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SQUIRREL…

1

“squirrel”

looking at me

looking at him

do you have any seeds

sorry lil dude, no food

do you have any seeds

you’re so cute

do you have any seeds

why the nervous twitch

do you have any seeds

what are you thinking

do you have any seeds

do you have fun running up the trees

do you have any seeds….

 

lol – I hope you all got this… Smile

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Wanderlust of a Doodad

Reposting for a friend’s amusement!

 

Wanderlust of a Doodad

9-28-12

 

He hated being next to the cheese grater,

it scratched up the beautiful Saturn ring he wore,

so in anger one day he sliced cracks along his sides,

and rolled himself to the other side of the drawer.

The wine opener jumped back having a stroke,

and accidentally poked a hole in the spoon,

who whined terribly day and night,

with a dribble, she knew she was ruined.

The cheese grater scratched at his gashes,

he was no longer greater than a knife,

now he had huge tainted clefts,

how would he be able to find a wife?

The garlic press pulled out his camera,

pointed it at the grater and said, “say cheese.”

then posted it on eHarmony and YouTube,

searching for a lady the grater would please.

The dinner knives took a closer look,

along with a butcher knife and hatchet,

all agreed the grater looked sketchy now,

and said, “cruise the auto drawer for a ratchet.”

But the grater didn’t give up on love,

he widened his space in the crowded drawer,

scratching the shiny ice cream scoop, too,

knocking the chopsticks onto the floor.

The ice cream scooper stared coldly,

dragging over others as he moved in a crawl,

exciting the now happy cork screw,

with the hardness of his ball.

Sounding like a throbbing number,

the chopsticks were beating themselves midday,

just as a scraping noise was heard,

clearly, up a few drawers, that day.

Slowly but surely with a scrape, scrape, scrape, pull,

a voluptuous figure was heading their way,

buxom and black with a shiny new head,

snatching at the wood, she made her way.

She reached the drawer and stood up proud,

showing off her curved grippy handle,

while the strainer flipped upside down,

and the matches lit a birthday candle.

She was made for the big square grater,

even the pizza slicer did a wheeler,

the grater fell in love instantly on sight,

with the curvascious carrot peeler.

Bain of my Blog hahaha

Love me some spam.  The comments they attempt to make generic yet meaningful just crack me up.

I will try to update these periodically, just to make you smile.

This is the latest:

From: penis extender.com.

It said something like this:

“this is some really good writing, my sister is one of those who picks them, and I’m gonna tell her about it.”

What can this possibly mean:

If the penis extender guy tells his sister the publicist how great I write…. I just might get a novel published….lmao  😉

~~

…Although I may have my penis extended at some point in the future, since it is not living up to my expectations!!!

bwahahahahahaha

This entry was posted on January 25, 2013, in funny, Humor and tagged .

Twas the Night Before Christmas…teeheehee

Twas the night before Christmas,

and all through the house,

not a creature was stirring,

except a stupid mouse.

He had no idea

there were four cats at home,

lounging about the windowsills,

their terrain to roam.

He’d already sniffed at the stockings hung low,

not able to dangle to the delites below.

The house was all decorated

with bits of Christmas past,

he’d already eaten the cheese by the glass.

His tummy was full, much like Santa’s bag,

he took a rest amongst the pile of shag.

Not just one, or two, or even three,

but four cats watched him silently.

All the sudden he noticed

the deadly still air,

and tiptoed over to the foot of a chair,

hoping St. Nicolas would soon be there,

to save his butt and stop the cats’ Christmas meal

of his tiny bones and fat belly to peel.

~~~

Ho Ho Ho, who wouldn’t know,

Ho Ho Ho, who wouldn’t go-o-o,

Up on the couch and leap to the tree,

up to the star and …..

oh shit!

~~~

lmao, I’m in a bit of a twisted mood!

~~~~~

~~~~~

UPDATE…SOMEONE GOOGLED “HO HO HO WHO WOULDN’T GO” AND ENDED UP HERE!!!  BWAHAHAHAHAHA