stellar 1



is but a word

that can’t begin to describe Him.


dripping from His palms

floods into oceans with a flick.


becomes a word

at the atoms’ first glimpse.


creating worlds

of life to love and care for.


of all kings

the word only lacking His Majesty.


He fills with time

inching forward on a spec of dust.





circling arms of light

warming our every moment of sight.


after oath He gave

showering us with all His love.


the Author of it all

carved in sapphire with a sigh.





held in His hand

dances for the first time.


answers His call

shining as his Father asks.


He filled with Holy Spirit

giving choice to us colored with hope.


abound each moment

with eyes to see and ears to hear.


how deeply God

the only God loves His children.


will He walk away

for He carries us wherever He goes.


He pours to fill space

As Time He Counts Us Eternally.




Thank You YHVH… for it all




I May Have Been…



I feel like I may have been a little harsh in my last post. 

But as usual, I never think before I post.

It just spills out of me sometimes.  I felt, while writing it, like Yeshuah was angry, and wanted to make a point. Don’t get me wrong, it was all me, because I have yet to hear Him speak to me. You will not hear me say out loud, ever, that “God Told Me…” and go on with something I made up. I truly love God, as my Father, and Yeshuah as his arm, or branch, or the Son of YHVH, THE All Mighty One.. I could go on and on… He takes care of me. But despite many prayers for Him to speak to me, it hasn’t happened…yet!! But, for some reason yesterday I just felt like Yeshuah should say something, as the poem oozed out of me. I’m guessing it was the Ruach Hakodesh, the Holy Spirit.  I think sometimes it prods me on like a poker to a horse…get moving old girl, He says…. lol  But, no; yesterday I was just feeling feisty.

This other part of me… just wants to yell at people.  Have you ever felt like that?? You just want to strangle people! Seriously, I’m in fear of becoming a serial killer.  lol  I’d be the Cherrieo’s Killer, due to my gf calling me Cherrieo’s; I in turn call her Corn Flakes, due to her being a bit ditzy sometimes.

I digress.

Take the moron at work this am that was a proud racist, and smarted off to me about it…. but tucked his head in shame as he ducked out the door. This was right after I told him, “Uh, no…” at this point I make a big ‘no’ face, like I’m speaking to a kindergartner, “sorry, but we’re NOT RACISTS here, so we’ll have NONE of that kind of talk!” He left smiling, because I was smiling, but he understood at that moment in time, he was so wrong! He was not in a world that still lives in the 80’s. 

I truly hope he thought about it for a while, ducking his head like he did, I know he was ashamed of himself… but if I hadn’t stopped him… he would have continued on for the rest of his life, thinking it was ok to make comments like that.  Sometimes I wonder, if it only takes ONE TIME, before the embarrassment can alter ones’ open aggression and the self-centered-self-righteous bullshit they’ve concocted to convince themselves that they are better than someone else!  Hell, they actually think they are better than a whole group of people who are different than themselves.

Anywho…. today I’ll try to post something lovely… everyone loves puppies and springtime! Smile

A Mountain of Forgiveness



most likely its my greatest of woes

like climbing a mountain with no toes

or swimming an ocean for a deep breath

what will I do if it means my death

this not forgiving I hold a grudge

double the anger gives me a nudge

greedy parasites cover earth in a mist

and cruelty is at the top of the my list

growing longer than impatience endures

with my peeves flying past in sharp blurs

I stumble repeatedly flailing off a deadly cliff

falling into shit with a miserable whiff

not quite finding the strength to dig on out

I crawl towards the mountain clawing about

while my heart and hands are covered in pain

I’ve given in to an endless reign

of evil and heartache till I’m finally full

rupturing and bursting my only soul

never learning that vengeance is God’s alone

only His to smite from His Holy throne

His Death

fire river 2


His soft and gentle blood ran in red rapids

While His torturous death gave me my life

How I ache to become His devoted wife

Sadly I deign to think He’d have me

It’s discerning to learn I can’t repay Him

I’m disgusted my blood is soured and weak


Yet His hope is filling an empty vessel

Dripping in time with each weeping need

Holiness replacing my soul with a lamb

Drowning me until I’m finally freed


Suddenly I’m high with unbelievable spirit

My drumming heartbeat flows into music

For I will always be deemed worthy

Without one single second thought

Someday soon I will be His Adoring Wife

Because His Pure Love Gave Me Life


As His hope is filling an empty vessel

Dripping in time with each weeping need

Holiness replacing my soul with a lamb

Drowning me until I’m finally freed

When God Walked By


When God walked by, the Holy Spirit was seen

swirling with Joy and Hope in the sway of His Being


The truck screeched to a halt to capture this amazing moment in time, my heart beating wildly as I grab the phone and jump out, my only thoughts “wait, wait, wait…”  There is no added colors or enhancements to this photo other than turning the brightness down a touch. The clouds were on fire yesterday… just another reason I have to point out to all, that living here is heaven. People say it rains here all the time, but we only say that to deter people from coming here to live. The beautiful town I have lived in for 25 years or so makes me smile every day. You call it a rain forest, I call it heaven. From January to June, it is neon green with new growth on the trees and plants everywhere. From March to October it becomes every shade of neon with Rhodies and Peonies and mountain flowers loose their minds, roses go insane and that’s just a few of my fav’s. And from October to February all the giant leaf Maples and smuggled in Japanese Maples turn from bright reds to orange to yellow. So if you think my world is just green pine trees, rolling across a few XXL hills, you’d be wrong. Even with the overcast clouds, once in a while they are grey and menacing, but for the most part, they’re cool every day. And believe me, I watch those clouds daily, to see what days I’m going to be able to fly! I watch them all the time. And I see patterns from gorgeous giant storm formations to the criss-cross hell of the government planes spraying the sky to reflect the light away from earth.  Huge giant plaid sky’s that start out with just one trail of a plane, that should dissipate within 40 seconds or so like a normal contrail, but turns out, it spreads in every direction and is in fact a chem trial, or what they now try to hide by calling them “consistent contrails”.  HA!  NO SHIT! Chemicals the government is slowly killing us with, making the most beautiful patterns in the sky. I hate them, but the chemicals are making for spectacular sunsets and sunrises. The chemicals take days to fall from the sky, barium, aluminum, silica…whatever they’re poisoning us with, raising the degree of brightness and is magnified in so many of my shots, I am constantly turning down the brightness just to get a shot.

Like God’s Artwork needs any improvements!

Life Finds A Way


Life finds a way

in a river

atop a bus sized boulder

with only a few things needed:

sunshine, water

and something to hold onto.

In life, to find your way

through the twists and turns

raging falls and calm pools

atop a boulder or under a spell

struggling through some eventual rapids

or floating along peacefully

you only need a few things:

the sunshine God created to grow our world

the pure clean water and food He created

and His Amazing Promise to hold onto.

Everything else is just wind.

Forgiveness is Sunshine


best above launch clouds


do you feel His arms surrounding you

curled in gripping you tight

through the nightmares in your life

never letting go

not once all night



do you hear His calling for you

soft yet echoing in your ear

rising with hope screaming with joy

that insistent loving

voice you hear



do you wonder why He loves you so

as any parent aching with the loss

seeing His children floundering in sin

you are still special

loved at all cost



do you not see how Greatly He Loves

when darkness looses its sickly masks

when you choose the graceful light

forgiveness is sunshine

and trying is all He asks




So, here’s my question for you all today….

Is it possible we can ‘earn’ immortality?

Or… for the other side of the coin; could we ‘evolve’ into it, on our own?

Someone mentioned it, and I can’t stop thinking about it. So here’s my thoughts, don’t forget to share yours.

On the one hand, there is a God, but scripture’s say it is not the deeds you do, it is the love you have inside for God, everything else, everyone else, that gets you into heaven… the eternal mortality that God offers is the goal; the bait; the one thing you do not have here on Earth. You’ve experienced love, been loved (hopefully) by at least one other being in your life, so maybe a new Daddy figure isn’t something you feel you need. But to live forever… FOR EVER?  It would be cool and boring, probably at the same time, and if everyone you loved wasn’t immortal, it would be amazing yet incredibly sad. But think about it, if we all lived forever, here on Earth, we would be wall to wall people… the planet couldn’t support us all… it would be much like it is now, with a lot more starvation thrown in. A lot.

But what if immortal doesn’t mean with your current body? What if immortal is impossible with our body?

Would you want it with your soul? Would you want it if they told you your brain went with it?? Or I should say, your mind? How about your heart; your love? Your feelings??  Wouldn’t you need all these things, for immortality to work? So where do our thoughts, feelings and love come from, if not our soul? Our brain tells our lungs to breathe; but what tells your lungs to hold your breath when you kiss? Or swim? Or blow up a balloon? This is your mind, not your brain. This is you… part of your soul. It floods you with warmth when you’re happy, and it chills you when someone you love dies. It rises up to sing with your favorite song. It explodes in your heart when you hold your child for the first time forcing you to cry with joy.

All this … does it go with your soul? Of course. It is your soul. This is what will become immortal with God. You. Your essence. Your entire soul. And from what I hear, you get the coolest set of WINGS to boot! So in some way… they have to be attached to you…. so you must end up with a body of some sort…right??? 

Now we go to the evolving aspect. It must be possible, somewhere, somehow, because we know how DNA works. Say you’re the one being on a planet who’s DNA alters just enough to where your cells never die, they just recycle themselves in some way… yes you would be the first…

but think about it… out of the BILLIONS of species on this planet, I would guess ALL of them… ALL of them have NEVER ONCE had their genes mutate into immortality. Are WE humans really that special that our DNA would suddenly evolve in a different way than every other species on this planet? If you believe in evolution, you also believe that something had to have seeded this planet with life, ie, bacteria from asteroids…etc.

That being said, literally, anything is possible. We know so little about our lives, our bodies, the world… the universes… it’s embarrassing really. But, we have only been around for about 10,000 years. Compare that to …. frogs… and you’d be blushing again, they’ve been around for over 200 million years…. so lets pick something younger in eon terms… how about a simple rose…. not even close, they’ve been around for about 35 million years… I could go on… my point… we are the youngest species on this planet. With maybe 10 other exceptions, mostly crap our lab tech’s have grown.. that they shouldn’t have!

There are also a few worms, flies and brine shrimp that can all go into suspended animation… the brine can survive up to 10,000 years… add water, and bam, you’ve got brine shrimp… but that’s only suspending life, not living eternally… and well, they’re bugs ya’ll!  Bugs! lol they don’t even know what being alive is.

So the chances that we could alter ourselves into immortality is pretty ridiculous. The fact that we don’t even understand HOW our cells know when to change, or why… or what made that protein decide to turn on a switch… folks… we don’t know SHIT!  OK! We only know the obvious, and that’s about .0000009% of what we need to know.

So my view is obvious… unless you’re severely slow you’ve figured it out by now… I say, go with God! He’s your best bet at becoming immortal! I truly don’t see us, a bacteria ourselves, evolving into anything as spectacular as an immortal being! But you will never earn it, with good deeds. You just have to LOVE!!! And it’s so easy to love God, and everything and everyone else… try it sometime.

Just go one day… where every single thing you see, every person, dog, flower… from the mailman to the boss you hate every other day… and be kind to them. Show them love.  And SEE what happens. Maybe nothing, maybe not… either way, sit back and FEEL what you did.

ENJOY that feeling of peace and happiness that your entire body has been tricked into feeling! Sink into it. Each time you are kind, people usually show you thanks, or love…. each time you reach out and touch someone physically, you are giving love, and USUALLY you will get love back. (now don’t be getting all pervy… lol) JUST TRY IT!!! And you will see… that feeling this way… is the GREATEST thing on earth. Right up there with the immortality you are going to experience!!




they began as a seed, tiny thoughts growing in my mind

touched by a whisper and nudged lightly on occasion

burst into action when truth no longer mattered

as His Holy Spirit feeds me with wise intent

I bloom into majesty the color of spring

following the gracefulness in His step

listening to kind loving guidance

spoken into a peaceful heart

His pride roaring on that

Grace filled morning

when His eternal

hints became





Inspired by the Book of Thomas, The Nag Hammadi Scriptures

29a. Jesus said: If flesh (sarx) came into being because of spirit it is wonderful.

If spirit came into being because of the body

it is exceedingly wonderful.



nesting in your soul

just beneath a cloudy day

right above a dried up creek

lies a motionless rubble strewn path

covered in weak branches

chipped at boulders

and burnt sage of all colors

waiting foolishly stubbornly

for a deluge

to save them

to meet their need

to relieve its loneliest limb

down to it’s deepest root

but the clouds won’t give

and the water walked away

the very same moment you did

one step away…

You never need to shout

Your thunder isn’t anger

it’s Your great power

unleashed yet tamed

for it is needed

to water Your flowers

You never need to scream

to be heard in the chaos

we just need to listen

when You offer us quietly

death into a beautiful eternity

we think we must jump

run to catch up or race wildly

but we are only one step away

from an unbelievable heaven

from such utter happiness

just one tiny step away

from You

You reach out gently

and touch my soul

Your Spirit whispers so softly

I AM here forever

waiting breathlessly for you


now I understand

why You whisper

for You are only

one step away


“Is the reason you whisper because you’re one step away?” Jason Upton

I’ve been browsing stories I wrote last year, to submit to a publisher, and came across this one… although its not what I needed, I thought you might enjoy it, in case you missed it the first time. :)

Behold Love!

I went in search of something, I wasn’t really sure what. I ended up at the top of mountain, sat down, leaned against a rock and thought; This is what God see’s, from His point of view. Every thing so tiny, colorful, yet we only see about 1% of the color spectrum, so I thought He must see even more glory. I inhaled slowly, inhaling the brisk, even the molds and damp grasses tickled my nose, the heather just starting to purple. I hear birds calling to me, and wonder what they say; go away, go away. My mind continues on, I let it ramble, ignoring all the junk in my life, down there. I’m above it, I think. Rise above it, I think, and look upwards naturally following my own thoughts.

I finally notice the glow nearby, off to my left, the clouds are almost burning. It startles me out of my mundane thoughts, and I begin to watch it closely. The white is blinding, yet yellows glow even brighter, just as a voice says to me, “I Am here.”

I nearly crack my head open, jerking back into the rock, the pain waking me to instant reality. In a tiny voice, I choke out, “Hello…Father.”

“I love you.”

“I love you.”

My heart has stopped beating, I’m gasping for air; I think I’m going to have a heart attack. Then my Father says, “Calm, child. Calm.”

I force myself to slow my breathing, feel my heart slowing down a tiny bit, then spit out foolishly, “Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.” For some reason, I think if I’m going die, I better be ready. And this is the only line that pops into my head. I could swear I hear laughter. Deep, chuckling laughter, like my own biological Father would have sounded. It eases me a bit, pretending the voice is my own Father’s, putting my mind to rest that I may not be dying after all.  Hearing what I think is my biological father’s voice actually reassure’s me, even though he passed many years ago, and a part of me knows it’s not him. It doesn’t occur to me that he’s here to usher me on… instead it calms my nerves, perfectly.

My mind starts racing, I’m talking with God, what do I say, what do I want to ask Him? The one question I’ve always wanted to know, I ask, “How did you do all this?” I look at the valley below me, the mountain peaks still covered in snow, the rivers coming together like huge snakes meeting at the bend around a hill.

“I Am.” was all He said. Well, duh, I thought. I heard the laughter again, and smiled, knowing He had read my thoughts.

“Then why?”

“Why not?”

“Because… we’re idiots. We’re destroying it ALL.”

“I create moment by moment, second by second, eternity by eternity.”

“But why us?”

“Why not? Why the bee’s? Why the cougar? I have a grand imagination, just as you.”

I was getting frustrated. I don’t know what kind of answers I wanted or expected, but these were just not detailed enough. Staring into the bright yellow light for too long, I looked away to blink, the dot blocking my vision. When I looked back the clouds were swirling. The yellow was growing, churning, and getting larger. I looked West into the sun, realizing I needed to head down soon, or I’d be hiking in the dark. But how could I possibly leave as long as God was right here, talking to me like my next door neighbor? I know instantly, He will make sure I get home safely, so I relax a bit again, back against the rock, and think. 

I’d been reading this crazy conspiracy story yesterday about what actually happened after 9-11, and the scripture it kept referencing was Isaiah 9:7, so I asked Him, “Lord?”

“Yes, my child.”

“Is it true, what I read in that book yesterday, about the scripture of Isaiah?”

“The word is always true, when I give it.”

“Is the word in the Bible true? All of it?”

“True as they saw fit to write about it.”

“But was it Your Word?”

“It was inspired by My Word.”

“Well, what should we do: should we be Jewish, or Christian, or Catholic or Muslim or…..or what?”

“You should Be Love.”

“Do we have to believe in Jesus, to go to Heaven?” I know these were childish sounding questions, to even me, but I had to get as many questions in as possible, as I didn’t know how long I had to talk to God like this. My mind was racing, chasing every single thought I had ever had about God and Jesus around in circles in my brain. I placed my hand over my heart to calm it, hearing the word “Calm” again, this time inside my head.

“Do you believe in Me?”

“Well, yes, of course.”

“Do you understand what it means to be Holy?”

“Umm, pure, honest, good, loving, kind…” I answered in a half-hearted attempt. Because really, what does Holy mean? In my eyes growing up in a Christian based dousing of beliefs, no one had ever explained to me what Holy really was. The purest of pure … what?

“Holy means I AM. To be I AM you must Be Love. I AM HOLY LOVE.”

“You are pure love? That’s what I AM means? I thought it was ‘the all knowing being’ or something.” I smile along with His laughter again.

“You have more wisdom than you share.” Ouch, I got that. Ok, straighten up, ask proper questions, don’t anger Him whatever you do.

“So many other religions don’t believe in Jesus, are they wrong?” I asked.

“I have sent many Profits, Teachers, even Yeshuah to help you. Even He couldn’t make you see the Light.”

“Have you given up on us?” I started to pray in my head that He wouldn’t say no, then realized I was about to pray to Him, who was right here, and added, “Please don’t give up on us.”

“I Am.”

“Oh thank G… God. Thank You.” This is weird. Really tripping me out. I so want to pull out a cigarette, but think I will be struck by lightning if I do, so I wring my hands instead, cross my legs and sit up, preparing myself for what I really want to know.

“May I ask another question?”

“You may.”

“What am I supposed to be doing?”

“You already know, My child.”


“Exactly what your heart is telling you to do.”

“But what it’s telling me to do, is spread your Word, and I’m trying to do that. Don’t you want me to do anything else? Start a church; hold rallies; be a conduit for You to heal people; scream it from the mountain tops, what?”

“I want you to follow your heart, and Be Love.”

“But that’s so easy. I do that all the time.”

“Do you?”

I had to stop for a moment, and admit to myself, no, not always. Not even most of the time. But I had been trying. For several years now, I had been trying to find the truth about God and Yeshuah. Both… oh, now I know what I have to ask.

“Are you the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost? All three, yet One?” This answer alone could shock the world, if I were to repeat it. So I waited with out breathing for His answer.

“I AM HOLY! I AM LOVE! Do you understand?”

“Yes, sort of.”

“No matter the name you put to it, the teacher who teaches it, the follower who follows it, or the script you try to write about it, Love is truly all that matters.”

“So don’t waste my time on worshiping Yeshuah, just focus on You?”

“Yeshuah taught you to Love I Am First, did He not?”

“Yes, He did.”

“Is Yeshuah My Son?”

“Yes,” I answered. I truly believed He was. I could answer that honestly, because Yeshuah was the ONLY man in all of human history who had walked the Earth in pure love. Others had tried. Others had said they were, but they weren’t. For some reason, I have no idea what, but in my heart I truly believed this. He was special. Different from profits that have come and gone.

“Is the Holy Spirit my Word?”

“Yes.” I answered, half guessing this time, because I still believed they were three separate things.

“It is My Breath, My child. Yeshuah is My blood. So yes, We are I Am.” He stopped for a moment, and I stood up to draw a bit closer to the edge of the mountain, drawn to the light mesmerizing me, and sat at His feet, or what I thought were His feet.

“Was He the Truth, the Light, the Way?”

“Everything He taught was truth and light. His way is My Way.”

I felt very close to God at this point, sitting there looking up at Him. Or at His clouds, with fire in them. It didn’t matter what He looked like, I knew in my heart with out one single doubt that I was talking to God. So I asked him, like I might my own Father, “Are you disappointed in us?”

“I Am.”

At this point I wasn’t sure if He meant He was, or if He was saying again that He was Love. So I said, “Is it near the end?”

“Every second is an ending and a beginning. BE LOVE! HOLD LOVE! BEHOLD, LOVE! Every second of your life. Then your end will not matter or concern you.  There is no tomorrow. There is no yesterday. They are only in your imagination. There isn’t even ten minutes from now. There is only NOW. Every second of your life, Behold, Love.”

I paused here to think a minute, because I couldn’t get that nagging book out of my mind, so I asked Him again, “So like in that Isaiah scripture, that matches up so nicely to current events, and the Judgment you brought against them, will that happen here in the US? Have we removed You from our nation? Denied You repeatedly? Are we facing Your Judgment right now, just like they did?”

“You are one second away from all Eternity, every second of the day. Your Judgment will come when you stand before Me.”

“But have we angered You? Have we pushed You away so far, we face Your Judgment now, like in the scripture, ‘You remove the wedge of safety, You let the terrorists in, through the wall.’ Our leaders have stood and quoted that scripture, like morons, NEVER KNOWING the whole story behind it, and how each time they said WE WILL REBUILD they were only defying YOU! Repeatedly copying that scripture to the letter; they replaced the debris with a new cornerstone, the Sycamore/Fig tree was ripped up from the roots, and then they actually planted a Conifer tree in that same spot, just like a cedar, defying You again! Not once knowing they were fulfilling that ancient scripture. I just can’t believe we’re safe from Your Judgment after they vowed repeatedly to defy YOU, knowing our leaving You is our real problem, and so we did what just they did. Rebuilt higher walls, keep doing the evil shit we’re doing, and blaming it on terrorism.”

“I Am. If there is but one of you left, after the chaos you have wrought that Loves, My Mercy will cover you.”

“So individually, if we don’t believe as some do in the US, in greed, and hate, and murder, we’ll be fine.”

“If you Love, in ALL that you do, you will become love. As you become love, you become Holy. As you become Holy, you become I Am.”

“What if we don’t?”

“When you stand before Me, you will have all eternity to think about it.”

I laughed at that, and heard Him chuckle again. God had a sense of humor. He was not only pure love, but He laughed. That alone made me feel so safe and secure. Why, I don’t really know, except that I had an odd sense of humor myself, so maybe I was just relating to it. Or God actually was like my Father. So caring, so forgiving, so very loving.

I AM His child. I may be half way through my human life, but in His eyes, just like my biological Father’s, I will always be His child.

“Thank you SO much God, for all that You do for me … daily, minute by minute, I can’t even begin to thank You enough.”

“I know. I Am. Now go write a new script about Love. Be love. And know I will always Love you!”

“Yes, Father. Will You give me the Words?”

“I always do.”

I laughed again, tears eking out the corners of my eyes. I felt so good inside, I wanted to stay for ever just chatting with God, but He said, “You must go, or I will have to carry you… again.”

I laughed again, just couldn’t quit grinning up at God, just sat there basking in this wonderful overflowing Love for a minute or two. Finally I signed and asked, “You’ve been carrying me for years, and years. I hope You have one of those back braces, or something?”

“I’ve held worlds in My Hands; you, My child, are like a butterfly’s kiss. A precious butterfly I cherish.”

I stood up brushing off my pants, and smiled hugely up at the clouds, and said as I slowly backed away, just like I always do to my own sons as they head out the door, “Love you SO much.”

God answered, “Love you more.”


~~~~Scripture referenced is Isaiah 9:7 to 9:11 Quoted from Qumran Isaiah Scroll:

(7) The Lord sent a word upon Jacob and it fell in Israel. (8) And the people know, all of them, Ephraim and the inhabitants of Samaria in the pride and largeness of heart saying: (9) The bricks are fallen but with hewn stones we will build. The fig trees are cut down but we will change them to cedars. (10) And YHVH will set on high the enemies of Rezin against him and his foes. He will gather together (11) Syrians from the east and the Philistines behind and they shall eat up Israel with open mouth.  For all this His anger is not recalled but His hand is still outstretched.


I have this sword…

some days I swing like a girl

once in a while I slash like a superhero

and other times

I simply stick it in the ground.

This same sword can protect me

if I decide firmly to use it.

This sword can cut down my enemies

no matter how strong they may be.

It is so strong it makes me fearless.

And this sword… was made by the best.

This sword is my ‘will’

some days I go back and forth

once in a while I cut to the chase

and other times

I simply stick it straight in the dirt

standing my ground.

This sword was given to me

ten thousand years ago

when God gave me ‘choice.’

He handed me this sword

and said…

“Choose Wisely.”


“Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.”
Matthew 10:34




You flew to me out over the sea

Rising with a storming gale

Spreading out Your ancient arms

I saw You through the veil

Glorious Your light was blinding

Yet as I took Your hand

I settled on a floating cloud

And there You made me stand

Holding each and every breath

As fear rose from deep inside

My heart stopping all at once

Looking down at the crashing tide

You said softly “Just trust Me”

As I looked into Your loving eyes

I knew my heart was about to burst

As we soared beyond the skies

He’s With Me

He’s with me

through the hopeless years

the pitying tears

the stupid fears

He’s with me

when I know He doesn’t care

when I don’t feel Him there

when all I have

is an empty stare

He’s with me

when I choose the wrong door

when I step off the wrong floor

when I think

I need more

He’s with me

under that nine foot wall

under that last straw

under that deathly pall




The Mystery

the Ruach Hakodesh told me once

the Lord works in mysterious ways

He doesn’t want us to know it all

for this is only His place

He watches from above forever

blessing us with just His presence

calling us His children no matter

how fallen our inner essence

altruistic and cryptically obscure

His benevolence shines through

He forgives us repeatedly from

His magnanimous and lofty view

unknowable His great veiled hope

uncanny to us His reasons why

He never expected us to understand

He only asks us to try


Yesterday, my day was filled with darkness, anger, sadness and was just a horrible day in all.  I got so angry at an old friend on face book I literally screamed at him and unfriended him!  Something I thought I would never do.  I finally ended up just leaving to go comfort my friend, Nikita’s Mom, and we talked for hours, which helped immensely.  But when I came back home, the darkness descended again. 

I have to say, I really feel it was evil that streamed into my home and heart through my nightmares.  I really believe now that I am reaching enough people all across the world here on my blog and my face book, that I truly think satan was attacking me.  It’s not that I’m so conceited as to think I am a minister, or preacher, because I am SO not in real life.  I am outgoing and friendly and caring, but I have way too many faults to ever try to become a real minister type.  But I think that people are reading my poems and I pray some are coming closer to the Lord when they do, even just giving them the idea, or what I call, “planting a seed” and waiting for the harvest.  And I think I have started to affect enough people that satan has noticed me.  And I truly love the thought that he cringes every morning when my feet hit the floor!  That just makes me smile.

I can’t really explain how bad it was, but it was a dark cloud that consumed me, was almost visible it was so palpable in my home, that I sat and prayed hard to God last night.  I literally yelled at satan, screaming at him to leave my home, my head and my heart, and demanded it via Yeshuah’s Holy Name!  I banished satan, his evil hoards, and demanded that he stay out of my dreams and heart, all in the name of GOD and YESHUAH, my savior, the TRUE KING OF KINGS, and LORD OF LORDS!  I then asked God to surround me in angels last night; to envelope me in a ball of love so nothing could penetrate it!  I also asked the HOLY SPIRIT, Ruach Hakodesh, to fill my soul with peace.   And I also asked God to forgive me for my behavior and anger yesterday, and to help me conquer this darkness, and to keep me on the path that follows His Glorious Son!!!

Some of you may not think this kind of thing works, but I slept soundly last night until 8am this morning!  I didn’t have one bad dream, and instead had 2 nice dreams, relating to the songs I had heard earlier in the day on the Christian rock station I listen to.  They floated through my dreams, playing, me singing along, and this morning I feel light, lighthearted, full of joy again, peace is resting on me like my clothes; softly covering me!  I kid you not folks, believe what you want, but GOD is real, HIS SON is phenomenal, and even the Ruach Hakodesh brought peace into my heart!

Its a GLORIOUS DAY!  I say, as I stare at dumping rain, overcast darkness outside, but in my home and heart….there is GREAT PEACE and MUCH LIGHT!!!!

And thank you to all of you who chimed in with wonderful thoughts and kind advice!!!

Have a great day, my friends!!!  May God Bless You ALL!!!!!   🙂





be still and know, I am

here in your heart

holding you each night

we’re never apart

like a butterfly

still in a cocoon

I’ve wrapped you tight

to open wildly soon

colors will explode

across your wings

and every single angel

joins together and sings

your rebirth is complete

you gloriously portray

a painted new angel

to light the way

to be His child

to be His child



to be His child

to always be loved

no matter what

you do or say or feel

to be heard in the dark

cared about at all times

watched over from above

healed and forgiven instantly

is peace


like nothing else

found here

nothing, nothing

on this Earth

in this life

comes even close

not the love of a man

or woman or child

is remotely as comforting

or as peaceful and serene

as it is

to be His child


Thank You Father

Turn to the Lord

Turn to the Lord



I turn to the Lord on my darkest day

hoping for a ray of light

I’m blinded by His Forgiveness

His Mercy gives me sight


He’s forgiven His children

the lost and untaught

yet despises the turning away

the mocking unsaught


I turn to the Lord now

in my hour of greatest need

for once you’ve learned

you must nurture the seed


He teaches me wisdom and truth

says search deeper each day

nothing on this Earth is worth

the Light of His Life and Way


I beg you to turn to the Lord

He gives another chance

each time you hear His voice

He strengthens your stance


He rages fiercely at the dark

His anger thundering fire

yet Abundantly forgiving with Grace

His true deepest desire

When I say…

Michael is my warrior friend, watching over my lost son, I am not lying.  I have felt very unsettled all week, which believe it or not I rarely worry about my son, because I have given him and his addiction to God and Yeshuah to take care of.  If I hadn’t I would’ve sunk under the weight of despair.  I’ve done all I can, and after I originally prayed and gave the problem to God, I was filled with peace and the worry just left my mind.  Thoughts of my son are always hovering close by, but really, I don’t worry or even think about it for long periods of time, long like weeks.

So last night when I went to bed around 10, after putting in 36 hours in three days at work, I thought I would sleep like a log.  But I didn’t. I tossed and turned, and thoughts of my son plagued my dreams.  I woke up this morning with the worst nightmare still playing in my mind, someone had shot my son and thrown his body in the river, and would never be found.  Probably the worst dream a mother can have…..but typical of the types of dreams I have, the kind of horrific nightmares I’ve had all my life.

I sat up in bed and said a quick prayer, my usual, which isn’t full of bullshit, but short and to the point, because I really don’t think God, the Holy Spirit or Yeshuah want to hear us ramble on and on, listing out every single praise we can imagine, going on and on about how wonderful they are.  I really don’t.  So my prayers usually go something like this:

“God, please continue to watch over my boys.  I know you will, you are always so good to me.  Yeshuah, please keep your minions of angels watching Douglas, and Michael, I know you must have been working hard last night, so thank you again for taking care of him.  Thank you for all my blessings, Father, I love you!”

That was it, and then I got up and went into the kitchen, nuked some water for my coffee, and then sat on my couch to boot up my laptop.  Before it booted up, my son called me and said,

“Mom, I’m in Issaquah and catching the bus, can you pick me up at 9am?”

I said “ok.”  He hung up and I thanked God for several minutes, with many heartfelt deep praises.

I picked him up and brought him home, and after I said to myself out loud again, ‘God you are so good to me’, he turned to me and said,

Yes He is.  Mom, I thought I was gonna get shot last night….” and went on to describe an event that scared him so much he took off on the last bus to Issaquah and then slept behind the Target to wait until morning… to come home.

Michael, my warrior friend, once again saved my son.  As a mother, or father, or even adoptive parent, this scenario seems like it’s what was on the TV last night, and you may think to yourself, this kind of thing will never happen to my children, I won’t let it!  But, let me tell you, it does happen.  It happens without your consent, and when you sit and think about it nonstop as it’s happening and ruining their lives, it will rip you to shreds if you don’t have the strength to handle it.  I tend to think God knows I’ve become a strong woman over the years, and can handle this, but even to me THIS is devastating.  To me, my heart, and my son.

So when I say, God is SO GOOD TO ME….I MEAN IT!

And my greatest wish for any of you out there, who don’t have faith, is that someday soon the light streams into your heart and fills you with the LOVE and JOY I have in my life.  EVEN while surrounded in darkness…the LIGHT shines through and I feel the Glory.


Knowing Peace

Knowing Peace



rushing towards fear

I know I can face it

pain, shame, betrayal

even sinking in darkness

theirs not mine

I can swim through it

for I float in peace

already established

my anchor in a storm

of hate and jealousy

swirling rising always

I won’t be dragged down

pulled under or snagged

because I skim the surface

like a flower petal fallen

into the river raging

still I know

after the painful falls

it’s calm and peaceful

near the rock

the shepherd inside

the shepherd inside



when she rises to face the morning…he rises with her

when she walks through chaos…he walks with her

when she smiles with deep joy…he grins also

but when she cries out in painful anguish

he cries out for her in a holy silence

and then he pulls her back in

and whispers in her heart

“I’m here, my love,

I will


be here

with you,

my little lost lamb.”

sucking at the rock

blue rocks


stretched like a rope

between a carrier and a dock

pulling tightly like the raging sea

sucking at the rock

spanning despair with pure light

not flinching a tormented balk

double crossed heartlessly

handed over to a vengeful flock

ripping a sacred shroud with spears

battering rocks for talk

beaten broken and slaughtered

His only sin an honest walk


What, do you suppose, does it mean to be Holy?

Giving your time at a soup kitchen, smiling away?

Or never thinking or saying an unkind word?

Why, do you suppose, anyone would want to be Holy?

What is the point in becoming the best of you?

When it appears to be just as satisfying to be your worst?

When do you come to the point in your life you want to be Holy?

Is it usually when you need something you cannot provide?

Is it when you realize there has to be more to this life?

Where, do you suppose, can you find a way to be Holy?

In a church or a building full of other lost sheep?

Or in the red sky above you filling with a million stars?

How in the world do you go about becoming Holy?

Is it when you stop judging others, before you forgive?

Or is it when you love every living thing, before you live?

the real mystery

People who say “I’m spiritual, BUT”, make me crazy.  For if you believe you have a soul or spirit, something that is NOT physical, that could possibly live on after your body dies, something that will mesh back into the universe when you die;  how can you not believe in God or that there IS some kind of life after death for that soul?

Is it confined to your body, this thing you cannot see or measure?  Is it only there because you THINK it is?  Do you feel it?  Can you touch it?  Or is it just you, compressed into your thoughts, effected by your feelings, that tiny answer you hear when you ask yourself a question?  Is it a glob or an entity, encircling you like an aura?  Bouncing off and meshing with other souls as you meet?

If you don’t believe there is a God, that only your brain sending electrical signals is what gives you all your thoughts, sensations, feelings, etc., then how can you believe you have a spirit?  It almost seems like an oxymoron to me.  That you can believe one way or the other, but not both.

You either believe you have a spirit or soul, that exists separate from your brain yet within you, or you believe your brain is the center and controlling force of your entire being.

I think to believe both ways, is just ridiculous.  I believe my brain controls my physical body, but my soul is in charge of my thoughts, my dreams, my desires, my imagination and creativity.  And I believe it is completely separate from my physical body.  It is SPIRITUAL.  IT IS A SPIRIT.  My soul.  My spirit.  I think they are one and the same, existing DUE to the brains electrical firings.  There are many magnetic forces out there, we cannot see or touch, that effect everything.  THEY are created by electrons, neutrons, protons, etc.  THIS IS HOW GOD created the universe.  Everything that exists universally is determined microscopically.  We are all just giant bags of electrical currents running around in watery currents.

WHY is it so hard to imagine our souls are the result of this magnetic electricity, and the result of that is an entity of GOD.  A SPIRITUAL PIECE OF GOD, so to speak.  WE are made in His image.  Why cant that be a part of the massively intelligent energy that GOD IS?

DONT GET ME WRONG….you can believe you have a spirit or soul, without believing in God, YHVH, Yeshuah, Jesus, or any other belief system you want.  What I don’t get, is WHY?  Why would you believe you have a soul, without believing there is a purpose for it?  Why would you believe that we are any different from animals, merely existing throughout their lives?

When you consider the thought that we believe animals’ brains consist mostly of instinct alone, preprogrammed memories or ways of surviving only, we tend to place ourselves above them, THINKING we are better because we THINK.  Yet, why would we?  Think?  What would be the purpose of thinking about our lives, when animals have existed for billions of years and gotten along just fine?  With the only exception in nature being the fight for a certain amount of area to exist in, to find food and mates in?  The only problem arising from this, would be over population, which is easily solved by their life spans being so short.

SO why do we think?  Why would we need to?  When we could survive happily without it.

If you don’t believe you have a soul, I will pray for you.  If you don’t realize there is more to life than just existing and procreation, I believe you have completely missed out on LIFE.  Completely missed the point IN life.

If you have a soul or spirit, and you know it…ask yourself why?  What could the purpose of it be?  Why DID it EVOLVE in US?  Why would you want or need a soul?  What possible benefit could it have?

Maybe God wanted us to feel His way.  Imagine and create His way.  Maybe He needed a way to communicate with us.  A way that is half Him and Half us.  A way to bridge the gap.  A way to guide us, help us, teach us.  LOVE US, be with us.  BE IN US!

DO animals have souls?  Or do they just naturally love unconditionally, even offspring of others?  Even humans who are continually cruel.  Animals also naturally forgive.  Look at abused animals, and you will clearly see it.  Even after continual abuse, they still want your love.  THEY still love.  Yet supposedly they are programmed to think almost entirely on instinct.

Do they NEED a soul?

Or is it only us who needs a soul because we have yet to achieve that instinctual perfection of existing peacefully without conscious thought!

Proverbs 26:2 “As the bird by wandering, as the swallow by flying, so a curse without cause shall not come.”

What if all our diseases were created through sin?

Why don’t we think this is possible any longer?

Sure in the old days, preachers and priests alike would go around screaming all day, condemning others, saying your sin is what is killing you.

But what if it’s true?  To this day, scientists don’t know what triggers our body’s basic cells into doing what they do.  They guess, they make theories all day long, but not ONE can tell you why a non smoker gets lung cancer and a lifelong smoker doesn’t.  Not one can explain why a child would get a horrible disease, or why some of the cruelest monsters ever born never get sick.  They say its our immune systems, or our DNA is different; but not one scientist can tell you why your cancer went ballistic and turned malignant.  The only difference between a non-malignant cyst and a cancerous tumor is how often they multiply.  Both feed off your body, creating lumps where they shouldn’t be, yet one stops growing for some unexplained reason and the other eats you alive.

What if you look at the issue of depression.  I’m not sure of the statistics here, but depressed people have more ailments and illnesses than those who are not depressed.  Which in itself tells me our own minds can control our illnesses; the state of our soul inside does matter.  Making them worse or better.

Or take cancer; many people beat cancer, and doctors themselves will tell you it was because they had the will.  The will to live.  The will to beat it, the will of others backing them up.

Yet to prove my theory, I would need to explain why its possible for mean nasty monster type people to live into their hundreds.  But this is easily proven if you consider this; their soul and heart only care about themselves to the extent that they are at peace with themselves.  They feel no shame, no guilt or remorse for any of their actions, thus they are physically healthy due to mental illness.

Whereas the rest of us do feel guilt and shame and remorse for our actions, because we are working towards becoming holy.  No matter your religion, across our globe people strive to become better people.  It’s in our nature.  We want everyone to love us, thus at some point we must become so pure and good, that everyone will.  We may not consciously admit this, but for the most part, all humans strive to be better.

And when it comes to children being ill, I truly feel there are only two reasons: one, the child is so pure God calls them home to Him while still perfect; two, the illness is a lesson for the parents alone.

In the Torah and the Bible, both words ‘disease’ and ‘sin’ are synonymousDoesn’t that strike you as odd?

III John 2:  “Beloved, I wish above all things that you may prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth.”

Even as our soul prospereth: which means when our soul is healthy, so is our body.

Do you know that ‘peace’ in your heart can balance the chemicals in your brain?  Can also calm your blood pressure and your heart rate?

Imagine if we all remained in a state of peace at all times (sorry, I just can’t imagine it. lol)

If you read Deuteronomy or Leviticus, you will see it states plainly that for every disease, there was a curse.  If we obey God, we are blessed, if we do not we are cursed; and in those scriptures, almost all the curses are diseases.

Proverbs 17:22 “…a broken spirit drieth the bones.”

Proverbs 14:30 “a tranquil heart is the life of the flesh; but envy is the rottenness of the bones.”

So maybe the next time you start to feel sick, something just isn’t right, before you head off to the local doctor, stop what you’re doing and review your life.  Are you wrestling with envy, anger, hate for another human being?  Dig deep for the truth, DON’T allow EXCUSES to blind you.  Dig deep enough into your reasons for still harboring bad thougths about this person, until you reach the point where you understand why they did what they did…even if you need to guess an answer, come up with ONE reason for their actions.  Then, you can forgive.  And forgive completely.

Am I so jealous of Joe Schmoe because he got the promotion over me, that the jealousy is now eating away at my internal organs.  (Imagine going to the doctor to have him tell you, “I’m sorry but your sick with jealousy.”  lol)

Am I still holding a grudge against my sister, my Mother, my Father, my brother for always being the smart one, or the one loved most by my parents, or the sickest of all who molested you.  My parents never loved me.  My Mother beat me.  My Father didn’t care.  No matter your childhood or your reasons, there are DEEP deep issues buried in all of us…until you address them, come to terms with them, and even forgive them, you will always be sick; sick at heart.  Which we all know, leads to illness.

Just sayin…  🙂  and just trying to instigate your mind into thinking in a new old way!

God Bless you ALL with good Health, body and soul!


life here suffocates me

especially after being light

I miss my elegant wings

peace and wild flight

clouds envelop me like ropes

meanness rules harshly

barbaric tribes devouring

children impotently

violence enjoyed


by sick twisted desire


watching starvation

en mass unashamed

I feel the filth

an oily cruelty untamed

feathers muddied

with callous corruption

 hand in hand with charities

darkness invades every single nation

I’m done here now

they destroy everything

Dad, please grace me

with another pair of wings


We are not human beings having a spiritual experience.

We are spiritual beings having a human experience.”

Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

Blank Space ~ the end

“Oh dear God, Tommas, are you ok?”

“Yea, just give me…a sec.”

“I was just going to call 911.”

“I’m ok.  I … I need a nap.”

“Ok, baby, here,” she said as she helped him up, unsteady, he leaned heavily on her.  By the time they reached the kitchen, he shrugged her off, embarrassed, but strong enough to walk on his own, and went to his room.  He laid down heavily, breathing deeply, tying to slow his heartbeat.  Then he rolled over to grab his back pack, pulling his lap top out, and rolling back again in one quick urge.  He sat still for a minute, then opened his laptop, and turned it on.  He was afraid he would forget the vision, so he had to write it down.  He reached behind his head to smoosh the pillow under his shoulders, and sat up half way.  Then he began to type.

Chris looked in about half an hour later, saw him sleeping, with the laptop still open on his stomach.  His head was tilting to the right; his hands still on the keyboard.  She tip-toed in, slid the laptop out from under his hands, and left the room, shutting his door.  She laid it on the kitchen counter, and pulled her phone out of her back pocket, to text the store and let them know she wouldn’t be in today.  She needed to be here.  She was so worried, so filled with horrible ideas of what was happening to her son.  She was truly terrified.  This blank space was going to ruin his life, my baby!

Grabbing a cup of coffee, she pulled out one of the bar stools at the kitchen counter, and hopped up, setting down her coffee and pulling the laptop towards her.  She read:

After meditating for about five minutes, I was at my highest pitch humming, vibrating the chakra that’s for my brain.  My normal view behind my eyeballs is a red color, pink sometimes, orange.  Today, I went from orange to bright bright red, then all the sudden my mind pictured the beam of light coming down into the top of my head.  I didn’t even think it, it just appeared…  BAM MOFO!  Nearly knocked me on my ass.  I was already sitting, tho, but it was like an explosion!  I sat there, holding my breath, remembered to breath and began humming again, this time the light was only red, and then white, so bright, my eyelids squeezed shut tight.  Then in the bright light, a black center started coming towards me, getting bigger and bigger, until I saw it was the dragon head, black this time, with red glowing eyes.  Coming towards me, getting bigger, then it stops all the sudden, the bright light gets brighter, if that was possible, and a SUPER FKN bright beam of light ZAPS the shit out of the dragon head.  It shatters into a million pieces.  I see the pieces fly, in slow motion, one lands at my feet, and as I look closer and closer at it, it’s getting bigger and bigger, and is a chunk now, instead of a tiny piece.  I am staring down at the chunk when it vibrates with this deep sound…and I swear, I thought it said, “Poison.”  It didn’t talk, IT DIDN’T, I swear, but it vibrated and I THINK I heard it say poison.  WTF!!!! 

Chris pushed the laptop away, closing the lid.  She sipped on her coffee thinking about what he wrote.  He didn’t think I would believe him!  It hurt her feelings to think he couldn’t trust her.  That he could possibly think she wouldn’t believe him.  It was a vision, anything could happen.  She stared across the room, looking up at the portrait framed of her and Tommas when he was about 4 years old.  It was her favorite of all the pictures in the house, because you could easily see he was giggling.  He had been at the time the picture was taken.  The photographer was great, he had this orange and black tiger, that made funny noises when you wiggled it back and forth.  Tommas had laughed so much that day he had tears streaming down his face in a few other shots.  It almost brought her to tears, sipping her coffee, remembering that day.

Her mind continued to wonder, about three more seconds before her motherly instincts took over and she thought about her child, childhood, poisons, mercury, mercury poisoning, no, he hasn’t been exposed to any mercury, wait, mercury is a poison in its natural form, so were other rocks, her mind kept churning, his rocks, his fucking rocks!  The dragon!!  She jumped up, and hurried back to his room, creeping in and going over to his rocks, the ones in the window.  And there it was, the dragon head.  She picked it up, and quietly left his room.

She opened the laptop again, turned it back on and set the rock down.  She walked over to the sink and washed her hands, before coming back around the counter to sit and type on the laptop.  She googled “pictures of poisonous rocks in their natural state.”  Then took a sip of coffee before looking closely at his rock.  She noticed how his rock seemed very weathered, like the river had hollowed out layers inside the rock.  It was probably why he liked carving it so much, because he could etch easily into the crumbling flakes and create the dragon face.

Her mind was exuberant and wouldn’t shut up.  SCREAMING AT HER…why didn’t you think of this first?  Kids die of lead poisoning to this day… from old wall paint.

Google brought back many items to choose from, she chose the site for the VCU’s geology department, and after it popped up, she began to scroll through the pictures.  Four pictures later, there it was…CINNABAR!  Mined with Mercury.  She scrolled down to read its description, and what kind of poison it was, and there in black and white it stated:

“… can cause severe seizures, shaking, tremors, loss of time, loss of sense, and daily exposure can lead to death within 6 months…”

Oh my GOD!  It makes perfect sense!  She jumped up, scrambled around the corner again, and frantically searched for a tupper-ware container with a lid.  She finally found one after two fell from the cabinet and almost hit her, once bouncing freely off the counter and across the floor.  She grabbed the oven mit and picked up the rock, placed it in the container, and then shook off the mit so she could put the lid on.  She made sure it was sealed.  Then she stood back looking angrily at the container.  OH MY GOD!  Of all the stupid things.  6 months!  Oh my God!

Chris felt a huge weight lift off her shoulders, knowing deep down that “yes” this was the answer, she just knew it, and she looked up, closing her eyes, and said out loud,

“Oh Dear God, please let this be it.  Please, I beg of you, please let this be the answer.  I praise your Holy Name, and … thank you for telling Tommas what it was… he might not believe it talked, but I do.  I believe You told him…..  Thank you God!  Thank you!”

Three weeks later, they were called into the doctor’s office for the test results, something they had mistakenly not bothered to test for specifically.  Evidently, the two specialists they had went to had written him off as most likely Autistic, just never documented before, without bothering to tell her this was their real thoughts.  They hadn’t been able to determine if he was or not, because he hadn’t shown any other known markers, so they had decided not to commit one way or the other.  After the nurse explained this little bit of gossip, she had decided she wouldn’t be recommending either to any one she knew.

Dr. Fred came in the exam room like a turtle out of his shell a few seconds after they were seated; Tommas on the exam table, swinging his legs like a kid.  Ever since they had boxed up the Cinnabar, he hadn’t had one episode.  Both Tommas and Cindy were sure this had been his problem, but Cindy needed the reassurance of the doctors, to tell her it was over.  She needed to hear them say, “It’s over.”

He said,

“Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but there isn’t a trace of poison’s in his blood, that we could find.  We also went back to the original data from the samples we took back 5 months ago, and there was no sign of mercury poisoning or any other poisons.”

“What?”  Cindy asked, her heart sinking.

“No Way!” Tommas said in shock.  He had gotten his hopes up only to be stomped on.

“Yes, I’m sorry to say.  But you said you haven’t had any episodes for three weeks now?”

“Well, more like two, two and a half.”

“Well, that’s good news.  Right?”

“Yes of course, Doctor, but what are we gonna do now?  You’ve tested him for everything under the sun.”

“Yes, and that’s why I wanted you to come into today.  I think we really need to move forward on this, and have him see a friend of mine, a Dr. Jackson, he’s over in Weston, it’s only about a 3 hour drive…”

“Are you kidding me?”  Cindy had enough!  She was ready to kick this jerk in the shins.  “I will not take my son to some shrink, when his problem is NOT mental issues.  Look, you FORGOT to test for poisons, YOU seem to have decided he’s a mental case, so WHAT ELSE have you NOT bothered to test him for?”

“Now, now, settle down…”

“No, Fuck this!  Fuck that!  You’re the one who’s crazy, a fucking quack if you ask me!”  Tommas said angrily, hopping off the table and heading for the door.  “I’m NOT CRAZY!!”

“We’re done here,” Chris said through tight lips, “but he’s right, you’re the one who needs help, needs to go back to school and get a degree!”

They stormed out into the hallway, and found their way back to the waiting room, slamming the outer door after Tommas looked around the waiting room and said loudly,

“You all need to find a new doctor….he’s a fucking quack!”

Stepping out into the sunshine, they both looked at each other, and laughed out loud.  Relief pouring out; from taking all their frustrations out on the doctor.

They head for home, neither saying much along the way.  Cindy was a bit embarrassed by her actions, and was pretty glad she wouldn’t have to ever go back to him again.  She said a quick, “Forgive me Father,” for her actions in the doctor’s office.  But she couldn’t help but think they were wrong, and maybe a bit justified.  Then again, she had pinned her hopes on the stupid rock, thinking it would soon be all over.  Tommas seemed to be getting better, too.  Her heart began to sink, inch by inch as they drove home.  It had finally rested when it reached her uterus.  Snuggled warmly there, she sighed heavily and turned into their driveway.

A week later, after dinner, they talked while Tommas looked at university’s again.  He was telling her he had decided on a school, if she thought they could afford it, when he looked up and saw she was looking at him with a funny questioning look on her face.

“What?” he said.

“Huh?” she asked.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“I don’t know, like what?”

“Like your confused.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, honey, I was just thinking…praying in my head, that you’re gonna be ok now.  I haven’t been able to think about you having a future for months.  I know that sounds bad, but, I’m having a hard time believing your ok now.”

“I feel fine Mom.  Really.  I know it was the rock.  I just know it, no matter what that stupid doctor says.  My vision was so cool, so vivid, I could see everything so clear.”

“But what if it is something else.  Just waiting to strike again?”

“No, I’m sure of it.  You’re the one who wanted me to meditate Mom.  See if my own body could tell me what was going on.  In my mind, it did.  Very clearly.  I know what I saw and heard.”

“But its an enhanced reality honey.  It has to be interpreted.  What if we interpreted it wrong?”

“Oh well.  I’m going on with my life.  I feel great.  I’ve been meditating on my art, the human mind, and stuff like that, and I keep seeing things, things that I can’t explain, but they make sense.  Like the other day I had a vision of a great rock, I was circling it, trying to carve it, but it was really hard, like solid cobalt, a huge column in the desert.  I had been focusing on understanding God, like your God, the Christian one you believe in, and I was humming “show me” and this huge rock appeared.  I kept circling it, looking for the right spot, or something.  When all the sudden the rock shivered and cracked right in front of me.  A huge crack, that started low and slowly grew until it was more like an etching, slowing evolving in my vision.  It became the wing of a huge bird, feathers cracking into place.  I stepped back and to my left, and the rock now continued back into the mountain, it was no longer a column.  The entire back side was the rest of this huge Phoenix, with the original column now a bent wing.”

“Wow, that’s a cool vision.”

“So as I was having the vision, I kept hearing the rock crack, and grumble, like dried paint sounds when you step on it.  I thought I heard it cough and crackle words, like ‘rise’, and ‘I AM the rock’.  You know, how we do it to hide a bad word?”  To demonstrate further he coughed and said “fuck” at the same time.

Cindy smiled hugely at that, and said,

“Jesus says He is “the Rock” several times in the Bible.  The foundation of all things.  Sturdy and firm, you can rely on Him.”

“Oh cool.  See it makes perfect sense, even to you.  My visions are telling me things.  Its like, I can trust them… why would they lie?  Although I thought it meant that God was the rock, as in everything I carve, He’s a part of it.  Like my inspiration.”

“It could easily mean just that.  Oh, Tommas, you’re right.  I don’t know why I needed the doctors to make a diagnosis.  I should have just prayed for God to handle it, and let it go.  Trusted Him, ya know.  I guess I should meditate more often.  Find my own answers, like you are.  You’re so smart, sweety!  Sometimes you blow my mind.”

Tommas laughed, and when Cindy got up out of her recliner and plopped over the back of the couch Ninja style and landed next to him; they both laughed.  He turned the laptop towards her so she could see the school he wanted to attend: VCU, Virginia Commonwealth University, rated top in the country; and literally, right down the road.

the Battlefield in My Mind

Holy Words teach the spirit of love

Holy Love teaches the spirit of the words

Holy Spirit teaches the words of love

The words in my head that answer my questions sometimes clearly are me just yelling at me.  I can hear them just fine, which makes me wonder why they feel the need to yell.  Like a child fighting if they scream the loudest they think they win.  They tend to repeat themselves and go in circles absolutely nowhere.  And no matter what the situation, no matter what, a car cuts me off in traffic, someone cuts in the grocery line, they are out of my favorite brand of TP, its raining again so I still can’t go play, no matter what…. my thoughts’ first response is negative.  Well, most of the time, I must admit a lot of things make me laugh first, before jumping on the negative train.  And even some things make me instantly happy, which seems to be happening a lot more too.  I am warring against my negative side, having decided I AM SICK and TIRED of always going that direction.

Just yesterday, after getting an email from someone, my mind began wandering down that dark path IMMEDIATELY!  My brain was taking a scenario of say me… telling them off, and drifting on and on into more and more mean negative thoughts, line after line of conversation in my head, what they say, what I say; so that by the time I reached my microwave to nuke my coffee from only the distance from my couch, my brain was THRILLED that I had put them in their place.

Thrilled, I tell you, “take that, haha, take that” I said out loud in my kitchen alone.   HOW FKNG SAD is that?

I’m serious….how fkng sad is that?

I suppose its part of my ability to write stories, that I can imagine a whole event from a single sigh.  BUT WHY must it always be so negative?  My friend calls to cancel a meeting, “oh, it’s ok,” I say repeatedly, getting off the phone, and thinking FIRST…next time she wants me to do anything for her, I’ll be so busy!  MY FRIEND!!!  And I still go there FIRST?

I don’t know how NOT to listen to the voices in my head, maybe I’m schizophrenic, or multiple personality’s are hiding in there, but it really sickens me sometimes…when I catch myself.

I’ve been waging a mini war against thoughts, and delving deeper into myself to try to find out why …. but no great insights have come along.  The only answer I can find, is someone whispering to me saying, “Just Stop!”

I truly feel happy inside, and out, but as the worse example I can give you: while driving in my car the other day, singing my heart out with the song, “I am redeemed, you set me free, you fkng moron, so I’ll take off these heavy chains, wipe away all the stains, cause I’m not who I used to be, I am redeemed…..” because someone slammed on their brakes for no reason, and I almost rear ended the car in front of me.

In the middle of SINGING to YHVH, the dark pops in….RUINING my worship, from seemingly nowhere.

I don’t know how to stop it.  Its like the negative thoughts just pop up into my consciousness.

Anyone out there in the blogorama know how to stop them before they appear?  I would love an answer.

I am truly trying to walk with Yeshuah, and even if He had a few angry moments in His life, for the most part love came out of his mouth first.

So if you have any insight into this problem of mine, feel free to comment.  I would appreciate guidance from anyone…..

and my second thought for the day…..have a wonderful blessed day everyone.

Daily Prompt: Charitable

The lines outside her little, worn down house were getting smaller and smaller each day.  The local news teams had arrived the first morning, but all but one had left and never returned.  The only one still coming each day was a tiny cable channel reporter, who vowed to come each day until she was finished.  She had stated on national television that she would give only to the poor every single dime, other than the one million dollars she would use to set herself up for life.  He was documenting the story, to be aired at a later date.

He smiled at her grinning face, as she handed him a cup of coffee.  It was just Folgers coffee, with some hot chocolate mixed in, but he was beginning to look forward to it, and her crazy smile.  It rarely left her face, unless she was confused.  He had watched people screaming at her, while begging at the same time, yelling,

“Why can’t you give me more, I’m gonna lose my pickup!  Come ON!”  She would just smile and shake her head.

An hour goes by and another person gets angry, demanding,

“OH Please, are you kidding me, THIS is it, You cheap selfish bitch.”  She would look them in the eye and nicely say,

“And you have come how far to beg from me?  How sad must your life be?  I’ll add you to my prayers.”  Then she would just call the next person, smiling hugely at her next captive listener.  She didn’t care, she had won all the money, and she was used to being poor, so the money didn’t matter one bit to her, and she didn’t care if you liked her or not, or liked the amount of money she was giving to you for free.

It continually amazed me how many people would wait in line, outside her house, all day long, into the night, and would freak out screaming at her because she didn’t give them as much money as they thought they deserved!  God forbid, she didn’t give them enough to pay their rent for a year, like they assumed she would.  People are assholes.  I have come to this conclusion in a matter of seconds, and am wondering how I am gonna portray this in my film.  Repetition, showing one after another in a high-speed run.  Which meant some serious editing time, pulling them out of the hours and hours of film I’ve taken.

It reminds him of a man he saw once in town; a blind man on the street with a cup and a sign, and dark glasses, screaming at someone for only putting a dollar bill in his cup, demanding they give him more because he’s obviously blind.

Human’s are douche-nozzles.  That may be my title.

It was strange to watch her though, she could tell a liar from a hundred feet.  They would get a shiny new $10.00 bill for showing up.  The ones who were really poor, really sincere, would be humble and sometimes even crying, as they told her their reason for coming.  That was the rule.  You had to tell her why you were here.  You had to be willing to talk to her for a few minutes, or you had wasted your trip.

She was great though.  She had a message about God she was giving to each one, whether they wanted to hear it or not.  He had counted over 300 people the first day, that she had time to talk to, but that appeared to wear her out, so the following days were slower, only about 200 going through the line.  She had booted several who tried to hit the line twice, it was a bit freaky but she always knew instantly, and made them leave.  The police had provided Randy, to monitor the people and keep things under control, and to guard her while she gave away thousands of dollars in cash out of her livingroom.  The police chief had tried to talk her out of it, knowing it would cause riots, but after the first day he let the other officers go because people realized if they were patient, they came out smiling hugely.  They lined up like soldiers with only a few exceptions of drunks or druggies causing problems.

This morning though, after she handed my coffee to me, she said,

“This is beginning to bore me.  I’ve got a plan to hit Seattle tonight, some of the poorer areas, sceeeery areas if you get my drift, and give to the ones who can’t come here.  Wanna come along?”

“Is Randy coming?”  He grinned at her, tilting his head to one side.

She laughed and turned to ask him,

“Randy?”  He walked over from his car, and she handed him his coffee.  He took a long sip, smiling at her with eyebrows raised.

“Wanna go with us into Seattle tonight, hit some poor areas….make it rain?”

“Uh, no, I can’t sweety, sorry, but my sons got a game.  I could make some calls this morning though, find someone who would.”

“Awesome!  I’ll bet your son makes 2 home runs tonight, ’cause you’re such a good person.”

“Awww, Ruby, you’re the good person.  I can’t believe what you’re putting up with to do this.”

“Well, I just don’t trust those huge corporations who claim to help the poor.  This way, I know myself.”  She smiled as she leaned down to pluck her beautiful red and coral Tulips in full bloom.  Three went inside today, but you wouldn’t have guessed it form the mass in her front garden.  She turned back as she left and added,

“Thank you Randy, bring your cup in when you’re ready!”  She walked over to the first person in line, and invited them in.

Randy held up the coffee cup and answered back,

“Thanks Ruby.”

I followed her to the front steps of her deck, turning on the camera stationed so it could watch the people coming in.  I pressed the button to test the remote, watching the camera move left and right and said,

“I’m in.  Whether a cop goes with us or not, I wouldn’t miss it.”  I smiled and winked as I sipped at the coffee and she turned to the first person and said,

“Come this way, and what is your name?”  They walked inside her house directly into the little livingroom, and Ruby said,

“Sit here,” then placed the tulips in the vase on her table, and grabbed her own cup of coffee from the kitchen counter and returned to sit down at the other end of her couch for the tiny interview.

“Why are you here?” Ruby would ask.  She would say the same thing almost verbatim with each person.  I had figured our early on what she was doing, and moved the cameras outside.  I had the one camera on the line going in, and would wait outside for the reaction shots with my other camera set up about 10 feet from her deck, for a nice exit perspective.  I also had a small video camera lying on the table in case yelling started inside the house, but it seemed like most of the angry people wanted an audience and would wait until they were on her deck to start being jerks.  Which was perfect for me.  Bunch of drama queens.  Thinking they’ll be on TV someday and be famous.  I used remotes for both camera’s only taking shots when I thought it was interesting.

“I lost my apartment, my boyfriend kicked me out after beating my head against a wall…..” would be one example of an answer.  Another would be “My boss fired me for being late, just once, mind you…..” and on and on and on.  So I liked waiting outside and watching the people before they went in, and then after when they came out as themselves.  I liked those shots.  Especially liked how they would mesh up together on the final movie.  It was like, it didn’t occur to them what I was actually documenting.  They thought for some reason begging in a movie would somehow better their life.  I had heard someone say the words “street cred” and had to text my boss, I could not believe how this could possibly give someone street cred, that they had been on TV, for what?  For Begging!  It blew my mind.

There were things that had been shown to me about humanity that made me think, we are very screwed up.  Each time I had an epiphany I would text Tammy at work and she would save them in a file for me.  I hoped to use them in the documentary, thinking maybe I could make a difference.  Showing humanity how it really is.  But then I would think, but these people are really poor.  Can we only help the nice poor people, or are we supposed to help all the poor.

Ruby would listen for a few minutes at most and depending on their reason, she would ask one of two questions, the same questions she asked each person.

Question number 1. “Do you believe in God, the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit?”

If the persons reason had included some type of answer that showed they already believed in God, and the Trinity, she would ask,

Question number 2. “Do you Hunger for the Lord?”

Most people at this point would pause, confused at what she just said, and I would guess about 90% said “No.”  I was only inside the house for the first 8 hours she did this, but she stumped almost every single person.

Depending on their answers once again, she had two separate replies she used for each.  To the first question, if the person said, “No.” she asked, “Why not?”  It didn’t really matter at this point what they said in response, when they were done making excuses, she would simply say,

“In scripture Jesus said, I am the Way, the Truth and the Life; no man can come to the Father, but through me.  Because to every purpose there is time and judgement, therefore the misery of man is great upon you.  When you sin through ignorance, if you make atonement, you will be forgiven.  So, NOW you know the truth, Jesus is the Way, if you want eternal life, follow Him.  Hunger for Him.  Look for Him.

For now, you are no longer ignorant.”

If the person acknowledged they knew who God was, or used to go to church, or had some kind of teaching in their life, she would say,

“Woe to you who turn away from God.  He asks that not only you love Him, but follow His commandments, but also that you spend your life trying to help others find their way to Him.  When you leave here today, think of one thing you can do to bring one other person to the Lord, and from this day on, find one person you can help each day, if not more.  Their soul is at stake, along with yours.  If you turn back to God, He will bless you just like He has me.  Each time you go to tell someone about today, remember your own soul.  Do you think this life is really all there is?  Do you know how long eternity is?  This life could be over in half an hour.  Find your way back to God.  He is your only answer.”

Then she would give them the money they asked for, and walk them back outside.

Most people weren’t too greedy, asking for rent money, or food money, or car payments and such.  But a few people received checks, for thousands of dollars, because Ruby truly believed their stories and wanted to make their dreams come true.  One was a young girl with a baby on her hip, who only started crying when she mentioned her Mom, who was in a care facility dying of AIDS.  She was about to be evicted, had even brought the tear-stained notice with her, crumpled in her pocket, and had no one to turn to.  So Ruby gave her $5000 to find a place to live.

Another was a young man who had enrolled at Seattle University, but after the first two years, he realized he couldn’t afford to keep going, even with the grants he was getting and the two scholarships he had received.  So she made the check out to the University, and paid for his next two years.  He was a pretty cool kid, not too flashy with his hip hop clothes, but clean enough to make her believe his story.  Plus, if he wasn’t still enrolled the check donated in his name would come back to her un-cashed.  Even she wouldn’t just hand over $40,000 to anyone with a good story.  She was too smart for that.

What was so great about the kid, was he had only asked for a couple thousand to tide him over, so he could finish the semester out, and he damn near fainted when she handed him the check.  Then he began dancing for the camera with Ruby, on the front deck, laughing, and hugging her and crying and not one bit ashamed of it.  Then for the first time the line cheered for him and clapped.

I think this will be my final scene!



(scripture pulled from John 14:6; Ecclesiastes 8:6; and Numbers 15:28)


He pokes me in the chest like an errant boy

waking me from my routine of reality

His whispers I have ignored too long

calling to me from dreams and wake

I continue to back up and step aside

confrontation I flee from as fire

preferring blinders to knowing when

trying to avoid what I already know

He demands I pay attention this time

I feel my heart pounding in fear

my understanding falls short by miles

I have so many questions such confusion

not enough answers too many views

which shall I follow which shall I choose

but soon He whispers on this Sabbath

on this eve fast and you will see

I will in hopes He will reveal to me

answers I have begged for and plead

so before sunset I ready my home

no work whatsoever on His Holy Day

not even two words to be written

prepare to worship the only work to be done

I’ve heard it before He’s repeated it again

Honor His Sabbath with rest and Blessed wine

Remember why His Sabbath was divined

WHY I believe in the Holy Trinity; Father, Son, and Holy Spirit (and also why I believe Messianic Jews are correct, and why I believe traditional Jews have missed the boat…lol…pun intended. Please, no one take offense here, this is only MY beliefs!)

This is why I believe in the HOLY TRINITY….

Gen 1:26  “And (Elohim) said. Let us make man in our image, after our likeness”  NOTE the plurality…LET US….

Gen 1:1  “The Holy One, Blessed be He, said to those, you want to know My name?  I am called according to my ACTIONS.  When I judge the creatures I am Elohim, and when I have Mercy with My World, I am named YHVH.”

Gen 2   ” YHVH breathed into Adam’s nostrils the breath of life.”

Isaiah 48:16  “Come near unto me. hear this: I have not spoken in secret from the beginning:

from the time that it was, there am I: and now the Lord GOD, and his Spirit, hath sent me.

THUS revealing to the Jews they ARE A TRINITY!   …. (To those with eyes to see….  my bad! lol)

This is why I believe the MESSIANIC JEWS are correct in their understanding of the Trinity, and also why I believe traditional Jews do not believe in Yeshuah being the Chrism, or Messiah, or Anointed, and why I think they are wrong….

Now in Psalms, in the Torah, the first 2 Psalms do NOT say in the first line: a song of David.  In the first two Psalms, we have no idea WHO is talking or writing the Psalms: also in Psalms 10…. but for the most part, ALL the rest of the Psalms are attributed to “Of David” or “Of Korah”.  IN ALL Psalms “Of David” it is clearly stated in the first line…this is OF David….just like ANY WRITER he is denoting his authorship.  The same goes for Korah.  Yet in the FIRST TWO Psalms, NO ONE is noted.   THEREFORE….LOGICALLY we do NOT know WHO the following scripture refers to…or is written about!

In the 2nd Psalm we find the scripture:

2:7  “I will tell of the decree; The Lord said to me, “You are My son; this day have I begotten you.”

IF this was referring to David himself….why would he say OF THE DECREE….unless he was talking about someone else.  IF HE WERE talking about himself…he would of just said “I WILL TELL YOU, THE LORD SAID TO ME…..”  THUS WE DO NOT KNOW who is speaking in this Psalm.  WE CANNOT ASSUME DAVID was THE BEGOTTEN SON!

THIS is where I believe the Jewish people are misled, in NOT BELIEVING IN YESHUA as THE MESSIAH.  But, that is only MY BELIEF!

ANYWAY…getting back to my original theory…Yeshuah also states IN THE GOSPEL OF THOMAS, in the Nag Hammadi texts:  “Jesus said, where there are three Gods, they are Gods.  Where there are two or one, I am with Him.”

To me this simply means, when Yeshua, Jesus, is with Him, He makes it three in total!  Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.


and REMEMBER…..JESUS LOVED MARY BEST!!!!  She of all the Apostles UNDERSTOOD:

Chapter 4  (Pages 1 to 6 of the manuscript, containing chapters 1 – 3, are lost.  The extant text starts on page 7…)

. . . Will matter then be destroyed or not?

22) The Savior said, All nature, all formations, all creatures exist in and with one another, and they will be resolved again into their own roots.

23) For the nature of matter is resolved into the roots of its own nature alone.

24) He who has ears to hear, let him hear.

25) Peter said to him, Since you have explained everything to us, tell us this also: What is the sin of the world?

26) The Savior said There is no sin, but it is you who make sin when you do the things that are like the nature of adultery, which is called sin.

27) That is why the Good came into your midst, to the essence of every nature in order to restore it to its root.

28) Then He continued and said, That is why you become sick and die, for you are deprived of the one who can heal you.

29) He who has a mind to understand, let him understand.

30) Matter gave birth to a passion that has no equal, which proceeded from something contrary to nature. Then there arises a disturbance in its whole body.

31) That is why I said to you, Be of good courage, and if you are discouraged be encouraged in the presence of the different forms of nature.

32) He who has ears to hear, let him hear.

33) When the Blessed One had said this, He greeted them all,saying, Peace be with you. Receive my peace unto yourselves.

34) Beware that no one lead you astray saying Lo here or lo there! For the Son of Man is within you.

35) Follow after Him!

36) Those who seek Him will find Him…..

ISN’T that just AMAZING!  He is WITHIN us, we are WITHIN Him, IF WE CHOOSE TO BE!!!

The Father, THE SON, and the Holy Spirit!   Why is it such a leap to hope we are HIS SONS!!! (and daughters)????

BUT MY FAVORITE OF ALL IS: “”The Sophia (Wisdom) of Jesus Christ”” also from the Nag Hammadi texts.

It is SO DEEP and amazing, I cannot BEGIN to pass on this WISDOM…but please go read it for yourself, here is a website I refer to and use in my own personal beliefs:

Enjoy, it is a phenomenal EYE OPENER!!!

A discussion with Doc

The following scriptures are what lead me to believe that the Holy Spirit, the Ruach HaKodesh, IS the SOUL OF GOD, YHVH!!!

I know it’s not commonly spoken of in this way, so I listed off a few of my favorite scriptures for you to read, and take in yourself, so that YOU can make up your own mind……

Paul supposedly wrote Ephesians, Corinthians and Romans, possibly using a scribe since he was in chains…lol

Luke supposedly wrote Acts, and Matthew, the tax collector, supposedly wrote Matthew (although personally I cannot name one accountant I know who is also a writer…hehehe):

Eph. 4:4-6, “There is one body and one Spirit, just as also you were called in one hope of your calling;  one Lord, one faith, one baptism,  one God and Father of all who is over all and through all and in all.”

2 Cor. 3:16-18, “but whenever a man turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away.  Now the Lord is the Spirit; and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty.  But we all, with unveiled face beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit.”

Rom. 8:9, “However, you are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God dwells in you. But if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Him.”

NOTE in the one above, the SPIRIT OF CHRIST is written, so … IF YESHUA, or Jesus, IS GOD ALSO, IN THE TRINITY, HIS SPIRIT MUST ALSO BE the same as GODS!

Matt. 10:20, “For it is not you who speak, but it is the Spirit of your Father who speaks in you.”

Rom. 8:11, “But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who indwells you.”

1 Cor. 2:11, “For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the spirit of the man, which is in him? Even so the thoughts of God no one knows except the Spirit of God.”

Acts 5:32, “And we are witnesses of these things; and so is the Holy Spirit, whom God has given to those who obey Him.”


Matt. 12:32, “And whoever shall speak a word against the Son of Man, it shall be forgiven him; but whoever shall speak against the Holy Spirit, it shall not be forgiven him, either in this age, or in the age to come.”


Why do you suppose IT WAS UNFORGIVABLE to speak a word against the Holy Spirit???   I BELIEVE it was because IT WAS THE EPITOME of HOLINESS, and yes, GOD’s OWN SOUL!  It is repeatedly said, GOD’s SPIRIT can dwell in us!!!


It just makes sense to me, COMMON sense, which I have a boatload!  Not much brain, just a lot of common sense.  lolololol at least I think I do!  So there you go, Doc, tell me what you think….grasshopper???  lol

YHVH’s Soul

when I think of the Holy Spirit

being YHVH’s own incredible soul

the breath of life flowing through us

whispering pure love His only role

we can hear this ancient breath

as it calls to us each tiny moment

if we ignore the sounds of poison

pouring out around us in discontent

I love the idea that the wicked shudder

each time my feet hit the floor

as the Holy Spirit teaches me

each time I open the wrong door

His love blooms like flowers in the spring

His voice nags at my willful heart

His song sings to me incessantly

His pureness and light the only part

He speaks to me of righteousness

my heart hears the beauty of His story

imagine every single soul blooming at once

changing our world into daily Glory

my calling

From Deuteronomy 15-24

Today my heart breaks just a bit

as I read through the scriptures Moses said,

do not create any graven image,

be it made of wood or stone, of any tree

or beast or bird, the moon or sunrise across the world,

“of the likeness of any thing…

lest thou be led to worship

or serve them…

for YHVH hath forbidden thee, and He is

a consuming fire, even a jealous God.”

Because as an artist I create:

drawings, photographs and stained glass

meant to be looked at and seen

gazed through on a sunny day

to be light and bring joy in a dark world.

I’ve been walking with YHVH a few years now

taking one day at a time, discovering His Truth

trying to live my life For Him.

Wondering why for years my desire to write

has once again risen up in me taking over,

to be an author for Him, praying He gives me the words,

each day I try to compose something beautiful for Him

to hopefully touch one person, bringing them to Him.

So as I write this down, my heart aches deeply,

at the thought of leaving my art behind.

Is this Your Will, YHVH, Your desire for my life,

shall I walk away from making any graven images

again in my life, to possibly save a soul?

Is it worth my own, to express my art,

is it worth someone losing their’s while gazing at my art?

Could I be ending your life, by creating a piece of art

for you to gaze at on a cold winters day?

My confusion pours down like the rain washing

my windows, ripples of sadness unfold.

I knew of these scriptures, yet told myself repeatedly

it only applies to idols that you worship.

Look at my gravatar, of an unfinished piece with

Yeshuah on the cross.  I DO worship Yeshuah.

But my soul whispers, NO IDOLS AT ALL.

I recently prayed for YHVH to send me a

new camera, so I could take pictures of His Majesty.

Within a week or so, a friend sent me a new camera.

Shall I continue to take photo’s, and just pray no one ever

looks at them in a worshipful way?

My pictures aren’t that great, I know, but still,

it’s a possibility,

someone may pray while gazing at one,

being inspired yet praying NOT to YHVH.

I love to write, for YHVH alone,

but for myself I must admit,

it spills from me in unspoken need

an unending urge, I must write to be complete.

Have I just discovered my true calling from Him?

Maybe I shouldn’t waste my time

trying to make a living by creating art,

but by creating the ONLY art YHVH wants to see.

Oh but it saddens me, deeply my friends,

to discover this Will of His Way.

I reach out again to the Holy Spirit,

to guide me on this path… and pray.

the Holiest of Spirits

do You hear me when I think in my head

or only when I speak out loud

is my heart whispering to You

or is that You calling me out

how do I converse with You

when I only hear myself speaking

do I use my soul to sing to You

or are You the Holy Praises singing

for me in my place You stand tall

freeing me of my fear and doubtful ways

are You YHVH’s little bit of soul in me

the one bit who continually prays

I know You are the Holiest of Spirits

inside me the Ruach HaKodesh

speak to me in the words and love

of YHVH’s Almighty Holiness

resonate like a wave

each time you speak

you affect…you move, you perturb, you stir

each time you hate

you infect…you corrupt, you poison, you influence

each time you love

you effect…you achieve, you bring about, you evoke

a chain reaction of change

you transform

you transform others

in a wave of inspiration

we are all waves

vibrations throughout the universe

Pulsate, quiver, reverberate…


In a Second

they say… someday soon

this may all be gone

just one crazy person

could send us all home

in a blink of an eye

a push of a button

survivors living in dust

a desert all the sudden


they say… are you ready

at this exact moment

without a single prayer

or one begging lament

to face the Holy One

who created the mountains

who’s loved you long enough

who’s done forgiving your sins


they say… He’ll be merciful

but He will judge you fair

I too can’t imagine it all gone

surely He will still care

today is all we ever have

look at the beautiful view

you may go home in a second

you may not in two

not alone

          gazing up creek
     no paddle in sight
a walk not alone
in the morning light
     reflecting leaves
          shimmering cascade
     eyes watching closely
fish hiding in the shade

                    breeze calling softly 

among butterflies and bees

             ants      marching      the      bark

a last stand holds the trees

     spatter of the water
          dancing on the rocks
     tickling the shore
a chipmunk mocks

The Torah and the Bible may not be a complete history; but they are HIS story—Yahweh’s story, The ONLY ALMIGHTY GOD’s story!

The Hebrew alphabet was written down in 10th century B.C. (1000 years before Christ came) ….The first written Bible was in the 1300’s.


according to:  William M. Schniedewind…..

By the time of the fall of Babylon in 539 B.C., and the return of the Jewish exiles to Palestine, the core of the Hebrew Bible was completed. The very language of Scripture changed as society became more textualized. Most tellingly, the Hebrew word Torah, which originally meant “teaching, instruction,” increasingly began to refer to a written text, “the Torah of Moses,” (also known as the Pentateuch) in the Second Temple period (530 B.C.–A.D. 130).  The tension between the authority of the oral tradition and the written word, the teacher and the text, continued in the Second Temple period among the various Jewish groups. The priestly aristocracy controlled the temple library and the sacred texts. They were literate elites whose authority was threatened by the oral tradition.  Both early Christianity and Rabbinic Judaism, which grew out of the lay classes, struggled with the tension between the sacred text and the authority of the oral tradition in the aftermath of the destruction of the Temple in A.D. 70. Although they acknowledged the authority of the written Scriptures, they also asserted the authority of the living voice of the teacher.

Christianity, however, quickly adopted the codex—the precursor of the modern book. Codices, with bound leaves of pages, appeared in the first century A.D. and became common by the fourth century. The codex could encompass a much more extensive series of texts than a single scroll could contain. In bringing together a collection of scrolls, the codex also defined a set and order of books and made possible a more defined canon. It was with the technological invention of the codex that the “Bible” as a book, that is, the Bible as we know it, first got its physical form.

according to:  William Dever…

The Merneptah Stele, dated to about 1206 B.C.E. and now housed at the Cairo Museum, offers the earliest historical evidence of a people called Israel.  So the Egyptians, a little before 1200 B.C.E., know of a group of people somewhere in the central highlands—a loosely affiliated tribal confederation, if you will—called “Israelites.” These are our Israelites. So this is a priceless inscription.

Some have argued that early Israel was an egalitarian society, that there was no social stratification. I’m not sure any society was ever really egalitarian, but there is a sort of egalitarianism in the Hebrew Bible: “Every man under his own fig tree, equal in the eyes of Yahweh.” It’s interesting that in these hundreds of 12th-century settlements there are no temples, no palaces, no elite residences, no monumental architecture of any kind. These are farming villages in which every household is independent. I think there is a kind of primitive democracy in early Israel, which is enshrined in the vision of the good life in the Hebrew Bible.  These settlements are very different from the urban centers of the earlier 13th century. Something new is in the air, and I think this explains why other people join this movement. These villages will develop into the towns and the cities of the later state of Israel.

According to the biblical scheme of events, there was a United Monarchy for about a hundred years in the reigns of Saul, David, and Solomon. Then a civil war brought about the division of the country into Israel, the northern kingdom, and Judah, the southern kingdom.  In 1993 an inscription was found at Tel Dan dating back to 840 B. C. E. . It mentions a dynasty of David. And on the Mesha stone found in the last century in Moab there is also a probable reference to David. So there is textual evidence outside the Bible for these kings of the United Monarchy, at least David.

according to:  Melissa Salpietra…

The Bible describes King Solomon’s construction of massive gates in Jerusalem, Hazor, Megiddo, and Gezer. Archeologists have uncovered the ruins of structures fitting these descriptions.


In 1947 in the Qumran caves the 7 Dead Sea Scrolls were discovered.  Written on the scrolls are all but one of the 39 books of the Hebrew Bible.  dating back to the 3rd and 2nd centuries B.C., they are the oldest copies of the bible as we know it in existence.  Arceology has proven the stories and prayers were part of Israelite history long before they were written, the culmination of a long line of oral and written history of a defined people.  2 to 300 years before Christ was born; up to 68 years A.D.

If you ever get the chance, read through the Isaiah Scroll!


according to:  Dr. Laurence M. Vance

began in 1604; finished in 1611

47 men participated; of these they had a multitude of sources from which to draw from: “Neither did we think much to consult the Translators or Commentators, Chaldee, Hebrew, Syrian, Greek, or Latin, no nor the Spanish, French, Italian, or Dutch.”

(this seems almost criminal to me; no consulting with translators of Hebrew or Greek or even Semarian???)

The translators were organized into six groups, and met respectively at Westminster, Cambridge, and Oxford. Ten at Westminster were assigned Genesis through 2 Kings; seven had Romans through Jude. At Cambridge, eight worked on 1 Chronicles through Ecclesiastes, while seven others handled the Apocrypha.  Oxford employed seven to translate Isaiah through Malachi; eight occupied themselves with the Gospels, Acts, and Revelation.


In  addition to the written scriptures we have an “Oral Torah,” a tradition  explaining what the above scriptures mean and how to interpret them and apply  the Laws. Orthodox Jews believe G-d taught the Oral  Torah to Moses, and he taught it to others, down  to the present day. This tradition was maintained only in oral form until about  the 2nd century C.E., when the oral law was compiled  and written down in a document called the Mishnah.

Over the next few centuries, additional commentaries elaborating on the Mishnah  were written down in Jerusalem and Babylon. These additional commentaries are  known as the Gemara. The Gemara and the Mishnah together are known as the  Talmud. This was completed in the 5th century C.E. (common Christian Era, most of the Jewish people do not believe Christ is their Lord, so there is no A.D. anno domino or year of our Lord, although today there are Messianic Jews who do believe Yahshua was YHVH’s son).

The oldest Torah in the world is only 700 years old.


dated to over 1600 years old, written in the 4th century, they are the oldest written texts we have, not counting the Egyptian and Myan inscriptions on stone.

Containing over 50 separate texts, ie., the Apocalypse of Adam, Paul, Peter, James, and the Apocryphon of John and James.  The Gospels of Truth, Phillip, Thomas!  AND My FAVORITE…the SOPHIA (or WISDOM) of JESUS CHRIST!!!

I think no matter what beliefs you have, you owe it to yourself to read through some of these!

AND THEN….stop yourself and ASK yourself: Why were they hidden in the first place?  Why were so many books left out of the modern-day Bible?  ie, the Gospels of Mary, Thomas and Enoch?

AND BEFORE you come up with an answer, go and read them!  Go and SEE FOR YOURSELF!

THEY ARE THE OLDEST texts we have concerning YHVH, (GOD),  Yahshua, (YHVH’s Son)  and the HOLY SPIRIT,

and it will ENLIGHTEN your Soul and Mind!

Being Blossoms

pink pedals on a tiny tricycle
balls and bats strewn about
13 new puppies to find homes for

blossoms in the spring

surprised smile at your first kiss
hands accidentally touch then hold
lambs bounding across a hillside

blossom with innocence

bloom with an unadorned smile
be nearby for the loneliest eyes 
dancing with the flowers on the wall

blossom like sparkling champagne

bowing your head in awareness
realizing the humblest truths
forgiving because it's so simple

blossom with the glow of your beliefs

wear your heart on your sleeve
show the world there's no reason to hide
let your love pour out like Old Faithful

blossoming is teaching with the petals of your soul

Look Deeper

it is not found in the forest

beneath the ancient green layers

it’s not swaying in the ocean

like a million tiny jelly-fish

it’s not soaring through a red sky

at sunset on a black sanded beach


its calling to you relentlessly

like the birds when they first wake up

its waiting for you to ask one question

like a concerned owl for your lost soul

it’s adoring you from the distance

of an eastern star to a western bound meteor


yet you turn away towards meaningless ideas

like a colony of ants forging across the sea

yet you learn all about your physical self

like a cat lying in the sun licking his fur

yet after 4000 years your awareness of Truth

equals the amount a monkey sees in a mirror



Gospel of Thomas, Nag Hammadi Library

(3) Jesus said, “If those who lead you say to you, ‘See, the kingdom is in the sky,’ then the birds of the sky will precede you.

If they say to you, ‘It is in the sea,’ then the fish will precede you.

Rather, the kingdom is inside of you, and it is outside of you.

When you come to know yourselves, then you will become known, and you will realize that it is you who are the sons of the living father.

But if you will not know yourselves, you dwell in poverty and it is you who are that poverty.”

Sacred Whisper

A whisper said, “I AM” one night

the language an ancient Holy Flow

a swirl of hand formed a galaxy

a kiss of breath the beginning and end

He inhaled dark matter

and exhaled light

Author of creation

Above All

speaking us into being

with just a Sacred Whisper



YHVH  or Yod Hay Vav Hay

To pronounce it in English, the “hay” is actually a breath.

HE was the breath.

So you don’t pronounce the 4 syllables, you add the Yod sound and a forced breath together,

same with the Va.

It literally means, I Exist!  or I Am.

The two syllables sound like Yhaa Vhey, but they sound to me like a sacred whisper.

I had the best day today….

that I have had in a long time.   And I owe it all to YHVH! 

If you ever think He won’t answer your questions or help you if you need it, please read my blog.

He is working in me daily, guiding me, teaching me, and rewarding me each and EVERY step of the way.  My life is a slow motion reel about how YHVH can actually give you the life you dream of.    HE IS… I am living proof.  It seems like almost every time over the last 10 years that I have asked Him for something, really humbly asked, He has given it to me with in days!

What’s interesting to me, is how He always waits until the last moment, to change things.  Why is that?  Is it so we will be calling out to Him NON stop until the very last second of our drowning???  lol    It makes me think He is….because that is how it always happens with me.  Of course, I’ve been drowning for a very long time! ha!.

About 10 years ago, I was about to be homeless, and a nice man LOANED me his R.V. camper, so my son and I would have somewhere to live.  He didn’t hardly even know me.  Then when he needed it back, I was about to be homeless again, and in a two-week timeframe, I managed to buy a home.  Just one example of so many miracles Yeshuah has given me, I could list them out all day, and may have to put them together in a novel some day soon.

But today, was incredible.  He made 3 different things happen, that may have just changed my future for the better.  Not only relieving HUGE amounts of stress from my shoulders, but 3 individual things, with three different companies, and OMG!!!!!!! Thank you YHVH!

He has just given me the first step into a life I love.


And if not, please consider YHVH!  God!  Yashuah!  What ever you need … HE WILL GIVE YOU!!!


Thou Shalt Not Take YHVH’s Name In Vain!

I don’t know about you…..

but I get REALLY tired of people trying to CORRECT me when I use swear words in my speech and writing.


READ the Scripture in Hebrew, if you are truly concerned for my soul or YOURS.  BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY YOU HAVEN’T!!!


To take YHVH’s Name in Vain, does NOT mean you are sinning when you say,

“dammit!”  or “Fuck You!” or even “Shit!”  Although He does say, you will be responsible for every Word you utter.


Although I think it IS sinful when you say “God dammit!”, because you are basically yelling at God or blaming Him in some way, and also you are bringing what you refer to Him as His name to FALSE WORDS, nothing, empty, void, useless words: VAIN words.

Not TAKING YHVH’S NAME IN VAIN, according to scripture basically means to ALWAYS CALL HIM BY HIS RIGHTFUL NAME….which is YHVH! and SHOW REVERENCE!  The Hebrew language and the Jewish people do not even say His name out loud, as it is SO SACRED!

His Name is written in the scriptures over 6,800 times as YHVH!

When Moses asked ‘God’ His name, He said, “I AM WHO I AM!”  This was translated by Moses into 4 letters, Yod, Hey, Vav, Hey, or YHVH.   He also said, paraphrased, “When I judge I am Elohim, when I am merciful I am YHVH.”  Elohim being Creator of the Universe.

NOT God, or the Lord, or even Almighty God!  These WERE SUBSTITUTED in the King James Version of the Bible!  WHY would they do that, when YHVH’S 3rd COMMANDMENT is to NEVER TAKE HIS NAME IN VAIN?

IT IS ALMIGHTY YHVH!  Heavenly YHVH!  Son of YHVH, Yahshua!  I think even today, we should be honoring HIS ALMIGHTY WISHES, and ONLY referring to HIM and His Son in this manner.


Never take HIS name FALSELY, by saying “God told me this!” when he clearly DID NOT!  This is the epitome of taking His name in vain.

Even if you use the word, God, you are STILL referring to YHVH, and telling a LIE!  THIS IS commandment number 3 folks!!!  in the top 3!!!

I do write a lot of FICTION stories and poems that depict YHVH speaking to me, or the Holy Spirit, but that is why it is called FICTION!  It is telling a story that is MADE UP!  It is for teaching, and is similar to a parable, lol, in my mind anyway.

HE does not give Himself nicknames!  HE tells us repeatedly HIS NAME IS YHVH!  Although over the years the actual pronunciation has been lost due to different language translations, this is about as close as we get!

THUS starting today, and forever more, I will personally try to NEVER again use any other word to describe YHVH, or Yahshua, other than their rightful names.  This will be HARD for me, as I am so used to substituting the words God, and Father, and Lord, and Jesus….

but in MY WALK with YHVH, EVERY DAY I am learning to walk WITH HIM,

not behind Him, or running to catch up to Him.


And I think this is VERY IMPORTANT to every person on the planet to understand this, I KNOW in my heart it’s important for me.

the Truth

a wee duck told her one day
as she sat near a river blue
"Words are mightier than the sword
soon you will be given the truth."

she waited in the beauty for hours
no inspiration came to her mind
getting cold and soon shivering
she left the Glory behind

days went by, she hoped and prayed
but nothing came from her fingertips
then one day she felt a warm breath
lean down and lightly kiss her lips

her world changed from grey to green
the sky melted into orange and red
her heart pounded drums of Djembe
even though He still wept and bled

paused in awe, excitement to burst
colors, scents and sights now flew
she had every cast and tone she'd need
yet none enveloped in a belt of true

she knew the Way, she'd seen the Light
she knew not to carve images above
yet no words were given to her
no thoughts of His Almighty Love

sitting with her pen poised over paper
looking out at pure clouds of white
a face slowly appeared floating by
with sun beams encircling His Light

smiling at the loving look portrayed
she wished she had her camera ready
an unthought thought tickled her mind
"Hear, my little girl," Said He

"Write it out however you dream it up
'I Am the Truth, the Light and the Way
My Blood and Breathe have saved you all!'
that is all you should need to say."