ask me!

LOL

Street of Dreams

street of clouds

 

Wow! Where have I been? lol  been weeks of this… off and on.… look up…. this beautiful street of dreams is just what Paraglider Pilot’s LOVE!  I mean LOVE!!!! When its sunny out… If you can catch the thermal off the mountain, and get up under this type of cloud formation, you can “cloud-hop” to the end… these ended at the ocean. They form in the same pattern as volcanoes… only moving with the wind and forming one after another in a perfect line. Clouds make their own thermals, and they can pull you up hundreds of feet very quickly and swallow you if you’re not careful.

It was a gorgeous day, I think last month or so… that makes anyone who’s flying an addict. I get real nervous, flying near clouds, because they can suck you in if you get too close. Which isn’t all bad… except here in the NW, the clouds can turn ugly and wet in a blink. Dark clouds are scary! lol we all avoid them! Mostly because flying wet is like flying a like a rock.

I stay far below them, and can’t hop very far yet, but I’m learning. By the end of summer, I should be hitting another launch site we have up in Blanchard… but first I have to figure out how to get back home.  lol  second, I have to figure out how to change my pants while in flight! thermals make my heart race. They can be very strong winds and collapse your wing as you fly in and out of them, if you’re not paying close attention, the turbulence is sudden. You’re flying along in smooth gentle air and run smack into a wall of churning wind that’s going up and in a new direction.  AAAAAA…  that is my usual response. That and GOD!

I’ve missed you all… if you’re even still out there. I would promise to come back and write daily, but with summer just about here, I can’t make any promises. I’ll be grinning from ear to ear at 5000-10,000 feet, if you need me. I will promise to write more… than what I have been, which has been nothing… that’s always easy. 

Take care all, and if you see a bright red wing with a blue strip, look up and wave… it could be me…  Smile about to land on you… so RUN!  I got NO control!!!  lmao, I do.

The Terror

3

 

Do you feel the Terror

the deep darkness swirling

fingers of death pinching your soul

dragging you away from the light

howling for your flesh and will

Do you hear the Snare

the call of the wasted life

twisted into proud emptiness

grasping at your bright spirit

with claws and clubs of fear

tripping and ripping at your heart

Do you see the Pit

full of screams full of terror

echoes of hate and endless pain

slimed on the sides with cruelty

overflowing it reaches for you

void of light

void of hope

void of love

~~~~~~~

based loosely on Isaiah 24-17

Fall is here…

4

 

My internet has been down… due to me FIRING Centurylink… they suck! 

So I’ve been gone for some time, flying mostly anyway, and not spending any time at all writing here… but what I did do… is lay down some rules for the month of October…

While my internet is down, I WILL FINISH my latest work of art, my novel, A Hot Mess of Murder… BEFORE November 1st… when Nanowrimo starts up again, and I have to start a whole new novel.

Therefore, I probably won’t post much here, but I did need to post this, to MAKE myself keep to my goals. This novel was created for the most part 2 years ago, and then life took over. Mostly, my new life as a paraglider!  GAWD… I cannot get enough. Writing just got thrown to the wayside.

Anyway, I just wanted to pop in, and say… HELLO, MISSED YOU ALL, and SEE YA SOON….

HAVE A BLESSED DAY ALL!!

Driving

brandon in front of a ferris wheel at Gorge 2016

Driving forward, nothing can stop him

With the will of a weed, he will steer

Through the chaos that fills every moment

Squealing tires and melting hearts, with little to no fear

Determined to make a life long remembered

His grip tight and spirit second to none

Taking his life and the world by storm

Transcending the scar of a forsaken son

No doubts trouble his insightful vision

Plowing through problems with ease and grace

His strength growing with each passing year

Determined to conquer and win each race

Shining his light into the darkest of realms

His fire for life a rare maternal element

Blinding en masse as his journey unfolds

His passion leads him to complete fulfillment

He will make each of his dreams happen

He’s a supernova just waiting to explode

Coupled with traits such as will and desire

Nothing can stop him or veer him off road

Your Reason For Life

for casz3

 

why would you deny Me, your loving Father

I offered you eternity, long before your life would end

you saw it coming

you know it’s inevitable

still proudly you refuse to believe and bend

~

full of stubborn selfishness

a scholar of men, thinking science proves you right

yet you can’t explain

what little you do see

let alone ignoring what you witness each night

~

quoting what you call greats

forgetting the Holiest One, your philosophies wax and wane

they explain little

only what you think

revealing the multitude left to explain

~

being humble isn’t in your nature, you say

but I created humanity to be humane, gentle yet strong

not to be proud

not to be self-righteous

but self-sacrificing as devoted servants belong

~

giving to one another, sharing every needed thing

your reason for life is to love Me and one another

never hurting

never diminishing

keeping all souls as your own sister and brother

~

so don’t bother praying now at your life’s end

its useless, for your time to serve has long since passed

you chose wrong

you wasted your life

and I, Yeshuah, have found you empty and unchaste

~

~~~~~~~

His Death

fire river 2

 

His soft and gentle blood ran in red rapids

While His torturous death gave me my life

How I ache to become His devoted wife

Sadly I deign to think He’d have me

It’s discerning to learn I can’t repay Him

I’m disgusted my blood is soured and weak

~~~~~~~

Yet His hope is filling an empty vessel

Dripping in time with each weeping need

Holiness replacing my soul with a lamb

Drowning me until I’m finally freed

~~~~~~~

Suddenly I’m high with unbelievable spirit

My drumming heartbeat flows into music

For I will always be deemed worthy

Without one single second thought

Someday soon I will be His Adoring Wife

Because His Pure Love Gave Me Life

~~~~~~~

As His hope is filling an empty vessel

Dripping in time with each weeping need

Holiness replacing my soul with a lamb

Drowning me until I’m finally freed

Gliding In Emptiness

5

busy

busy, always so busy

buzzing from one stray thought to another

around a stalk of witless obsession

a deep need filled with perceptions

of life, the edges of a feathered fracture

to tap dance across

or fluttering

on a breeze of easy answers

as life, bored into years of numbness 

becomes a drone hovering

unaware

you are gliding in emptiness

and your heart has missed its journey

never pausing your flight to wonder why

not even for one slender moment

so long as you are busy,

busy, always so busy

We’re All Just Mashed Potatoes and Gravy… ……..MIXED TOGETHER PEOPLE!!

 

there is no black and white

no yellow, brown or pink

there’s only love and hope

no matter what you’ve been taught to think

this lie about color that fills us full

of evil judgment and stupid hate

is just that, an incredibly evil lie

the enemy doth proliferate

trying to drive us further apart

leading us to defile, maim and kill

and worse, back it with the Lord’s name

can all change with just your will

your will to understand we’re all human

your will to promise to love all instead

your will to be accepting and not judge

your will to be stronger than society said

your will to create rather than destroy

your will to stand firm rather than be led

your will to truly follow in Jesus’ steps

ensuring your soul will never be dead

~~~~~~~

Wake up sheeple, we’re all just Mashed Potatoes and Gravy… all mixed up together!

THE ONLY THING THAT DETERMINES SKIN COLOR IS THE SUN!

If your family lives near the equator, you will have darker skin, to reflect the sun’s damaging rays and protect you from too much Vitamin D absorption.

The need for the right amount of Vitamin D is copied into our DNA and passed down to our children to keep them healthy.

THIS IS THE ONLY REASON WE HAVE DIFFERENT SHADES OF HUMANS!!!

SO WAKE UP ALL YOU IDIOT BIGOTS AND RACISTS!!!  WE ARE ALL THE SAME!!!!!!!

Forgiveness is Sunshine

 

best above launch clouds

~~~~~~~

do you feel His arms surrounding you

curled in gripping you tight

through the nightmares in your life

never letting go

not once all night

~~~~~~~

 

do you hear His calling for you

soft yet echoing in your ear

rising with hope screaming with joy

that insistent loving

voice you hear

~~~~~~~

 

do you wonder why He loves you so

as any parent aching with the loss

seeing His children floundering in sin

you are still special

loved at all cost

~~~~~~~

 

do you not see how Greatly He Loves

when darkness looses its sickly masks

when you choose the graceful light

forgiveness is sunshine

and trying is all He asks

~~~~~~~

Stretching the Darkness

FGP9 - FIRST - woods behind snoq near bridge

oh, His eyes

were windows into my soul

straight through

an arrow slicing

into the desperate bottom

I had slid to

the faded shame

still circling the edges

of my darkest moment

accenting the distant light

as it floods over the brim

no stone untouched

except the one

I sat upon

wallowing in my own past

until finally

His eyes warmed

and gentled

and I knew His love again

as the light drew nearer

forgiveness

touched my heart

pulling ever pulling

as if a blackbird

flew away

stretching the darkness

until it snapped

Amongst the Slime

20 best

show your elegant petals, open wide

no matter how tough or strong

they have a subtle purpose, pad aside

designed to echo a simple song

of love from one singing, to another

where slime creeps trying to belong

a mire of sad souls calling, don’t bother

they just keep singing the same old song

but you are special, in so many ways

not like the scum on the surface

let the ooze of life, seen for all your days

float on by a sludge without purpose

while you are rare, you will remain

strong at heart, beauty hidden inside

ignore the slime, their power will wane

you’ll shine gloriously, they’ll run and hide

Simple Loves

11

 

silver colored rain splatters upon the ground

spreading out like running sheep

hands flinging fingers open wide

making a point before a beep

muscles pulling the grandest jete

toes reaching the horizon in a leap

the minds of children creating joy

dreaming wildly while sound asleep

the look of new parents in any species

their tears of love uncontrollably seep

or me flying like a majestic bird

making memories I will forever keep

as easily as the trees in the breeze

bending deep

the simple loves in life

make me weep

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I wrote this because a friend and I were discussing how often she cries when people are mean to her. Its part of our job to deal with assholes, but it occurred to me when she said this, that I cry due to joy more often than anything else. Sure, I’m very empathetic and I cry easily if a friend is sad, and I’ll admit I have cried while watching many different types of moves, ie, the Green Mile, Phenomenon, where I bawled like a baby, and even at the end of Armageddon. (more for her losing her father, than for BW dying. lol ) Still for the most part, with mean people, I tend to get very Motherly and put them in their place. Even if I need to yell to do it!  lol  But my friend has a tender heart, isn’t very tough on the inside, and lets people walk all over her, which is sad, but I think a huge waste of tears. Those who are mean are just assholes, and you just have to let it wash over you, knowing they are miserable and will always be. Not my problem, not me that caused theirs. Simple as that.

But I’ve also learned over the years, it’s hard to teach someone to be strong, when they have no faith to give them strength. People say all the time…. OH I BELIEVE IN GOD… yet they have never once given their problem to God, wholeheartedly believed HE would take care of it, and relaxed back in the peace that this simple surrender will give. BUT YOU MUST HAVE FAITH. You must truly believe HE WILL HANDLE IT… and most people don’t.

They’re all about lip service.

  I do it daily. Usually in the morning while I drive somewhere. For some reason God and I do a lot of chatting in my truck. I ask for parking lot angels, idiot angels to keep me safe on the highway from idiot terrourrists, whatever I need, God wants me to ask Him to do it… so I do. And I am peaceful inside, not worrying about anything, throughout most of my day. Some days, yeah, I’m tired, loose my temper and have to shut someone up… but hey, no one’s perfect. lol  And God knows me inside and out. He knew I was going to do that. So why get upset, why chastise myself for not handling it right? Nope, I move on. Life is TOO SHORT to worry about the little shit. God knows why I reacted the way I did, and I ask him to forgive me when I know I’ve been wrong.

But folks, all in all, with all the weird problems in my life, I am a pretty happy person!

I find peace daily.

Find yours.

Find Joy.

Find God.

Immortal?

9

So, here’s my question for you all today….

Is it possible we can ‘earn’ immortality?

Or… for the other side of the coin; could we ‘evolve’ into it, on our own?

Someone mentioned it, and I can’t stop thinking about it. So here’s my thoughts, don’t forget to share yours.

On the one hand, there is a God, but scripture’s say it is not the deeds you do, it is the love you have inside for God, everything else, everyone else, that gets you into heaven… the eternal mortality that God offers is the goal; the bait; the one thing you do not have here on Earth. You’ve experienced love, been loved (hopefully) by at least one other being in your life, so maybe a new Daddy figure isn’t something you feel you need. But to live forever… FOR EVER?  It would be cool and boring, probably at the same time, and if everyone you loved wasn’t immortal, it would be amazing yet incredibly sad. But think about it, if we all lived forever, here on Earth, we would be wall to wall people… the planet couldn’t support us all… it would be much like it is now, with a lot more starvation thrown in. A lot.

But what if immortal doesn’t mean with your current body? What if immortal is impossible with our body?

Would you want it with your soul? Would you want it if they told you your brain went with it?? Or I should say, your mind? How about your heart; your love? Your feelings??  Wouldn’t you need all these things, for immortality to work? So where do our thoughts, feelings and love come from, if not our soul? Our brain tells our lungs to breathe; but what tells your lungs to hold your breath when you kiss? Or swim? Or blow up a balloon? This is your mind, not your brain. This is you… part of your soul. It floods you with warmth when you’re happy, and it chills you when someone you love dies. It rises up to sing with your favorite song. It explodes in your heart when you hold your child for the first time forcing you to cry with joy.

All this … does it go with your soul? Of course. It is your soul. This is what will become immortal with God. You. Your essence. Your entire soul. And from what I hear, you get the coolest set of WINGS to boot! So in some way… they have to be attached to you…. so you must end up with a body of some sort…right??? 

Now we go to the evolving aspect. It must be possible, somewhere, somehow, because we know how DNA works. Say you’re the one being on a planet who’s DNA alters just enough to where your cells never die, they just recycle themselves in some way… yes you would be the first…

but think about it… out of the BILLIONS of species on this planet, I would guess ALL of them… ALL of them have NEVER ONCE had their genes mutate into immortality. Are WE humans really that special that our DNA would suddenly evolve in a different way than every other species on this planet? If you believe in evolution, you also believe that something had to have seeded this planet with life, ie, bacteria from asteroids…etc.

That being said, literally, anything is possible. We know so little about our lives, our bodies, the world… the universes… it’s embarrassing really. But, we have only been around for about 10,000 years. Compare that to …. frogs… and you’d be blushing again, they’ve been around for over 200 million years…. so lets pick something younger in eon terms… how about a simple rose…. not even close, they’ve been around for about 35 million years… I could go on… my point… we are the youngest species on this planet. With maybe 10 other exceptions, mostly crap our lab tech’s have grown.. that they shouldn’t have!

There are also a few worms, flies and brine shrimp that can all go into suspended animation… the brine can survive up to 10,000 years… add water, and bam, you’ve got brine shrimp… but that’s only suspending life, not living eternally… and well, they’re bugs ya’ll!  Bugs! lol they don’t even know what being alive is.

So the chances that we could alter ourselves into immortality is pretty ridiculous. The fact that we don’t even understand HOW our cells know when to change, or why… or what made that protein decide to turn on a switch… folks… we don’t know SHIT!  OK! We only know the obvious, and that’s about .0000009% of what we need to know.

So my view is obvious… unless you’re severely slow you’ve figured it out by now… I say, go with God! He’s your best bet at becoming immortal! I truly don’t see us, a bacteria ourselves, evolving into anything as spectacular as an immortal being! But you will never earn it, with good deeds. You just have to LOVE!!! And it’s so easy to love God, and everything and everyone else… try it sometime.

Just go one day… where every single thing you see, every person, dog, flower… from the mailman to the boss you hate every other day… and be kind to them. Show them love.  And SEE what happens. Maybe nothing, maybe not… either way, sit back and FEEL what you did.

ENJOY that feeling of peace and happiness that your entire body has been tricked into feeling! Sink into it. Each time you are kind, people usually show you thanks, or love…. each time you reach out and touch someone physically, you are giving love, and USUALLY you will get love back. (now don’t be getting all pervy… lol) JUST TRY IT!!! And you will see… that feeling this way… is the GREATEST thing on earth. Right up there with the immortality you are going to experience!!

Smile

Sanded by Stone

3

It never seems to stop

this hankering

this… urge.

It flows into wideness

pushing at sloped walls

running down

fraught with turbulence

sanded by stone

ingrained in the depths

of your soul.

You will know

it’s character

when you immerse yourself

in a stream of truth;

just ask yourself

is it prodding you

onto an easier path

or simply goading you

over a cliff ??

Lion of Light

1

just a wisp of dandy perfection

this tiny feathered flight

such is God’s amazing design

His little Lion of the Light

with a feathered flower seed

to float on boneless wings

for a Grace-filled rebirth

just like His Lion of All Kings

even as a dusty desert rose

the only beauty in rough sand

her seeds are beyond precious

dancing across the driest land

growing by seeds in a milky cocoon

butterfly children are painted

born with a bright life in mind

their acceptance of color sainted

as ever amongst nature’s life

from massive to micro-Glory He shines

for no one has God’s creative heart

or can fathom His Holy designs

Mischief

skirt of an angel (2)

A whisper of hello, she shimmered as if I’d startled her, eyes tiny pools with mischief dancing in time to her swirl, waiting to see if my eyes followed her or if perhaps I was only speaking to the voices singing softly in a babble. Grinning at the distorted trees wavering in her light, I said, I see you, eyebrows raising with an instant ornery glee. Father will be so mad at me, she said with a burst of mirth, spinning in a happy blur, rainbow sparks flying from her glow, laughter twinkling between the leaves, as soft pink becomes orange glory, sunshine meshing with purple haze, and neon green deepening into a blue jazz only she heard. Oh, but to breathe in the pine and decay and flowers, I’ve missed it so-o-o-o, she said, climbing an imaginary stair, swirling down the neck of a tree, a barbershop pole of rainbow color, her laughter melting into a puddle, merging into the river below with a swish of a rainbow trout’s tail, with only bubbles reaching the surface to burst with the joy of existing, even if only, just for a moment.

Some Days

2

 

some days I stand

in a warm wind

and just listen

to the world

blanking out life

inhaling a fresh

moment of peace

as the breeze

ruffles my hair

and if the moon is up

I watch the clouds

tickling at its sides

brightening its pale face

or if the sun is up

the birds are so loud

I hear them singing

through the bright blur

of a windswept morning

and watch the trees

bowing have a good day

with a natural kindness

to me… just me alone

standing in a warm wind

inhaling peace

Time Gives Everything To Those Who Wait

1

she was never one for waiting

chasing whatever lit her heart

into a flame

except that one time

she’ll never forget

for it lasted for years

the hoping

the dreams day and night

the never ending waiting

that never ended

it was just gone one day

leaving an empty hole

where love had once curled up

surrounded by a glow

of innocence and optimism

until the waiting dragged on

like a painful tooth ache

or a throbbing migraine

she’d tried to end it all

once

but God stopped her

but not the never ending

hurting

the never ending ache

darkening her soul

that never ended

for he had always said

time gives everything

to those who wait

and she’d waited

painfully waited

through the greatest years

of her life

a part of her had waited

always been waiting

that

never

ended

So… Congrats to me!

anniversary for blog, started in 2012

THANKS TO ALL OF YOU FOR 4 GREAT YEARS!

Evidently March of 2012 I started this blog, and have managed to keep it going for 4 years! Congrats to ME! lol You have to understand, being ADHD, this is quite the feat. I normally last about 2 years doing anything, before I’m bored and move on. This includes any type of exercise, sex, work, or play I get involved in. I’m not joking in the least, most of life has come and gone for me. I’ve lived in 10 different states, and only plan on leaving here… for Alaska… but still haven’t talked my self into that one… it would be a one way trip, I’m sure. lol  I’ve had so many different types of employment, from military to factory worker to secretary to field geologist, security officer…hahaha… to property manager, postal worker…eeeek….and that’s just what I can think of off the top of my pointy head… good Lord!… not counting motherhood of course… and I can’t remember how many there are… at least 20 or some awful amount I‘m sure.  My running record is 3 years max at any one job. Well, other than writing, of course. I mean a job that pays!

And you know what, I could care less that I don’t have a huge pension coming from some company I slaved at for 30 years… doing the same damn thing over and over and over again….by now I would have blown my head off! Jumped off a tall building, something… to bring life into me. ha!  I say congrats to all of you who have managed to do this… I wish you luck… and a happy retirement.  But for me… I LIVE FOR TODAY BABY!

I spend all my extra money on playing, because saving more than $5000 is ridiculous in my book. Money is always losing value, you can’t trust the stock market, or bonds even… so I say “have a blast”!

Anyway, sorry, got distracted there…hahaha I said ADHD!!!

So, managing to keep this blog up and running… well, I have to say… I owe it all to you! All of YOU!!! out there, who comment sincerely, I love you all!!

I also thank GOD, YHVH, The One and Only, for inspiring me to start it, and gives me the words when I ask. He gives me ALL my poetry for Him, even helps me write other stories, He inspires my stained glass, and steadies my hand for photography, but mostly… HE GIVES ME PEACE AND JOY!!!  Like nothing else I’ve ever found.

You ALL make my day! You give me inspiration! and you give me FRIENDSHIP I can’t find anywhere else!

THANKS TO ALL OF YOU FOR 4 GREAT YEARS!!!!

Fluid

rocks

life seems heavier

balanced across our backs

holding us in place far longer

than the welcome was intended

moving forward in some small way

blends into a more fluid journey

a flow of experiences too deep

and too powerful to imagine

how easy it is to transcend

watching or standing still is useless

supporting the bulk of inertia

lumped together with reality

surrounded by perpetual motion

results in veracious roots

clinging to rotting vegetation

in a disturbed current

collapsing into an avalanche

of loneliness

soiled in the past

Not a Soul

4

not a soul around to hear

a haunting call in the wind

drawn into brushed clouds

vanishing in a single stroke

the world below too far

to care to feel to see to hear

the song of silent space

whipping by in an echo

of voices of time of shifting

drifting in a seamless flow

of paint on a canvas gliding

across an ocean of blue heaven

one gust away from beyond

where the stars reach out

brightening a shining lure

to fill the emptiness aloft

the loneliness soaring high

spreading outward in infinity

the sound of yearning singing

of one hope

one dream

one

with

not a soul around to hear

~~~~~~~

Another day… another try.

8

A gentleman walks by me, pleasant as pie, smiles and says “Mornin’”. The green dress clashes terribly a in huge fashion faux pas by partnering it with dirty brown Muck Lucks; white tube socks rolled to the knee cap. He’s a regular, and likes to chat a bit. One hand gently pressed against his lower lip as he waits for my response. Today his nails are black, but only a misshaped swampy island in the center of each.

“How’s it going?” My smile stiffens as I realize what I just said. To me, that’s like saying “hello”. With friends, it’s a real question, but acquaintances, not so much. It’s habit. I wish I was hiding under one. Tonight I’m tired. Didn’t get even an hours’ sleep. My back hurts. I’m just not in a good mood.

I try to lighten lives every day, thinking by sharing one tiny personal bit of info with another person, it shows they are not alone. I’ve done this my entire life, ever since a friend of mine died when we were young. It ended up being a freak accident. But suicide had been a topic we were all interested in at the time, I can’t remember why, but maybe it was just our age. My friend had written something and it grew into my roots. “If just one person had acted like I mattered, anyone, I wouldn’t have done it.”

Sitting on her bed, as I read her diary, she’d written a suicide note just weeks before, getting ready. She’d changed her mind; I never new why, but she didn’t do it. Just the idea of it, hurt my soul. I thought her life was fine. I also thought I was her friend, her good friend. Yet I had no idea she was contemplating suicide. I’d heard her say many times, that she felt alone in school, at home, even when she was out with friends. She felt apart, somehow. We always seemed to have fun, to me.

It stayed with me, became part of me, became a first response for me. I’ve always joked with people, strangers, friends… always. I love to laugh. And for the most part, I take the time to listen to people, even when they’re ranting, because everyone needs to be heard.

So the gentleman smirks, and launches into his latest problem; he needs a new razor blade for his electric razor, which I know instantly we only carry the cheap plastic emergency kind in the store. His full beard is at least an inch long, so I grin and say, “Well, I guess you’ll just have to become a Quaker.”

His giggle becomes a twitter and I try to make my escape. Three more times he comes to the counter and pulls out the hair and grease filled razor, showing me the old blade, in the hopes that new ones will magically appear. Each time my skin crawls at the nasty wad of pubes still stuck inside.

His last trip to the counter was timed to coincide with an empty store. Razor now back in the bag over his wrist, he says to me, “I want you to know I appreciate the fact that I never get the “judgy” tone from you. You talk to me like I’m “normal”. I just wanted to say thanks.” He was blushing a lovely shade of apricot, his eyes sparkled in the bright light.

I said, “The day I become perfect, is the day I will judge you. And you are normal. You are more normal than a lot of people I know.” For someone who was almost six feet tall, he ducked his head down so low I couldn’t see his eyes any longer, but his hand darted out and squeezed mine quickly before he left the store at a run.

I smiled, feeling good for a moment, and thought, “Now, how will I break it to him that the Muck Luck’s make him look like Grandma Eskimo!”

Another day… another try.

The Beginning

1

her knee peeked at her through an un-mendable hole

flannel two sizes too large billowing above three floors

of open space with six feet of ‘the willies’ to go

where the echoes of his laughter egged her on

here gripped the hand-me-down queen of clubs

completing the dare, it was always about the dare

the wall moved in a leaf killing wind

he picked his nose waiting in a silhouette

of sunshine streaming through the peak’s window

elbows shaking, her nails digging into ancient wood

giant “X’s” of two inch rotting death

for the hay pile below was almost as old

as the memories she would carry to her grave

of his hair glimmering as if he were an angel

about to throw his life away from four stories up

mastering an eleven year old flip

before landing in the decayed hay below

fluffy for about two inches, then dirt mostly

but she had to reach him first

or where was the fun in that

if she didn’t witness his feat inducing bragging

there would be no point, he’d wasted an hour

despite ending the day with a twisted ankle

or broken neck, they had no reference for that

she could never say no, for nine times out of ten

it was fun, he was fun, laughing his way through life

so of course, that day was the first time she ever flew

…but a drop

1

 

my life is but a drop

in an ocean raging

in one bleak moment

tossed under thunder

tears crashing in waves

and stunningly still the next

with the kiss of a breeze

blown beyond my awareness

I reel at the emptiness

as my being is sucked

into a roaring whirlpool

churning inside and out

squeezing my squeals

into moans and stutters

and when my last breath

and my final thought

are suddenly stolen

all I hear

is the ocean’s heartbeat

lapping against

a distant shore

Under The Leafless Trees

slew inthe rain

lost in the trees

a final downpour

drenched in pain

as she stood transfixed

faces dredged in her memory

 

ripples of love

in her eyes forever

the one moment

of unsurpassed

perfection

the only perfection

she’d always known

she would leave behind

 

for the life

she hadn’t dreamt of

the pills were sustenance

the alcohol a warm bed

it was the “only’s”

vital

sustaining

her struggle to breathe

her dance at work

her spine curling mistakes

 

it became thoughtless

imperative and pushy

even shockingly redundant

she had no reason left

the emptiness told her

but her soul no longer heard

 

to exist barely extant

as a sham of a shell

only works

until the shell cracks

in a ripping fracture

beyond repair

ending as her eyes stilled

with a sudden awe

the shade of a river blue

 

for the first time

since that love poured down

peace bloomed in a sigh

and for the first time

under the leafless trees

she stayed perfectly dry

The Window Frame

mountain 1

the window frame sagged

her finger trailed through dust

the floor rose up in a swirl as she passed

the ratty piece of carpet lying just here

and there

along with the memory of clattering dishes

burnt onions and a hunched vacuum cleaner

still plugged in

Perry Mason arguing a case

echoing behind naïve voices arguing a case

floating on the mites fleeing for cover

as the ancient desk filled the room

struggling to hold up

the rainbow of folders and fluttering notebooks

flying their way to the floor

one by one

some finding refuge on the paisley cushion

crushed into a canoe and now home to mice

becoming a new roof on a den

but the pen

chewed cap still in place

lay amongst her life

listing as her last thoughts lay beneath

… eyes blurring she blinked the words into focus

“YOU completed me… still, they suffered. Why…

didn’t You tell me?”

a sigh escaped as a rolled and worn sheet

leaped with hope

tapping once before finding rest

while its turbulence chases a fur ball

into fleeing for the sunshine

through the front door swinging wide

and following its own dream

of becoming a butterfly

~~~~~~~

for Jeannie XXOOO

Winter Strength

beauty in winter

fingers trailing

flowers on a railing

tangled ropes

into strangled hopes

washing away the bone

      of a faceless stone

pounding tears

casting mirrors

confessing rage

carving a new page

in a river of deepest chill

      do you have the will

      do you

The Power

rocks with water 2

the power

to move mountains

one rocky bit at a time

begins with a tear drop

or two

cast together

shameless and unswerving

lured by a deep desire

becoming a legion

undistorted

by a singular longing

winding

picking up speed

meandering

swelling

unable to resist

only restrained

by reflection

until

a tiny grain slips away

followed

by another

and another

until

sentiment

becomes

sediment

Thanks wordpress!

spider and flies and house

Have you all noticed… actually registered in your mind… how as you stroll through the myriad of others’ blogs, absorbing their takes on life and what is happening in their lives…. that your brain is triggered into inspiration???

I find being on wordpress has literally expanded not only my knowledge of events and life around the globe… but I am inspired daily by you all!!! New ideas come flooding into my mind as I read through everyone else’s blogs. It is making me a better writer!!

I think maybe for just a second or two … we should all stop what we’re doing… and think about life before the internet… as writers; were you all writing daily, in your own way… or were the dreams of writing hidden behind the rest of your life?

Until one day… bamm…. you discover wordpress… and began for the first time to really express your inner thoughts and desires… to have a voice… even if only one other person hears it…

I truly believe that the internet is bringing us closer as a global species… yet farther away as a family. We spend hours glued to laptops reading and watching others living life… missing out on moments with the lives in the next room… to draw closer to the world as a whole.

Maybe a hundred years from now, if we haven’t blown ourselves to bits, we can look back and say… this saved the planet. This… communication on a mass scale from every corner or round spot on the planet to every dip and dimple. Surely now… we will realize how we are all the same… all human… all hurt… all need love…

But I love being inspired with new ideas each day, even if I don’t have time to write about them.

So THANKS WORDPRESS… well done! and thanks to all the other writers, artists, photographers, and crazy people who inspire us all!

🙂

Painting

3

after all the petals are dried

and twilight turns into a deep rust

shadows linger and grow tall

creeping across in a frosted breath

cold is felt beneath the bones

when wind no longer simply dusts

but chills the green to blood red

painting the beauty of autumns death

A Kiss

7

fire filled clouds

steal the breath

of angels

as the blaze

leaches the blue

from the sky

melting into gray

sparking momentarily

as they scorch the face

of life gazing up

in a shimmering golden kiss

A True Christian

01 DuBois Falls

I realized something this morning, as I watched a video or two of Hillsong United. The first video showed them playing a concert somewhere in India (I think) and the massive audience was singing along with the song, as if they’d sang it a million times before. Then I watched them singing “Touch the Sky” in Spanish, as it looked like they were playing somewhere in Mexico or Brazil. Even in Spanish, everyone in the audience was singing along, praising God… It was Beautiful!

And for the first time, I realized how music is spreading the Word of God, the Love for God, across the globe. Being in America, we tend to think we ARE the Christian base, the Christian believers of the world. But missionaries have been spreading the word for centuries, all across the world. It made me tear up, watching them singing such a beautiful song, completely in Spanish. It sounded wonderful. And the love and joy they were feeling is clearly visible.

During both video’s they were showing at different times the conditions these people were living in, the trash dumps, tiny one room shacks with sheets for walls, the flies in their eyes, even one woman was living in a giant cement pipe used for sewage, but empty at the time, and lying somewhere in a desert town; here toddler runs to her as she sits in the shade of the pipe. And my heart is breaking, knowing these people are just barely living, barely alive, without food, without even a box for a home, just barely surviving on the edge of life…. and here we sit, eating fattening cheeseburgers and pizza, living in giant new homes, palaces to them… talking on our phones, and complaining the service isn’t fast enough and our electric bills are our of control.

And yet, it isn’t our fault we were born here, in the luxury of the US. It isn’t our fault that we have school systems in place to teach our children, and libraries to learn from, or parents with the ability to take care of us until we can take care of ourselves. YES, none of that is our fault, or our choice. We were born into it.

But can you even wrap your mind around the thought that someone else was born into poverty… like none you have ever seen? No home, no clothes, eating dirt to fill your empty cramping painful stomach, no water unless you drink the gray and brown puddle that’s been shit in by a cow or goat, or human. Such utter poverty that you scour through a dump site looking for a bent fork to bend back into shape and sell for less than a penny to get a teaspoon of rice to eat. Or find a dirty stained shirt to wear, because yours no longer has sleeves or is the same shirt you wore for 5 years and it’s too small for you or in filthy tatters.

No. You can’t imagine it, not until you see it live. Or live it. Just the simple idea that you have a flower in your yard to gaze at, one you may have planted yourself, and the poorest of the poor have never seen a flower. They see dirt, for miles on end, nothing but dirt; dirt and sand, blowing in the wind, into your eyes, covering your body, and they have never even seen a single flower. Because where there is no water, there are no flowers. Or food, or weeds, or herbs, or trees. Nothing, but pain, hunger, thirst, cold nights and baking hot days, and no home to go to. No parents to help. And certainly no government that will help you in any way.

That is what they live with daily. What they survive. Could you survive that?? Could I??

This is what God meant when He said “Take care of the poor!”

The true poor. Not some woman or man who is too lazy to support themselves and lives off welfare so they don’t have to work, stating they can’t work because no one will hire them, or they have back problems, or allergies, or whatever lame excuse they come up with. They are only poor in spirit. They have no idea what it is like to be truly poor. Plus here, they will not go without food. Even our poorest of the poor can walk to a soup kitchen, or get get food stamps, or stay in a shelter if there is room, and be fed. Yes we have poor people who are starving and homeless, but they can find food if they aren’t too messed up on drugs or alcohol to get it. Being homeless is a far greater issue, once in a while it is due to choice, but for the most part if they choose to, they can work their way back to a poor existence, one where they have some sort of shelter and money for food.

I myself have been poor for as long as I can remember. But I never go without a job or food, and I may live in a crappy trailer, but it has a roof and bathroom and running water that spews out of a faucet, so I don’t have to walk miles to get it. Or boil it just to drink it. I have always considered myself monetarily poor, but never truly poor. That is a whole new level I am thankful I will never have to endure. Because I live here. Because I have parents who would still take care of me if I needed help. Cousins, Uncles, Brothers and Sisters too. All who I could contact if I needed to for help.

The true poor have no one. NO ONE BUT YOU and GOD!

So the next time you are on your cell phone, and can’t upload your favorite song, that you are willing to spend $5.00 for…. think about the people around the world who could feed their entire family for that measly $5.00…. and do something about it! YOU CAN LIVE without it. THEY CANNOT!!!!!!

THAT is being a TRUE CHRISTIAN!!!

Sentience

sunset

writing in the sky

flows by

at the pace

of a gentle glide

spreading seeds

to the meek

and wise

in tiny tufts

of wisdom

on the wind

the core of a spore

cherishing hope

upon an ocean

filled with a notion

of His Majesty

exhaling sentience

flowing into existence

with a waft of will

on a wave of love

2

innocence

stumbling, stuttering and sputtering into life

when passion becomes screaming and grins

life is a purple sunshiny explosion

with innocence sparkling beneath shenanigans

just as a garter snake becomes an entire zoo

or a spider starts a war filled with booboos

rolling eyes and completely losing your mind

over a shiny motorcycle of any kind

up until the motor is a roaring dragon

cover your ears and flee behind

long jean wrapped legs screaming security

maybe peeking out between the two

or if all else fails just cover your eyes

if you don’t see it it can’t hurt you

like the dusty crawling monster under your bed

or the scary eyes of the grocery store crabs

your drawn with an undying thirst to see it all

touch everything with slobbers or grabs

until you’re drained of all energy and moisture

and begging frantically for your sippy cup

silenced finally burying your head underneath

your Mother’s hair to dream of a nice fire truck

Left Behind

5

He kicked the dirt, lost his grip on Spiderman and sat on a low rock. Spiderman was upside down straddling a Fir twig, but he didn’t care. He was tired of walking. He could see better now that the shade had reached him. The river was gone. It was quiet now, only rocks and trees to talk to. “Dad said he’d be right back,” he told the SpongeBob shaped rock. “Mom is at Uncle Joe’s house, giggling and spilling her lemonade, and PaPa is selling his car to Miss Sippi.” He pulled a twig out of his shoe and stretched over to pick up Spiderman. He stood up and squeaked out “DADDY” as loud as he could, then moaned. “Lets go back, no one’s here Spidey.”

The trail wound back into the woods, and he recognized a gnarly old tree a while later. Then came the little cave he’d crawled into earlier, only to crawl back out when a chipmunk chased him out. He kept going, down, across a small hill and there was the river again. He picked up a dead tree branch and banged it against a giant root, raw without it’s bark, echoing loudly even with the river rushing by. “Daddy!” No answer came.

He’d been talking on his phone, one hand deep in his front pocket, pacing between the trees. His front teeth chewed at the hair below his lower lip, as he glanced in all directions, like he was searching for someone. Wyatt had heard him say, “Even if I leave now, I can’t make it in time… Fuck Me!”

They’d been camping down river for two weeks, and he’d watched his Dad toss his pole in the river, letting it and the fish go when his phone rang. He’d came back over, squatted down to look him in the eye, and had said, “I’ll be right back, don’t go anywhere, you hear?” “Yes, sir,” and Daddy was jogging down the trail along the river, back to their tent, Wyatt thought. But that was hours ago. His stomach grumbled again, and Spiderman was tired of fishing.

He picked up his pole, tucked Spiderman in his sweatshirt pocket in front, and started down the trail to their tent. It got dark before he reached it, but he knew where it was. He lit the lantern, just like his Dad had showed him how to, and sat inside the tent. He zipped it up, just in case a bear was around, and pulled out the loaf of bread and the jar of peanut butter. He didn’t need a knife, just his finger to dig it out and smear it around. He wolfed it down. Dug out more peanut butter with his fingers. He guzzled at the half empty water bottle lying by his sleeping bag. Then slowly, as he counted out the number of frog “Ribbit’s” he heard, he fell asleep.

All the food was gone in four days; he’d drank all the water and milk and had started in on his Dad’s beer. He felt funny, but lying on his sleeping bag under the stars, he just smiled to himself and looked up. Spiderman was lying on his chest, watching too. They were both covered in filth. But he was the only one with streaks of grime down his cheeks. Spiderman still grinned with large black eyes. One of his feet was missing though, and this upset him greatly. They’d looked for it for hours today. Long enough he’d actually forgot about Daddy for a while. His stomach hurt, so he turned over and curled up, with Spiderman lying next to him, he could just feel the one foot poking him in the side.

He woke up slowly. Wiped sweat off his face and sat up slowly, his head throbbing. Spiderman was face down in the dirt so he picked him up and said in a small voice, “I don’t feel so good.” He stepped into the river’s edge taking three small steps and sat down in the cool rushing water. It felt so good he shivered. He stuck Spiderman in between his knees, pulled off his sweatshirt and threw it back into the dirt on the bank. One arm trailed into the water. He pretended he had a washrag and began to wash himself off. After his face was done he held onto Spiderman and leaned back into the water, to get his hair wet. He scrubbed at his hair with his hand and Spiderman’s two raised hands, then sat back up, shaking his head like a dog.

A sharp crack of a branch startled him. Right behind him, it seemed. He stood up and looked at the trees, the trail, from the river on one side all the way around to the river again and didn’t see anything. Then another loud crunch sounded and he stepped out of the water and froze. The bushes next to their tent wiggled and shivered.

“Where is your Daddy?”

Wyatt whispered, “I don’t know,” as Spiderman came up in front of him to be molded into his chest. Nothing could hurt him with Spidey there.

“Are you hungry?”

“Yes. What’s your name?”

“You can call me Leo. It’s short for Leonardo.”

“Like the Ninja?” Wyatt’s eyes were wide open now. He stepped toward Leo, not afraid in any way. Leo met him half way and took his left hand.

“A bit.” Leo led him to the camouflaged tent. “Anything in there you need?”

“I don’t know.” He crawled in anyway, looked around blankly. His bag of clothes was spilled open, so he changed his shorts and found his Hulk sweatshirt to pull on, leaving his wet stuff behind and tucking Spiderman into the front pocket that was his usual resting place. He didn’t bother with Underoos or socks, just slid his feet into his river shoes. He noticed his special pocket knife lying in the dirt and grabbed that, stuffing it into one of his short’s pockets.

“Do you have anything to drink?” Wyatt asked as they walked around the trunk of a huge Cedar. Leo was holding the arm of a long sticker bush up so Wyatt could walk underneath it without getting scratched. Wyatt couldn’t stop looking up at Leo. He stumbled, not noticing they weren’t on a trail of any kind, just making their way through the forest in an easterly direction.

“Not here.” He pulled an orange out and handed it to Wyatt. He bit it like an apple and spit out the first bite. Then he ripped it in half just like the Hulk would, and started sucking.

“Mmmn, oh hey, mmmn.” He swallowed loudly, licked his lips in a sloppy circle. When he was done ripping all the chunks out and slurping them down, he tossed the rind and wiped his hands off on his sweatshirt. He stopped walking and asked,”Can you help me find my Daddy?” Leo stopped walking and bent down to look Wyatt in the eye.

“Your Daddy can’t be found. Your Mommy ran off to Vegas with her pimp, and your PaPa was in a car accident.” He watched Wyatt’s face go from open and adventurous to frozen, just blank. Leo was quick though and offered, “Wanna come with me?”

Wyatt put both hands in his pocket to hold Spiderman, squeezing him against his stomach. “Where?”

Leo walked away and Wyatt followed, just past a massive boulder tumbled from the top of the mountains, and stopped in front of 5 giant tree trunks. Wyatt blinked his eyes and realized the trunks were shiny; blinked again and saw 5 massive metal legs. His eyes followed the legs all the way up to the huge metal belly of a space ship.

Leo grinned widely with both his mouths and said, “How about Pluto?”

Waiting

1

long before time…

when the world floated in silence

before a single blink created an ocean

a simple nod was all it took to form a valley

with mountains on either side

a tap of a fingernail against the armrest

and a volcano erupted for the first time

and still time had not yet begun

to trickle by in ticks

as the earth inhaled and held it’s breath

waiting to give rivers of birth

and feel the cool cleansing rains

but life stood still waiting to be born

so there was no one to hear

the sound of silence against the backdrop

of a gusting wind through an empty canyon

the explosive grumble of the land ripping open

as God scratched His initials

into the golden arm of His Throne

just bored one day

dabbling with life

a doodle on a rock

in the middle of nowhere

long before time began…

Sojourn

james and fireworks 2015

solidarity

a sojourn of being the key

there is a resonance, of one or many

a softness of blurred notes

bent and reflecting, creating its own song

a side strain of determination

an aria of will, if you will

courage in the rhythm, or lack thereof

for it knows know middle ground

even one break in the melody

and its time to move on

the refrain becomes death

a measure of finis

the descant will survive

albeit with a lowing

for the kinship is not broken

only resting

while lost in the silence

In This Being

4

 

Half of the time

rebels are lovely

you just have to catch them

at it, unawares, when

they’re not looking

for inevitably if they know

you’re watching

they behave differently

stand taller, form their thoughts

shake their bangs out of their eyes

swish their tail in a springy way

ultimately just a show pony

with long eyelashes

and a meaty hind end

but if you manage to sneak up

and see them meandering through

the tall grass, wind in their hair

a sunlit sparkle in their eye

you’ll see a moment of truth

an intensely felt flash of

perfect contentment

and there lies the soul

the root of this being

for you to see clearly

****

remember

THIS MOMENT… IN THIS BEING

when you need to forgive

forget or let betrayal go

for stubbornness comes

in many forms

from at least two angles

split by that fence

the long trampled grasses

at your feet

and the obstinate bees

mulish in their relentless pursuit

of each and every flower

I DID IT!!!

01 ME PARAGLIDING JUNE 25 SOLO

I felt Your presence today

it was beyond glorious

my excitement rose

to the same height

as I did

but peace flooded in

as I sailed across the sky

and I knew You

were the wind

beneath my wing

I can’t thank You enough

there are no words

but the smile

from ear to ear

I’m sure

made it perfectly clear

Thank You God

for this amazing gift!

Fly

4

walking in a straight line

on a path that curves and rises

balancing life to avoid

failure

swaying

stumbling

falling

into the unknown

at the very end

or a beginning you fear

just around the corner

doesn’t mean you can’t

walk a tight rope

or trip yourself up

or fly through life

with elegance

or bumbling tumbles

it only means

you are traveling

on a journey

into the unknown

remembering your past

forgetting your future

just be

present

in every moment

and

fly

just

fly

Briefly

 

3

life among the dead

blossoms for an instant

as each moment is led

into a glowing radiant

fading into stillness

falling at a slant

revealing that each life

is only briefly brilliant

The Promise of Rain

 2

into each heart

tears will fall

creating a meadow

maybe a lake

cleansing a soul

wavering the unsure

drowning the dubious

who follow a shady path

down into a dry hollow

but after the storm

bringing new life

creating growth

changing a desert

of shallow desires

into a field of budding hope

with the promise

of a beautiful new view