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Harsh

cold

dead

forgotten

slumped in the cold

shallow

as you are

you drift by

without a glance

or thought

as to how

they came to be

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Driving

brandon in front of a ferris wheel at Gorge 2016

Driving forward, nothing can stop him

With the will of a weed, he will steer

Through the chaos that fills every moment

Squealing tires and melting hearts, with little to no fear

Determined to make a life long remembered

His grip tight and spirit second to none

Taking his life and the world by storm

Transcending the scar of a forsaken son

No doubts trouble his insightful vision

Plowing through problems with ease and grace

His strength growing with each passing year

Determined to conquer and win each race

Shining his light into the darkest of realms

His fire for life a rare maternal element

Blinding en masse as his journey unfolds

His passion leads him to complete fulfillment

He will make each of his dreams happen

He’s a supernova just waiting to explode

Coupled with traits such as will and desire

Nothing can stop him or veer him off road

Your Reason For Life

for casz3

 

why would you deny Me, your loving Father

I offered you eternity, long before your life would end

you saw it coming

you know it’s inevitable

still proudly you refuse to believe and bend

~

full of stubborn selfishness

a scholar of men, thinking science proves you right

yet you can’t explain

what little you do see

let alone ignoring what you witness each night

~

quoting what you call greats

forgetting the Holiest One, your philosophies wax and wane

they explain little

only what you think

revealing the multitude left to explain

~

being humble isn’t in your nature, you say

but I created humanity to be humane, gentle yet strong

not to be proud

not to be self-righteous

but self-sacrificing as devoted servants belong

~

giving to one another, sharing every needed thing

your reason for life is to love Me and one another

never hurting

never diminishing

keeping all souls as your own sister and brother

~

so don’t bother praying now at your life’s end

its useless, for your time to serve has long since passed

you chose wrong

you wasted your life

and I, Yeshuah, have found you empty and unchaste

~

~~~~~~~

A Mountain of Forgiveness

8

 

most likely its my greatest of woes

like climbing a mountain with no toes

or swimming an ocean for a deep breath

what will I do if it means my death

this not forgiving I hold a grudge

double the anger gives me a nudge

greedy parasites cover earth in a mist

and cruelty is at the top of the my list

growing longer than impatience endures

with my peeves flying past in sharp blurs

I stumble repeatedly flailing off a deadly cliff

falling into shit with a miserable whiff

not quite finding the strength to dig on out

I crawl towards the mountain clawing about

while my heart and hands are covered in pain

I’ve given in to an endless reign

of evil and heartache till I’m finally full

rupturing and bursting my only soul

never learning that vengeance is God’s alone

only His to smite from His Holy throne

We’re All Just Mashed Potatoes and Gravy… ……..MIXED TOGETHER PEOPLE!!

 

there is no black and white

no yellow, brown or pink

there’s only love and hope

no matter what you’ve been taught to think

this lie about color that fills us full

of evil judgment and stupid hate

is just that, an incredibly evil lie

the enemy doth proliferate

trying to drive us further apart

leading us to defile, maim and kill

and worse, back it with the Lord’s name

can all change with just your will

your will to understand we’re all human

your will to promise to love all instead

your will to be accepting and not judge

your will to be stronger than society said

your will to create rather than destroy

your will to stand firm rather than be led

your will to truly follow in Jesus’ steps

ensuring your soul will never be dead

~~~~~~~

Wake up sheeple, we’re all just Mashed Potatoes and Gravy… all mixed up together!

THE ONLY THING THAT DETERMINES SKIN COLOR IS THE SUN!

If your family lives near the equator, you will have darker skin, to reflect the sun’s damaging rays and protect you from too much Vitamin D absorption.

The need for the right amount of Vitamin D is copied into our DNA and passed down to our children to keep them healthy.

THIS IS THE ONLY REASON WE HAVE DIFFERENT SHADES OF HUMANS!!!

SO WAKE UP ALL YOU IDIOT BIGOTS AND RACISTS!!!  WE ARE ALL THE SAME!!!!!!!

Stretching the Darkness

FGP9 - FIRST - woods behind snoq near bridge

oh, His eyes

were windows into my soul

straight through

an arrow slicing

into the desperate bottom

I had slid to

the faded shame

still circling the edges

of my darkest moment

accenting the distant light

as it floods over the brim

no stone untouched

except the one

I sat upon

wallowing in my own past

until finally

His eyes warmed

and gentled

and I knew His love again

as the light drew nearer

forgiveness

touched my heart

pulling ever pulling

as if a blackbird

flew away

stretching the darkness

until it snapped

Simple Loves

11

 

silver colored rain splatters upon the ground

spreading out like running sheep

hands flinging fingers open wide

making a point before a beep

muscles pulling the grandest jete

toes reaching the horizon in a leap

the minds of children creating joy

dreaming wildly while sound asleep

the look of new parents in any species

their tears of love uncontrollably seep

or me flying like a majestic bird

making memories I will forever keep

as easily as the trees in the breeze

bending deep

the simple loves in life

make me weep

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I wrote this because a friend and I were discussing how often she cries when people are mean to her. Its part of our job to deal with assholes, but it occurred to me when she said this, that I cry due to joy more often than anything else. Sure, I’m very empathetic and I cry easily if a friend is sad, and I’ll admit I have cried while watching many different types of moves, ie, the Green Mile, Phenomenon, where I bawled like a baby, and even at the end of Armageddon. (more for her losing her father, than for BW dying. lol ) Still for the most part, with mean people, I tend to get very Motherly and put them in their place. Even if I need to yell to do it!  lol  But my friend has a tender heart, isn’t very tough on the inside, and lets people walk all over her, which is sad, but I think a huge waste of tears. Those who are mean are just assholes, and you just have to let it wash over you, knowing they are miserable and will always be. Not my problem, not me that caused theirs. Simple as that.

But I’ve also learned over the years, it’s hard to teach someone to be strong, when they have no faith to give them strength. People say all the time…. OH I BELIEVE IN GOD… yet they have never once given their problem to God, wholeheartedly believed HE would take care of it, and relaxed back in the peace that this simple surrender will give. BUT YOU MUST HAVE FAITH. You must truly believe HE WILL HANDLE IT… and most people don’t.

They’re all about lip service.

  I do it daily. Usually in the morning while I drive somewhere. For some reason God and I do a lot of chatting in my truck. I ask for parking lot angels, idiot angels to keep me safe on the highway from idiot terrourrists, whatever I need, God wants me to ask Him to do it… so I do. And I am peaceful inside, not worrying about anything, throughout most of my day. Some days, yeah, I’m tired, loose my temper and have to shut someone up… but hey, no one’s perfect. lol  And God knows me inside and out. He knew I was going to do that. So why get upset, why chastise myself for not handling it right? Nope, I move on. Life is TOO SHORT to worry about the little shit. God knows why I reacted the way I did, and I ask him to forgive me when I know I’ve been wrong.

But folks, all in all, with all the weird problems in my life, I am a pretty happy person!

I find peace daily.

Find yours.

Find Joy.

Find God.

Immortal?

9

So, here’s my question for you all today….

Is it possible we can ‘earn’ immortality?

Or… for the other side of the coin; could we ‘evolve’ into it, on our own?

Someone mentioned it, and I can’t stop thinking about it. So here’s my thoughts, don’t forget to share yours.

On the one hand, there is a God, but scripture’s say it is not the deeds you do, it is the love you have inside for God, everything else, everyone else, that gets you into heaven… the eternal mortality that God offers is the goal; the bait; the one thing you do not have here on Earth. You’ve experienced love, been loved (hopefully) by at least one other being in your life, so maybe a new Daddy figure isn’t something you feel you need. But to live forever… FOR EVER?  It would be cool and boring, probably at the same time, and if everyone you loved wasn’t immortal, it would be amazing yet incredibly sad. But think about it, if we all lived forever, here on Earth, we would be wall to wall people… the planet couldn’t support us all… it would be much like it is now, with a lot more starvation thrown in. A lot.

But what if immortal doesn’t mean with your current body? What if immortal is impossible with our body?

Would you want it with your soul? Would you want it if they told you your brain went with it?? Or I should say, your mind? How about your heart; your love? Your feelings??  Wouldn’t you need all these things, for immortality to work? So where do our thoughts, feelings and love come from, if not our soul? Our brain tells our lungs to breathe; but what tells your lungs to hold your breath when you kiss? Or swim? Or blow up a balloon? This is your mind, not your brain. This is you… part of your soul. It floods you with warmth when you’re happy, and it chills you when someone you love dies. It rises up to sing with your favorite song. It explodes in your heart when you hold your child for the first time forcing you to cry with joy.

All this … does it go with your soul? Of course. It is your soul. This is what will become immortal with God. You. Your essence. Your entire soul. And from what I hear, you get the coolest set of WINGS to boot! So in some way… they have to be attached to you…. so you must end up with a body of some sort…right??? 

Now we go to the evolving aspect. It must be possible, somewhere, somehow, because we know how DNA works. Say you’re the one being on a planet who’s DNA alters just enough to where your cells never die, they just recycle themselves in some way… yes you would be the first…

but think about it… out of the BILLIONS of species on this planet, I would guess ALL of them… ALL of them have NEVER ONCE had their genes mutate into immortality. Are WE humans really that special that our DNA would suddenly evolve in a different way than every other species on this planet? If you believe in evolution, you also believe that something had to have seeded this planet with life, ie, bacteria from asteroids…etc.

That being said, literally, anything is possible. We know so little about our lives, our bodies, the world… the universes… it’s embarrassing really. But, we have only been around for about 10,000 years. Compare that to …. frogs… and you’d be blushing again, they’ve been around for over 200 million years…. so lets pick something younger in eon terms… how about a simple rose…. not even close, they’ve been around for about 35 million years… I could go on… my point… we are the youngest species on this planet. With maybe 10 other exceptions, mostly crap our lab tech’s have grown.. that they shouldn’t have!

There are also a few worms, flies and brine shrimp that can all go into suspended animation… the brine can survive up to 10,000 years… add water, and bam, you’ve got brine shrimp… but that’s only suspending life, not living eternally… and well, they’re bugs ya’ll!  Bugs! lol they don’t even know what being alive is.

So the chances that we could alter ourselves into immortality is pretty ridiculous. The fact that we don’t even understand HOW our cells know when to change, or why… or what made that protein decide to turn on a switch… folks… we don’t know SHIT!  OK! We only know the obvious, and that’s about .0000009% of what we need to know.

So my view is obvious… unless you’re severely slow you’ve figured it out by now… I say, go with God! He’s your best bet at becoming immortal! I truly don’t see us, a bacteria ourselves, evolving into anything as spectacular as an immortal being! But you will never earn it, with good deeds. You just have to LOVE!!! And it’s so easy to love God, and everything and everyone else… try it sometime.

Just go one day… where every single thing you see, every person, dog, flower… from the mailman to the boss you hate every other day… and be kind to them. Show them love.  And SEE what happens. Maybe nothing, maybe not… either way, sit back and FEEL what you did.

ENJOY that feeling of peace and happiness that your entire body has been tricked into feeling! Sink into it. Each time you are kind, people usually show you thanks, or love…. each time you reach out and touch someone physically, you are giving love, and USUALLY you will get love back. (now don’t be getting all pervy… lol) JUST TRY IT!!! And you will see… that feeling this way… is the GREATEST thing on earth. Right up there with the immortality you are going to experience!!

Smile

Sanded by Stone

3

It never seems to stop

this hankering

this… urge.

It flows into wideness

pushing at sloped walls

running down

fraught with turbulence

sanded by stone

ingrained in the depths

of your soul.

You will know

it’s character

when you immerse yourself

in a stream of truth;

just ask yourself

is it prodding you

onto an easier path

or simply goading you

over a cliff ??

Rubble

6

nesting in your soul

just beneath a cloudy day

right above a dried up creek

lies a motionless rubble strewn path

covered in weak branches

chipped at boulders

and burnt sage of all colors

waiting foolishly stubbornly

for a deluge

to save them

to meet their need

to relieve its loneliest limb

down to it’s deepest root

but the clouds won’t give

and the water walked away

the very same moment you did

Time Gives Everything To Those Who Wait

1

she was never one for waiting

chasing whatever lit her heart

into a flame

except that one time

she’ll never forget

for it lasted for years

the hoping

the dreams day and night

the never ending waiting

that never ended

it was just gone one day

leaving an empty hole

where love had once curled up

surrounded by a glow

of innocence and optimism

until the waiting dragged on

like a painful tooth ache

or a throbbing migraine

she’d tried to end it all

once

but God stopped her

but not the never ending

hurting

the never ending ache

darkening her soul

that never ended

for he had always said

time gives everything

to those who wait

and she’d waited

painfully waited

through the greatest years

of her life

a part of her had waited

always been waiting

that

never

ended

So… Congrats to me!

anniversary for blog, started in 2012

THANKS TO ALL OF YOU FOR 4 GREAT YEARS!

Evidently March of 2012 I started this blog, and have managed to keep it going for 4 years! Congrats to ME! lol You have to understand, being ADHD, this is quite the feat. I normally last about 2 years doing anything, before I’m bored and move on. This includes any type of exercise, sex, work, or play I get involved in. I’m not joking in the least, most of life has come and gone for me. I’ve lived in 10 different states, and only plan on leaving here… for Alaska… but still haven’t talked my self into that one… it would be a one way trip, I’m sure. lol  I’ve had so many different types of employment, from military to factory worker to secretary to field geologist, security officer…hahaha… to property manager, postal worker…eeeek….and that’s just what I can think of off the top of my pointy head… good Lord!… not counting motherhood of course… and I can’t remember how many there are… at least 20 or some awful amount I‘m sure.  My running record is 3 years max at any one job. Well, other than writing, of course. I mean a job that pays!

And you know what, I could care less that I don’t have a huge pension coming from some company I slaved at for 30 years… doing the same damn thing over and over and over again….by now I would have blown my head off! Jumped off a tall building, something… to bring life into me. ha!  I say congrats to all of you who have managed to do this… I wish you luck… and a happy retirement.  But for me… I LIVE FOR TODAY BABY!

I spend all my extra money on playing, because saving more than $5000 is ridiculous in my book. Money is always losing value, you can’t trust the stock market, or bonds even… so I say “have a blast”!

Anyway, sorry, got distracted there…hahaha I said ADHD!!!

So, managing to keep this blog up and running… well, I have to say… I owe it all to you! All of YOU!!! out there, who comment sincerely, I love you all!!

I also thank GOD, YHVH, The One and Only, for inspiring me to start it, and gives me the words when I ask. He gives me ALL my poetry for Him, even helps me write other stories, He inspires my stained glass, and steadies my hand for photography, but mostly… HE GIVES ME PEACE AND JOY!!!  Like nothing else I’ve ever found.

You ALL make my day! You give me inspiration! and you give me FRIENDSHIP I can’t find anywhere else!

THANKS TO ALL OF YOU FOR 4 GREAT YEARS!!!!

Another day… another try.

8

A gentleman walks by me, pleasant as pie, smiles and says “Mornin’”. The green dress clashes terribly a in huge fashion faux pas by partnering it with dirty brown Muck Lucks; white tube socks rolled to the knee cap. He’s a regular, and likes to chat a bit. One hand gently pressed against his lower lip as he waits for my response. Today his nails are black, but only a misshaped swampy island in the center of each.

“How’s it going?” My smile stiffens as I realize what I just said. To me, that’s like saying “hello”. With friends, it’s a real question, but acquaintances, not so much. It’s habit. I wish I was hiding under one. Tonight I’m tired. Didn’t get even an hours’ sleep. My back hurts. I’m just not in a good mood.

I try to lighten lives every day, thinking by sharing one tiny personal bit of info with another person, it shows they are not alone. I’ve done this my entire life, ever since a friend of mine died when we were young. It ended up being a freak accident. But suicide had been a topic we were all interested in at the time, I can’t remember why, but maybe it was just our age. My friend had written something and it grew into my roots. “If just one person had acted like I mattered, anyone, I wouldn’t have done it.”

Sitting on her bed, as I read her diary, she’d written a suicide note just weeks before, getting ready. She’d changed her mind; I never new why, but she didn’t do it. Just the idea of it, hurt my soul. I thought her life was fine. I also thought I was her friend, her good friend. Yet I had no idea she was contemplating suicide. I’d heard her say many times, that she felt alone in school, at home, even when she was out with friends. She felt apart, somehow. We always seemed to have fun, to me.

It stayed with me, became part of me, became a first response for me. I’ve always joked with people, strangers, friends… always. I love to laugh. And for the most part, I take the time to listen to people, even when they’re ranting, because everyone needs to be heard.

So the gentleman smirks, and launches into his latest problem; he needs a new razor blade for his electric razor, which I know instantly we only carry the cheap plastic emergency kind in the store. His full beard is at least an inch long, so I grin and say, “Well, I guess you’ll just have to become a Quaker.”

His giggle becomes a twitter and I try to make my escape. Three more times he comes to the counter and pulls out the hair and grease filled razor, showing me the old blade, in the hopes that new ones will magically appear. Each time my skin crawls at the nasty wad of pubes still stuck inside.

His last trip to the counter was timed to coincide with an empty store. Razor now back in the bag over his wrist, he says to me, “I want you to know I appreciate the fact that I never get the “judgy” tone from you. You talk to me like I’m “normal”. I just wanted to say thanks.” He was blushing a lovely shade of apricot, his eyes sparkled in the bright light.

I said, “The day I become perfect, is the day I will judge you. And you are normal. You are more normal than a lot of people I know.” For someone who was almost six feet tall, he ducked his head down so low I couldn’t see his eyes any longer, but his hand darted out and squeezed mine quickly before he left the store at a run.

I smiled, feeling good for a moment, and thought, “Now, how will I break it to him that the Muck Luck’s make him look like Grandma Eskimo!”

Another day… another try.

The Beginning

1

her knee peeked at her through an un-mendable hole

flannel two sizes too large billowing above three floors

of open space with six feet of ‘the willies’ to go

where the echoes of his laughter egged her on

here gripped the hand-me-down queen of clubs

completing the dare, it was always about the dare

the wall moved in a leaf killing wind

he picked his nose waiting in a silhouette

of sunshine streaming through the peak’s window

elbows shaking, her nails digging into ancient wood

giant “X’s” of two inch rotting death

for the hay pile below was almost as old

as the memories she would carry to her grave

of his hair glimmering as if he were an angel

about to throw his life away from four stories up

mastering an eleven year old flip

before landing in the decayed hay below

fluffy for about two inches, then dirt mostly

but she had to reach him first

or where was the fun in that

if she didn’t witness his feat inducing bragging

there would be no point, he’d wasted an hour

despite ending the day with a twisted ankle

or broken neck, they had no reference for that

she could never say no, for nine times out of ten

it was fun, he was fun, laughing his way through life

so of course, that day was the first time she ever flew

…but a drop

1

 

my life is but a drop

in an ocean raging

in one bleak moment

tossed under thunder

tears crashing in waves

and stunningly still the next

with the kiss of a breeze

blown beyond my awareness

I reel at the emptiness

as my being is sucked

into a roaring whirlpool

churning inside and out

squeezing my squeals

into moans and stutters

and when my last breath

and my final thought

are suddenly stolen

all I hear

is the ocean’s heartbeat

lapping against

a distant shore

The Window Frame

mountain 1

the window frame sagged

her finger trailed through dust

the floor rose up in a swirl as she passed

the ratty piece of carpet lying just here

and there

along with the memory of clattering dishes

burnt onions and a hunched vacuum cleaner

still plugged in

Perry Mason arguing a case

echoing behind naïve voices arguing a case

floating on the mites fleeing for cover

as the ancient desk filled the room

struggling to hold up

the rainbow of folders and fluttering notebooks

flying their way to the floor

one by one

some finding refuge on the paisley cushion

crushed into a canoe and now home to mice

becoming a new roof on a den

but the pen

chewed cap still in place

lay amongst her life

listing as her last thoughts lay beneath

… eyes blurring she blinked the words into focus

“YOU completed me… still, they suffered. Why…

didn’t You tell me?”

a sigh escaped as a rolled and worn sheet

leaped with hope

tapping once before finding rest

while its turbulence chases a fur ball

into fleeing for the sunshine

through the front door swinging wide

and following its own dream

of becoming a butterfly

~~~~~~~

for Jeannie XXOOO

The Power

rocks with water 2

the power

to move mountains

one rocky bit at a time

begins with a tear drop

or two

cast together

shameless and unswerving

lured by a deep desire

becoming a legion

undistorted

by a singular longing

winding

picking up speed

meandering

swelling

unable to resist

only restrained

by reflection

until

a tiny grain slips away

followed

by another

and another

until

sentiment

becomes

sediment

Thanks wordpress!

spider and flies and house

Have you all noticed… actually registered in your mind… how as you stroll through the myriad of others’ blogs, absorbing their takes on life and what is happening in their lives…. that your brain is triggered into inspiration???

I find being on wordpress has literally expanded not only my knowledge of events and life around the globe… but I am inspired daily by you all!!! New ideas come flooding into my mind as I read through everyone else’s blogs. It is making me a better writer!!

I think maybe for just a second or two … we should all stop what we’re doing… and think about life before the internet… as writers; were you all writing daily, in your own way… or were the dreams of writing hidden behind the rest of your life?

Until one day… bamm…. you discover wordpress… and began for the first time to really express your inner thoughts and desires… to have a voice… even if only one other person hears it…

I truly believe that the internet is bringing us closer as a global species… yet farther away as a family. We spend hours glued to laptops reading and watching others living life… missing out on moments with the lives in the next room… to draw closer to the world as a whole.

Maybe a hundred years from now, if we haven’t blown ourselves to bits, we can look back and say… this saved the planet. This… communication on a mass scale from every corner or round spot on the planet to every dip and dimple. Surely now… we will realize how we are all the same… all human… all hurt… all need love…

But I love being inspired with new ideas each day, even if I don’t have time to write about them.

So THANKS WORDPRESS… well done! and thanks to all the other writers, artists, photographers, and crazy people who inspire us all!

🙂

A True Christian

01 DuBois Falls

I realized something this morning, as I watched a video or two of Hillsong United. The first video showed them playing a concert somewhere in India (I think) and the massive audience was singing along with the song, as if they’d sang it a million times before. Then I watched them singing “Touch the Sky” in Spanish, as it looked like they were playing somewhere in Mexico or Brazil. Even in Spanish, everyone in the audience was singing along, praising God… It was Beautiful!

And for the first time, I realized how music is spreading the Word of God, the Love for God, across the globe. Being in America, we tend to think we ARE the Christian base, the Christian believers of the world. But missionaries have been spreading the word for centuries, all across the world. It made me tear up, watching them singing such a beautiful song, completely in Spanish. It sounded wonderful. And the love and joy they were feeling is clearly visible.

During both video’s they were showing at different times the conditions these people were living in, the trash dumps, tiny one room shacks with sheets for walls, the flies in their eyes, even one woman was living in a giant cement pipe used for sewage, but empty at the time, and lying somewhere in a desert town; here toddler runs to her as she sits in the shade of the pipe. And my heart is breaking, knowing these people are just barely living, barely alive, without food, without even a box for a home, just barely surviving on the edge of life…. and here we sit, eating fattening cheeseburgers and pizza, living in giant new homes, palaces to them… talking on our phones, and complaining the service isn’t fast enough and our electric bills are our of control.

And yet, it isn’t our fault we were born here, in the luxury of the US. It isn’t our fault that we have school systems in place to teach our children, and libraries to learn from, or parents with the ability to take care of us until we can take care of ourselves. YES, none of that is our fault, or our choice. We were born into it.

But can you even wrap your mind around the thought that someone else was born into poverty… like none you have ever seen? No home, no clothes, eating dirt to fill your empty cramping painful stomach, no water unless you drink the gray and brown puddle that’s been shit in by a cow or goat, or human. Such utter poverty that you scour through a dump site looking for a bent fork to bend back into shape and sell for less than a penny to get a teaspoon of rice to eat. Or find a dirty stained shirt to wear, because yours no longer has sleeves or is the same shirt you wore for 5 years and it’s too small for you or in filthy tatters.

No. You can’t imagine it, not until you see it live. Or live it. Just the simple idea that you have a flower in your yard to gaze at, one you may have planted yourself, and the poorest of the poor have never seen a flower. They see dirt, for miles on end, nothing but dirt; dirt and sand, blowing in the wind, into your eyes, covering your body, and they have never even seen a single flower. Because where there is no water, there are no flowers. Or food, or weeds, or herbs, or trees. Nothing, but pain, hunger, thirst, cold nights and baking hot days, and no home to go to. No parents to help. And certainly no government that will help you in any way.

That is what they live with daily. What they survive. Could you survive that?? Could I??

This is what God meant when He said “Take care of the poor!”

The true poor. Not some woman or man who is too lazy to support themselves and lives off welfare so they don’t have to work, stating they can’t work because no one will hire them, or they have back problems, or allergies, or whatever lame excuse they come up with. They are only poor in spirit. They have no idea what it is like to be truly poor. Plus here, they will not go without food. Even our poorest of the poor can walk to a soup kitchen, or get get food stamps, or stay in a shelter if there is room, and be fed. Yes we have poor people who are starving and homeless, but they can find food if they aren’t too messed up on drugs or alcohol to get it. Being homeless is a far greater issue, once in a while it is due to choice, but for the most part if they choose to, they can work their way back to a poor existence, one where they have some sort of shelter and money for food.

I myself have been poor for as long as I can remember. But I never go without a job or food, and I may live in a crappy trailer, but it has a roof and bathroom and running water that spews out of a faucet, so I don’t have to walk miles to get it. Or boil it just to drink it. I have always considered myself monetarily poor, but never truly poor. That is a whole new level I am thankful I will never have to endure. Because I live here. Because I have parents who would still take care of me if I needed help. Cousins, Uncles, Brothers and Sisters too. All who I could contact if I needed to for help.

The true poor have no one. NO ONE BUT YOU and GOD!

So the next time you are on your cell phone, and can’t upload your favorite song, that you are willing to spend $5.00 for…. think about the people around the world who could feed their entire family for that measly $5.00…. and do something about it! YOU CAN LIVE without it. THEY CANNOT!!!!!!

THAT is being a TRUE CHRISTIAN!!!

In This Being

4

 

Half of the time

rebels are lovely

you just have to catch them

at it, unawares, when

they’re not looking

for inevitably if they know

you’re watching

they behave differently

stand taller, form their thoughts

shake their bangs out of their eyes

swish their tail in a springy way

ultimately just a show pony

with long eyelashes

and a meaty hind end

but if you manage to sneak up

and see them meandering through

the tall grass, wind in their hair

a sunlit sparkle in their eye

you’ll see a moment of truth

an intensely felt flash of

perfect contentment

and there lies the soul

the root of this being

for you to see clearly

****

remember

THIS MOMENT… IN THIS BEING

when you need to forgive

forget or let betrayal go

for stubbornness comes

in many forms

from at least two angles

split by that fence

the long trampled grasses

at your feet

and the obstinate bees

mulish in their relentless pursuit

of each and every flower

Oh so stubborn

3

Oh but he’s so stubborn

wanting to live outdoors

under no man but every man

living off the land

filled with garbage cans

dumpsters and oh ick

how can he eat that

he hasn’t showered

I can smell him from here

shooting the moon

hanging around all day

grazing as if he’s free

through the piles of ashtrays

rolling around

in God knows what

shooing away the flies

swirling in his swirling eyes

oh yes he chose this life

to be free

he chose this life

repeatedly

On the Edge

2

On the Edge

6-28-15
 
poised for the moment
on the edge of humanity
a tiptoe through a kind moral
a fall from the depth of disgrace
turning to lucidly look back
lost in a syrup of decay
the deepest beauty too far
to fly to on wings of despair
destruction etched in the brim
aching to arch away freely
spiraling inward visibly
untwisted to the untrained eye
drawn to folding on the fringe
a society of unkind amity
mercy a mild sufferance
blinded by colors of greed
a sorrowful stock of flesh
in a race to outrun transience
rivaling an ephemeral
waste of the dawn

Fly

4

walking in a straight line

on a path that curves and rises

balancing life to avoid

failure

swaying

stumbling

falling

into the unknown

at the very end

or a beginning you fear

just around the corner

doesn’t mean you can’t

walk a tight rope

or trip yourself up

or fly through life

with elegance

or bumbling tumbles

it only means

you are traveling

on a journey

into the unknown

remembering your past

forgetting your future

just be

present

in every moment

and

fly

just

fly

ONE

1down

Can you imagine how the world would be changed… if we all thought “we are one”? If we all treated each other as if we were one single person?

There would be no hunger, no super rich, no homeless or poor… because we would simply treat each other as if we were them. We would instead think, THIS is enough. When is it enough? When do you have enough, you don’t feel you need more?

We would never have a reason to go to war, because who in their right mind starts a war with themselves? No one ever WANTS to kill themselves.

We would never destroy the earth in any way, we would FIND ways to travel from place to place, or to build things, without stripping and polluting our natural resources or killing animals for sport to make ourselves prettier or more virile. We wouldn’t need THINGS to fill our homes with that were useless and unneeded, because we wouldn’t need to impress ourselves.

There would be no such thing as a slave, which there is still, in this day and age. We feel so enlightened, and intelligent… yet in 2015 there are still SLAVES in our world.

There are still people who think it is ok to kill and murder over their beliefs, yet if we thought of each other as one, there would NEVER be a reason to kill yourself because you believe what you believe. There would be no suicide. No desperation, no loss and loneliness, for we would all be ONE.

I CAN IMAGINE IT! Can you?

I can imagine it right now, but only in what I imagine Heaven is like. That MUST be what Heaven is. We all become ONE!

I think I’ve said these things before, but I just felt the need to say them again. Maybe get the ball rolling. Maybe make just one of you stop and consider this… and begin to LIVE your life in this way. LIVE your life, don’t just make a living. Make a difference. BE THE SOURCE. BE ONE!

Maybe…. one day…  🙂

Harmony is Perfection

1

a harmony of elements

creates perfection

all different all unique

coming together

creating beauty

a multitude of difference

becomes

a harmony of resonance

for a single sound

doesn’t rise or fall

there is no melody

in just a single chord

or a single element

or a simple tone

or a single human

or a simple mind

With the Rain

2

I thank Almighty God

for the fierce rain

often steeped in darkness

reminiscent of Cain

ripped apart in a storm

creating a bloodstain

heaving over mountains

revealing Heaven in pain

blessing the terrain

meant to sustain

keening wildly down

God’s Holy face

veiled with tearstain

seeing His children slain

souls greedy and vain

covered in an unholy stain

bound by a selfish chain

eternally descending

with the rain

The Darkness You Anoint

cacti with eyes 2

Lost in a dry desolate life

void of the gentle touch of kindness

tortured by thorns turned inward,

those you may see or not.

Tossed aside for its deeds

and ignorant actions

when you could teach love

instead of disdain

and shame and pain.

For it is you who cast them

into dust and hopelessness

suffering hate, failure and loss

greater than a broken heart

greater than a wounded soul

as they are forgotten and rejected

by all who pass by.

Stepping aside quickly

to avoid apathy and guilt

until these thorns you see pointing

a straight path to love

have grown weary and fall

into the darkness you anoint…

For each soul etched with rain

forms more thorns strengthened

with each drop of pain.

Perceptions

5

 

floating away in a sea of clouds

of an age beyond innocent fury

watching the bonds blown apart

from above the will of a squall

the marriage of a lifetime looms

the accomplished rooted in a gale

the flurry fills a graceless culture

while I float away just a balloon

not even a permanent mist

slightly just out of reach

pausing when others run

pushed about in a storm

of my own gusty perceptions

watching them growing smaller

as I continue to travel on

leaving behind nothing humble

slowly becoming a bloated zealot

but then dubiously I burst

a wondrous splay of color

playing amongst the gray

dense edge of emptiness

The Path Ahead

1

head down

standing back in a quiet rage

watching your world go up in a silent blaze

you scream inside

only hear your own voice

raving deep down you have no choice

the heat searing

sweat dripping down your spine

your fear becoming cancer…

growing yet benign

running like the wind

concentrating on the path ahead

heart racing as your feet outweigh lead

looking down once again

your footprints trailing once more

then you realize…

you’ve been there before

Change

4

March 6, 2015

These spring flowers have been blooming now for over 2 weeks. They are planted

in North West Washington! A rainforest. Where spring comes in April!

Not February!

I just felt the dire need to document the decline of our atmosphere. Our spring

has been moved up an entire month. Now think about the drought that will follow

this summer. Our summer will probably continue into fall like it did last year,

reaching into September. With the crazy weather back east mounting to disaster

levels no matter the storm, if you had any doubts about global warming,

you had better wake up and take a look around you. We have altered our planet,

beyond what is the norm of cycles for massive weather scale size changes.

You can only leave your head buried in the sand for so long, before you need to breathe.

Think about it, I beg you… there are many different ways you alone can make a difference.

And if we each believe by changing our habits in just one way,

we are all joining together to make change in a great way, then

we will change!!

Below the Surface

5

His childhood buried a darkness that can be forgiven one day

Her first love controlled with bitter anger creating angels

Both sisters were afraid to go to bed but still call him father

Two brothers fled at the first chance yet broke the cycle

They lost both their sons to war while believing in the cause

On every inch of our planet you will find life

In every extreme with pain and suffering abounding

There is no black or white or purple or green

There is only pain and hope and sadness and joy

If you look inside just below the surface of wounds

You will find we are all the same

We are all different

Yet… we are all the same

A book of nameless faces

2-5-15 sunset

the youth of today seem so very lost

the internet creating insecurity and isolation

facebook becoming a book of nameless faces

reaching out for love and desperate consolation

as elders we grew up without being slammed

by images of false beauty and fake fame

most of us remember a time before TV

where a sunset was glory without shame

I wish we could teach them they’re missing out

on a life in real time filled with touch

where self esteem grows with earned value

interaction blessing others, hugs and such

we’ve created this world of robotic loss

full of selfishness and loneliness abroad

where a vast high speed emptiness

is supremely void of a relationship with God

HIS!

9

God loves me, this I know, very, very much,

I know by His constant forgiveness and His Grace filled touch,

He has never forsaken me, never left me behind,

Not once in my life, not in one moment I can find.

~~~~~~~

As I stood here, thinking about my life, I realized something about myself that I rarely admit to.

I am the greatest of sinners. I’ve gotten into the habit, each day as I head to work, of asking God to give me the strength to not gossip. You may say to yourself, oh, that’s not a big sin, but it is. It is just as bad as murder, rape, stealing or cheating. For each and every sin.. is just that, a sin. For it not only passes on bad feelings about someone else, and shows I know nothing about true love and forgiveness, but the hate for someone else increases. I am not only hurting this person, I am telling someone else to hurt them also. I am telling them this person should not be loved. I am giving them a reason to not value this person, to not trust this person, and to dislike them, not only for their own reason for this, but adding on mine.

I tell myself, I wouldn’t gossip if I wasn’t surrounded nonstop by people who do, which is true, but it is no excuse. I have no excuse that I can see for allowing myself to jump in and add to this gossip, which I do.

I tell myself I am pulled in by their unhappiness and hate, yet maybe only once a day do I manage to not join in bashing this person.

I tell myself it’s because I work, literally, in a den of thieves. In a place where greed runs rampant, and people are rude, selfish and worshiping money. But this is still no excuse.

I also tell myself, that God has given me this job, not only because I asked for it, but because it is the greatest test of my will and faith, that could have ever been placed before me. And I have failed miserably, almost every single day of work this past year.

I try to be honest with you all, and I realized as I gazed back at some of my recent posts, that I must sound like a true Christian to some of you, but that I truly need to let you all know… this is not the case.

I am a sinner. I am so far from perfect, I am shocked some days, by what comes out of my mouth. I may not kill, I may not lie, and I may not steal, but I clearly show I do not love like God wants me to.

I truly desire to be a true Christian, but as the saying goes, I am a work in progress. I am reaching for God, I am reaching for a goal that is almost insurmountable at times… yet I AM reaching. I AM trying. And I just felt the need today to let you all know… none of us is perfect. None of us even comes close. At least no one that I know personally. And I for one, am at the top of the list!!   But…

I am trying. I am aware of my faults. I am willing to change. But I stumble, often, daily, hourly even. Still… I try.

And once I stop trying.. I will have lost the battle.

So forgive me all, for trying to sound so good and righteous, when clearly I am not. But don’t think for a moment, that I am stopping my pursuit of God! He knows me like no one else, and He still loves me with all His heart. THIS I know! And He forgives me, each day, because He knows… I am trying.

So keep trying… no matter what your battle may be… do not give up. He can forgive you any sin!! And He will. Just don’t give up trying not to commit that sin!

God Bless you all!

A Trace

1

his mood shifted

from distance to blame

his eyes haunted remembering

how honesty turned to shame

a tear hovered on the edge

as he jerked looking away

into the beyond unknown

of an intensely longed for day

a blink of meek cowardice

flashed across the hazel flecks

thinking of his life tripping by

in years of desperate wrecks

looking back at life gone by

a squandered youth of pain

trembling and dire indiscretion

falling further toward insane

still he wavered picking his nails

his need growing scratching at his face

his legs pumping in nervous fear

not a shred of dignity left…

not even a trace

the brume

the brume:

He chose the shallow shadows swirling crushing gripping his soul and in one jolt of electric pain

the shattering sound of hope exploded in my heart.

Twelve days of Christmas joy thrown to the dogs of hell

chasing him all the way down a road with no end in sight.

I hear the demons hot laughter as burning incessant insistent fire

rages through his rotting bones in a torrid expansion of desire.

My tears chase him exhausted blistering at the edge of a pit that no hand can grip

without scorching the flesh dragging all who try to ruin.

I see the murk like the slime of a thousand slugs dripping across his path

as he slips and falls and his will flails.

A nebula of gloom and dusk clouds over his clear eyes

like the brume of erebus blinding him from the light

binding him once again in the darkness known only as

pure unadulterated evil.

Hope

blog2

 

hope

like a hummingbird

flitting in and out of a turtlehead flower

flitting in and out of my heart

hope

like a butterfly

fluttering up and down in a breeze

fluttering up and down my spine

hope

like a bird in flight

soaring high over life’s doubts

soaring high no matter what lies below

hope

like a busy bee

buzzing in circles around my head

buzzing in circles is eternal

hope

like a mockingbird

repeating a phrase such as:

he who has hope, has everything

~~~~~~~

therefore in this very moment

I have everything

… everything

🙂

Please pray one and all…

7

climbing the walls

enduring the pain

he’s trying again

just like the rain

he wants to come back

suffering through it all

drenched in doubt

curled into a ball

up to day four

counting minutes past

the dark holding on

clinging to the last

drop of his strength

still reaching for light

sick and worn out

still trying to fight

the evil that has held

his life in endless hell

please pray one and all

he’ll soon be well

(… and make it this time …)

(thanks)

No Matter the Reason

1

 

standing alone in a cold brisk wind

shivering beneath the clouds

a wave of shimmering snow falls

as they moan barely holding on

trying to stay warm

under a blanket of avoidance

with no one noticing them

as they pass by without

saying a word or kind thought

struggling every single minute

their world shattered

by indifference and disregard

yet we all know deep down

they shouldn’t be there

no matter the reason or way

still we pass by over and over

never once with true compassion

in our hearts

Flight

upside down heart

 

testing patience

standing on a precipice

laces untied

chores long forgotten

as another sigh escapes

 

while their imagination

takes hold

takes flight

dancing on a breeze

filled with innocence

and all you see is jumping off a counter

Let it go… Let God

Finding forgiveness from one day to the next

in myself and for others is as hard as it gets.

There isn’t much in life that appears to be harder

even death can be easier to handle and find peace.

Losing a job, a friend, even a child lost in time

seems easier to process than forgiving someone.

Truly forgiving, deep down, letting it go to never return

makes us greater, stronger, able to rise above the pettiness.

Yet today I don’t seem to be able to find it in myself once again

therefore I pray, ask for strength and hope God will do the work.

One…by one

1

 

blue jeans faded

like the brightness

in her eyes

a star during the day

no longer shining

sitting beneath

a gnarly ancient tree

she decides

she’s a mirror of all

the rotten apples

falling slowly

one

by one

as the chill sets in

a green worm

climbs out

pausing only

to decide

which path to take

now

Second book is online NOW…. Long Before Time – The Moses Beings

Woot Woot, my second book is up and running!!!  (Don’t download the Kindle version yet, it looks messed up and I just informed them it’s not showing properly… so it  may be a day or so before it’s ready…)

 

Long Before Time cover

 

 

here’s the link… in case you’re interested!!  ONLY $11.92 right now!!

http://www.amazon.com/Long-Before-Time-Moses-Beings/dp/150098163X/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1409469066&sr=1-2&keywords=long+before+time

With the Dawn

11

With the Dawn

 

after months of nothing

no call no word

a Mother sinks in darkness

worried sick

nothing at all to do

only fear rearing in ugliness

then panic sets in

as she gazes at a notice

about a foot and a shoe

the only found remains

floating silently adrift

cresting above the blue

the authorities baffled

as she reads the news

filled with heart stopping despair

making call after call

reaching out to everyone

blocking the passage of air

she prays through the night

her God her only hope

fearing the worst come true

a friend searched relentless

until in the wee hours

his call finally comes through

he’s fine or at least alive

still drug addicted and lost

as his life in darkness goes on

yet once again he wants to try

he says can I come home Mom

as his Mother weeps with the dawn

Long Before Time – The Moses Beings

I wrote this poem today, to use in my second book,

Long Before Time; the Moses Beings.

Every four lines in a stanza are inserted at the beginning of each chapter. Yes, I know it is very long, the longest poem I have ever written, as each stanza is a short “poetic representation” of the chapter it heads. It is more like a short story, but there are 29 chapters in the book. lol

Enjoy, and I will applaud you if you make it to the end without falling asleep!! 🙂

 

Long Before Time

 

Embroiled in a desert

yet frozen in time

life sparked in a fire anew

amidst a pulverized grime.

 

A journey began in darkness

creeping below a cool moon

searching for a hazy hope

waning in the afternoon.

 

An indigo hint of life

sprinkled like spring flowers

barren of song or soaring

emptiness fell in showers.

 

Danger near at every bend

yet faith endured echoing

a promise from beyond

nigh a spirit of knowing.

 

In sickness and in health

‘til death do they part

striving to survive

unrivaled love fills the heart.

 

Taunting moments

endured for too long

shifting into joy

erupting into song.

 

Praying for comfort

kneeling on a mountain temple

abruptly desolate and alone

accepting far from simple.

 

Reaching a river’s edge

a black swirling menace

fighting back the tears

only calm on the surface.

 

Starting over

an inconceivable cost

devastation unbearable

wandering and lost.

 

Still life finds a way

while painful to the weak

crafting laughter gently

for the humble and the meek.

 

The birth of all things new

from trees to life in the sea

outshines deaths’ stroke

as a bird soars free.

 

Winging its way to the ocean

heading into twilight

the day escapes in a flutter

a journey fashioned in flight.

 

The crushing of the waves

a thundering travesty

a pretense of floating beauty

brilliant as an eagle’s majesty.

 

Just as the mountains range down

reaching for its pebbles fallen

the sea grips life in a tide

rolling engorged and swollen.

 

Like bricks pounding

or a seashell of pearl

the ocean rages inward

in a deadly savage swirl.

 

Like the madness in a horse

eating until it’s bursting

a briny sadness fills the soul

and sorrow leaves it thirsting.

 

Similar to a wandering spirit

days turn into weeks of pain

the folly of a vagrant life

becomes a brackish rain.

 

Yet even Dahlia’s suddenly close

before a miserable storm

sealing up a meager home

their dwelling safe and warm.

 

Despite the unusualness

of the moon controlling the tides

announcing a novel presence

an owl rarely hides.

 

Survival means its hunting

nightly hour by hour

watching life above a darkened trail

eyes wide open and dour.

 

Prepared for the unexpected

option for an offered meal

like a bear or any other predator

an owl swoops in with zeal.

 

Known for their protectiveness

guarding against danger in the night

this spirit beneath the pale moon

only rests in bright sunlight.

 

Truly as the twinkle of stars light

an ancient well-worn path

this bird of prey knows not

to incur an eagle’s wrath.

 

As he soars above all

a surveying menace in his domain

spiraling down to his mate

safely nested his children remain.

 

Thus he journeys far and wide

he will die to shield and defend

his offspring from any calamity

with almighty talons to rend.

 

For she has birthed

the greatest glory to God

majestic and grand

for all to applaud.

 

Then he will teach them

every skill he’s ever known

how to reach the almighty heavens

just as he was shown.

 

For nothing is greater upon this Earth

than reaching Almighty God above

rising above the windswept skies

and receiving His Almighty Love.

Pent Up

my mouth spews before my brain catches up

yet even without names to blame

I know it’s not right

somehow I’ve missed the part

about righteousness

kindness

turn the other cheek

so why did it feel so good at first

releasing pent up frustration

it reminds me of Yeshuah

when he destroyed the moneychangers

and screamed at their filth

filling a house of God

I know I have no right to this anger

its not even close to righteous

but I wonder if sometimes even He

was just so disgusted with others

he wanted to scream for a moment too

and felt bad later

the shame creeping in

at letting the human side rule

even for a second

dragging us down

and if His Father was disappointed

or simply told Him

just breathe

Reality vs. Riding the Train

When they say “Leave the driving to us,” they intentionally leave out the rest. Or maybe that’s the catchy phrase for the Greyhound bus service, not sure, but it fits nicely to the Amtrak train ride from hell. I can completely relate to the old term, “Hell on wheels.” 

I listen to a guitar picker playing “Yes, we have no bananas,” at least 15 times, I lost count after 9. I can’t sit in my seat any longer, the perfume thick as thieves is choking me. So I’m stuck hanging out in the dining car after the bar closed the first night. Hungry, sober, tired and bored, book finished… now what? I plug in my laptop and play Spider Solitaire ‘til my eyes meet the Jack’s, only stopping when I begin to have feelings for him.

Another hour or so until the next cigarette stop. This is where we stop in some deserted town, everyone scrambles outside, to stand in the cold foggy mist at least 30 paces from the doors. I don’t know where, don’t care, just stop…please let me out.

This was only the beginning of the 36 hours of almost continual hell punctuated by two hours of humor and 34 hours of nasty smells. The re-circulated air of 200 people should be illegal. I can’t get comfortable, seats are straight up church pews, for the money I paid to let them drive for me, they should be Lazy-boy recliners.

Fast forward 6 hours and the conductor says over the intercom, “We apologize for the inconvenience, but the dining car bathroom is plugged up,” to which I leave the dining car area and head for the other end of the mile long train. The aroma wafting throughout chases me mercilessly and could kill a bull elephant.

3 minute cigarette break in the middle of Los Angeles, aaah… fresh air.

I purchase a bottle of water for a mere $3.50, then contemplate the same amount for a bag of chips, or $9.00 for a slimy Italian sandwich from a vending machine. I choose the sandwich, much to my dismay. The sideways rocking of the train makes me want to hurl said sandwich within minutes of finishing it.

The view out the window of Honey Boo-Boo houses on one side, or cardboard condominiums and rotting sofa’s upside down for shelter on the other, has me saying a quick prayer to God that we don’t break down. I realize a lot of America is being left behind and ignored.

The sun finally comes up and I watch the poor Mexicans bent over in the fields, picking corn rows of chard and kale for one last paycheck of a whopping $25.00 for a week’s worth of back breaking work in the hot baking sun, and think about how they must be taking all the jobs from hard working Americans before they dare to be added to the welfare line for winter. How dare they do work we, Americans, would never once consider doing. We need to build a taller wall! (That was pure sarcasm in case you didn’t pick up on that!)

I strike up a conversation with a teenage boy who says, “This is nothing like in the movies!” Really? Does he honestly believe life is ever like it is in movies? We need to teach our children better than this, as I watch him dreaming of the cute girl 2 rows up: where’s the magic, he wonders?

I wonder too, until night has come again and I’m getting drunk in the bar car. This hot guy, at least 20 years younger than I am, slides in next to me in my booth and starts groping me. He obviously has a thing for wrinkles… from head to toe. Tells me he wants to rendezvous in the bathroom, right before I accidently spill my drink in his crotch. Damn, now I have to go buy another $10.00 watered down drink. But at least he sets sail for some other hot grandmother.

I end up sitting across from this crazy homeless looking dude, who keeps offering me his peanut butter sandwiches. I realize after 8 more hours, he’s totally cool, even if he is a bit smelly, so I keep to my side of the booth. He is homeless on purpose and is a traveling Minister for his church. He walked from Seattle to San Diego before and is planning on walking back this trip. He spends his time living in a tent and trying to help the homeless find God. We spend hours in the dining car, while he plays beautiful Christian songs on his guitar, which seems to be pretty common on train rides. We get to know each other, talk about everything from God to my adorable sandals, which I stupidly wore not realizing it would still be cold in California in December. Silly me, as my toes are now hypothermic; I thought I was going to hit the beach and catch a tan. I totally forgot I was not in Hawaii when I packed. Also forgot a blanket, a pillow and head phones for my laptop. Not to mention my swimmers nose plug! That would’ve come in handy!

My advice to you, use the same $500.00 you end up spending on the train and fly! Not only do you get back 30 hours of your life, but you might get a friendly pat down and probe from the NSA! All of which would be better than riding the Amtrak!