Archives

Driving

brandon in front of a ferris wheel at Gorge 2016

Driving forward, nothing can stop him

With the will of a weed, he will steer

Through the chaos that fills every moment

Squealing tires and melting hearts, with little to no fear

Determined to make a life long remembered

His grip tight and spirit second to none

Taking his life and the world by storm

Transcending the scar of a forsaken son

No doubts trouble his insightful vision

Plowing through problems with ease and grace

His strength growing with each passing year

Determined to conquer and win each race

Shining his light into the darkest of realms

His fire for life a rare maternal element

Blinding en masse as his journey unfolds

His passion leads him to complete fulfillment

He will make each of his dreams happen

He’s a supernova just waiting to explode

Coupled with traits such as will and desire

Nothing can stop him or veer him off road

Advertisements

Simple Loves

11

 

silver colored rain splatters upon the ground

spreading out like running sheep

hands flinging fingers open wide

making a point before a beep

muscles pulling the grandest jete

toes reaching the horizon in a leap

the minds of children creating joy

dreaming wildly while sound asleep

the look of new parents in any species

their tears of love uncontrollably seep

or me flying like a majestic bird

making memories I will forever keep

as easily as the trees in the breeze

bending deep

the simple loves in life

make me weep

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I wrote this because a friend and I were discussing how often she cries when people are mean to her. Its part of our job to deal with assholes, but it occurred to me when she said this, that I cry due to joy more often than anything else. Sure, I’m very empathetic and I cry easily if a friend is sad, and I’ll admit I have cried while watching many different types of moves, ie, the Green Mile, Phenomenon, where I bawled like a baby, and even at the end of Armageddon. (more for her losing her father, than for BW dying. lol ) Still for the most part, with mean people, I tend to get very Motherly and put them in their place. Even if I need to yell to do it!  lol  But my friend has a tender heart, isn’t very tough on the inside, and lets people walk all over her, which is sad, but I think a huge waste of tears. Those who are mean are just assholes, and you just have to let it wash over you, knowing they are miserable and will always be. Not my problem, not me that caused theirs. Simple as that.

But I’ve also learned over the years, it’s hard to teach someone to be strong, when they have no faith to give them strength. People say all the time…. OH I BELIEVE IN GOD… yet they have never once given their problem to God, wholeheartedly believed HE would take care of it, and relaxed back in the peace that this simple surrender will give. BUT YOU MUST HAVE FAITH. You must truly believe HE WILL HANDLE IT… and most people don’t.

They’re all about lip service.

  I do it daily. Usually in the morning while I drive somewhere. For some reason God and I do a lot of chatting in my truck. I ask for parking lot angels, idiot angels to keep me safe on the highway from idiot terrourrists, whatever I need, God wants me to ask Him to do it… so I do. And I am peaceful inside, not worrying about anything, throughout most of my day. Some days, yeah, I’m tired, loose my temper and have to shut someone up… but hey, no one’s perfect. lol  And God knows me inside and out. He knew I was going to do that. So why get upset, why chastise myself for not handling it right? Nope, I move on. Life is TOO SHORT to worry about the little shit. God knows why I reacted the way I did, and I ask him to forgive me when I know I’ve been wrong.

But folks, all in all, with all the weird problems in my life, I am a pretty happy person!

I find peace daily.

Find yours.

Find Joy.

Find God.

Yearn

1

a subtle hint

of reflected light

setting apart

a sunset flight

passing by

a wave of desire

it’s misty spray

reaching higher

grasping for air

empty fists curled

stretched wide

covering the world

it dreams of flying

never to return

reborn in a cloud

dreaming drops yearn

Time Gives Everything To Those Who Wait

1

she was never one for waiting

chasing whatever lit her heart

into a flame

except that one time

she’ll never forget

for it lasted for years

the hoping

the dreams day and night

the never ending waiting

that never ended

it was just gone one day

leaving an empty hole

where love had once curled up

surrounded by a glow

of innocence and optimism

until the waiting dragged on

like a painful tooth ache

or a throbbing migraine

she’d tried to end it all

once

but God stopped her

but not the never ending

hurting

the never ending ache

darkening her soul

that never ended

for he had always said

time gives everything

to those who wait

and she’d waited

painfully waited

through the greatest years

of her life

a part of her had waited

always been waiting

that

never

ended

Not a Soul

4

not a soul around to hear

a haunting call in the wind

drawn into brushed clouds

vanishing in a single stroke

the world below too far

to care to feel to see to hear

the song of silent space

whipping by in an echo

of voices of time of shifting

drifting in a seamless flow

of paint on a canvas gliding

across an ocean of blue heaven

one gust away from beyond

where the stars reach out

brightening a shining lure

to fill the emptiness aloft

the loneliness soaring high

spreading outward in infinity

the sound of yearning singing

of one hope

one dream

one

with

not a soul around to hear

~~~~~~~

The Window Frame

mountain 1

the window frame sagged

her finger trailed through dust

the floor rose up in a swirl as she passed

the ratty piece of carpet lying just here

and there

along with the memory of clattering dishes

burnt onions and a hunched vacuum cleaner

still plugged in

Perry Mason arguing a case

echoing behind naïve voices arguing a case

floating on the mites fleeing for cover

as the ancient desk filled the room

struggling to hold up

the rainbow of folders and fluttering notebooks

flying their way to the floor

one by one

some finding refuge on the paisley cushion

crushed into a canoe and now home to mice

becoming a new roof on a den

but the pen

chewed cap still in place

lay amongst her life

listing as her last thoughts lay beneath

… eyes blurring she blinked the words into focus

“YOU completed me… still, they suffered. Why…

didn’t You tell me?”

a sigh escaped as a rolled and worn sheet

leaped with hope

tapping once before finding rest

while its turbulence chases a fur ball

into fleeing for the sunshine

through the front door swinging wide

and following its own dream

of becoming a butterfly

~~~~~~~

for Jeannie XXOOO

I’ve always dreamed…

1-24-15 sunset

I’ve always dreamed of God speaking to me

yet some days, like today, I did not shine

and it saddens me

to think I don’t deserve it

to realize that I’m not nearly good enough

to deserve His direct contact

yet its not like I don’t realize I fail

miserably, a lot, often, I fail

I let my anger and impatience

take over, ruin my day

ruin any chance I may have

and it saddens me

to know, I know, I know deep down

I don’t deserve to speak to Him

the Holiest being, The Creator

yet a tiny little spot

right inside my heart

still waits, still hopes

that one day I will rise

higher than the mountains

higher than an eagle flies

and I know, I know, deep down

I WILL speak to Him

on that day

Out There

1

 

a vast sky fades from blue to black

the emptiness seems to go on forever

even the cold shivers out there

space filled to the brim with nothing

but a star tossed here and there

a few rocks ricochet in chaos

and a tiny manmade machine floats

blindly towards and into the black

unknown unsure and unable

to reach the next star

a species leaves behind mass destruction

to search for another species

to what… destroy, visit with

get that all-consuming answer

to how it all began and why

why are we here

we desperately need to know

because we are not happy here

we can’t stop killing each other

we are killing our planet by the hour

yet we still search the vast heavens

hoping for what? WHAT?

what could we possibly learn

that would change our species

into one that loves, cares, gives,

shares, dreams, hopes,

believes in kindness, justice, truth…

for that is what we need

that is what we crave

that is why we are HERE

do you really think we can find any of that

out there?

Wordless

brandon in italy on top of stromboli

Wordless

I remember a day… giggling for hours

over nonsense, useless ideas, the drama

then one of us looked out the window

the other rushed over and there you were

the one she wanted

in only one full minute, mouth dangling open

silent motionless, it sank in

you were the one

you were the one

I had dreamed about

you were the one I had created

from too many romance novels

day dreams on a hillside

the man imposed upon a G.I.Joe Ken doll

the one who always drove the massive dump truck

bright yellow in the sunlight making his camo too visible

hours spent picturing

my dream man

this hard working soldier who would have blond hair

slate blue eyes

that sparkle when looking my way

become steely when danger is near

gorgeous and sexy and of course

would love me like no other woman

but you were lost in the shallow beauty

and the physical realm

drawn away only seconds later it seemed

and I saw it in the flicker of your eyes

you were wordless

not a writer

you had no comprehension

of the imagination

of the possibilities

of a dream come true

Affecting Lives

It’s strange how we idolize movie stars, actors and actresses. But sometimes one or two come along that play their part so well, you almost believe they are this way in real life.

I grew up watching The Waltons, a great family show series about a family struggling to survive in 1933 and carried on into the 40’s. As someone who came from a large family also, I identified easily with all the brothers and sisters, but mostly with two characters: The father, John, played by Ralph Waite and his son John-Boy, played by Richard Thomas, during the series. Various other actors played in the pilot, and there were several movies made after the series ended.

As a young girl who was raised by a stepfather who was hard working, yet completely cold and unaffectionate, I can remember dreaming of John as a father figure. And also as a young girl who lived through books, I identified strongly with John-Boy and his dreams of becoming a writer. Each night the show was on, all eight of us children would fan out on the floor in front of our ancient TV and watch the show intently, rarely commenting as this was not allowed until a commercial came on. My stepfather and mother would be in their favorite spots on the couch, one at each end, rarely exhibiting the kind of love and connections this family had and felt for each other.

It was a dream. No family I’ve have ever heard of cared as deeply for each other, or forgave each other so easily, working out their problems in a healthy loving way. Don’t get me wrong, there was much love in my family, mostly dished out from my mother, but also always shown through the struggles my stepfather displayed in keeping us all fed, clothed and keeping us on the right track in school and with a work ethic and dedication to taking care of his family, even if it was without tender emotion.

Still, the characters have stayed with me throughout my own life, and it struck me today with sadness as I watched the funeral for Ralph Waite, as portrayed on another TV show I love, NCIS. He had taken the role as Gibb’s father, and was once again a great father figure for a new generation. I remember hearing in the past at one time he was rated #3 of all the greatest loved father figures to ever be portrayed on TV. And it struck me hard, as I sadly realized he had finally passed away in real life. I had heard about it a few months ago, but at the time I was at work and it didn’t really register until today.

Of course Richard Thomas has become an icon also, in TV, Movies, theatre, and has directed numerous movies, but he also wrote 3 books of poetry. He is beyond talented, but I will never forget his first role in my world, the one I saw first, as him playing John-Boy. His dream, never ending, never wavering dream of becoming a writer was etched into my tender heart and mind throughout most of my childhood. Along with his father there backing him every step of the way, encouraging him, and teaching him what it meant to be a real man.

Of course I realize that both actors were blessed with great scripts, written by wonderfully well written authors, and I give them credit as well, as it was their great writing that made these men into great actors.

But we rarely get to see the authors, or get to know them as people. I did read the book Spencer’s Mountain, by Earl Hammer, as a young girl, and loved it, too, which I believe The Walton’s was based on.

I find it hard to believe Ralph is gone, and I truly feel like I’ve lost a dear friend, but mostly I wonder if he was a great man in life also, or just a really good actor. I wonder the same about Richard, and from what I’ve seen of him on talk shows he does seem to be a kind, good man for the most part. But I never saw Ralph in anything but shows, so I can’t say anything in regards to him.

But I do know this, if there were ever two greater actors, given two better scripts, I have not seen them. Or maybe I was just an impressionable young girl who needed an affectionate loving father and an older brother I could look up to, and strive to be like, since I had neither at home.

Thank you Ralph, you will be sorely missed. And thank you, too, Richard, for instilling a lifelong desire in me, to achieve my dreams as a writer.

His Warm Embrace

 

 

sunset.jpg (2)

His Warm Embrace

10-15-13

 

as I walked along the sand

He reached out and took my hand

I gazed at the heavens above

and fell profoundly in love

the water washed in ashore

as I yearned for nothing more

than His arms holding me tight

beneath the touch of moonlight

a wistful breeze ruffled my hair

feeling His passion as I stood there

making a wish upon a bright star

dreaming of a day not too far

when I would finally see His face

and thrive in His warm embrace

of infinite love each and every day

the eternal happiness of His way

Update…

Yesterday, my day was filled with darkness, anger, sadness and was just a horrible day in all.  I got so angry at an old friend on face book I literally screamed at him and unfriended him!  Something I thought I would never do.  I finally ended up just leaving to go comfort my friend, Nikita’s Mom, and we talked for hours, which helped immensely.  But when I came back home, the darkness descended again. 

I have to say, I really feel it was evil that streamed into my home and heart through my nightmares.  I really believe now that I am reaching enough people all across the world here on my blog and my face book, that I truly think satan was attacking me.  It’s not that I’m so conceited as to think I am a minister, or preacher, because I am SO not in real life.  I am outgoing and friendly and caring, but I have way too many faults to ever try to become a real minister type.  But I think that people are reading my poems and I pray some are coming closer to the Lord when they do, even just giving them the idea, or what I call, “planting a seed” and waiting for the harvest.  And I think I have started to affect enough people that satan has noticed me.  And I truly love the thought that he cringes every morning when my feet hit the floor!  That just makes me smile.

I can’t really explain how bad it was, but it was a dark cloud that consumed me, was almost visible it was so palpable in my home, that I sat and prayed hard to God last night.  I literally yelled at satan, screaming at him to leave my home, my head and my heart, and demanded it via Yeshuah’s Holy Name!  I banished satan, his evil hoards, and demanded that he stay out of my dreams and heart, all in the name of GOD and YESHUAH, my savior, the TRUE KING OF KINGS, and LORD OF LORDS!  I then asked God to surround me in angels last night; to envelope me in a ball of love so nothing could penetrate it!  I also asked the HOLY SPIRIT, Ruach Hakodesh, to fill my soul with peace.   And I also asked God to forgive me for my behavior and anger yesterday, and to help me conquer this darkness, and to keep me on the path that follows His Glorious Son!!!

Some of you may not think this kind of thing works, but I slept soundly last night until 8am this morning!  I didn’t have one bad dream, and instead had 2 nice dreams, relating to the songs I had heard earlier in the day on the Christian rock station I listen to.  They floated through my dreams, playing, me singing along, and this morning I feel light, lighthearted, full of joy again, peace is resting on me like my clothes; softly covering me!  I kid you not folks, believe what you want, but GOD is real, HIS SON is phenomenal, and even the Ruach Hakodesh brought peace into my heart!

Its a GLORIOUS DAY!  I say, as I stare at dumping rain, overcast darkness outside, but in my home and heart….there is GREAT PEACE and MUCH LIGHT!!!!

And thank you to all of you who chimed in with wonderful thoughts and kind advice!!!

Have a great day, my friends!!!  May God Bless You ALL!!!!!   🙂

When I say…

Michael is my warrior friend, watching over my lost son, I am not lying.  I have felt very unsettled all week, which believe it or not I rarely worry about my son, because I have given him and his addiction to God and Yeshuah to take care of.  If I hadn’t I would’ve sunk under the weight of despair.  I’ve done all I can, and after I originally prayed and gave the problem to God, I was filled with peace and the worry just left my mind.  Thoughts of my son are always hovering close by, but really, I don’t worry or even think about it for long periods of time, long like weeks.

So last night when I went to bed around 10, after putting in 36 hours in three days at work, I thought I would sleep like a log.  But I didn’t. I tossed and turned, and thoughts of my son plagued my dreams.  I woke up this morning with the worst nightmare still playing in my mind, someone had shot my son and thrown his body in the river, and would never be found.  Probably the worst dream a mother can have…..but typical of the types of dreams I have, the kind of horrific nightmares I’ve had all my life.

I sat up in bed and said a quick prayer, my usual, which isn’t full of bullshit, but short and to the point, because I really don’t think God, the Holy Spirit or Yeshuah want to hear us ramble on and on, listing out every single praise we can imagine, going on and on about how wonderful they are.  I really don’t.  So my prayers usually go something like this:

“God, please continue to watch over my boys.  I know you will, you are always so good to me.  Yeshuah, please keep your minions of angels watching Douglas, and Michael, I know you must have been working hard last night, so thank you again for taking care of him.  Thank you for all my blessings, Father, I love you!”

That was it, and then I got up and went into the kitchen, nuked some water for my coffee, and then sat on my couch to boot up my laptop.  Before it booted up, my son called me and said,

“Mom, I’m in Issaquah and catching the bus, can you pick me up at 9am?”

I said “ok.”  He hung up and I thanked God for several minutes, with many heartfelt deep praises.

I picked him up and brought him home, and after I said to myself out loud again, ‘God you are so good to me’, he turned to me and said,

Yes He is.  Mom, I thought I was gonna get shot last night….” and went on to describe an event that scared him so much he took off on the last bus to Issaquah and then slept behind the Target to wait until morning… to come home.

Michael, my warrior friend, once again saved my son.  As a mother, or father, or even adoptive parent, this scenario seems like it’s what was on the TV last night, and you may think to yourself, this kind of thing will never happen to my children, I won’t let it!  But, let me tell you, it does happen.  It happens without your consent, and when you sit and think about it nonstop as it’s happening and ruining their lives, it will rip you to shreds if you don’t have the strength to handle it.  I tend to think God knows I’ve become a strong woman over the years, and can handle this, but even to me THIS is devastating.  To me, my heart, and my son.

So when I say, God is SO GOOD TO ME….I MEAN IT!

And my greatest wish for any of you out there, who don’t have faith, is that someday soon the light streams into your heart and fills you with the LOVE and JOY I have in my life.  EVEN while surrounded in darkness…the LIGHT shines through and I feel the Glory.

THANK YOU GOD, YOU ARE SO GOOD TO ME!!!

His Majesty

9

watching over His kingdom

an eye for the fleeing and foolish

His patience displayed

in His embedded claw…

the fish within half a mile doomed

by the unwrinkled cloudless haven

yet dreaming in the cascading light

of a mate on the cave-ridden side

just moments before the King rises

judging his spirit to be worthy

and his life to be worth more

than he could ever dream of

she dreamed of becoming a butterfly

2a

swaying in the morning breeze
she dreamed of becoming a butterfly
the beauty of flight from one place to another
avoiding solitude as a glowing firefly

~~

not wanting to wake up and having to slough off bees
tickling her petals wrestling her leaves
suffering butterflies calling dibs
hummingbirds poking her deep in the ribs
~~
ants crawling all over her skin squeak
and worst of all stupid cats taking a leak

BEHOLD MY MUSE: MOON DREAM

For more beautiful paintings by Katleen’s Brushes, click below:

http://colouredwindows.wordpress.com/2013/05/31/moon-dream/#comments

Moon Dream

6-5-13

~

heart pounding

fight or flight rearing

he felt it coming

he stumbled in flight

hairs all at attention

breaking as he fell

the weight of it held him down

rocks and sticks poking him

struggling in his yard

face up to darkness

yet watching the dandelion

next to his head

lit like a monument

made of roses

swaying in the breeze

slowly shift into the moon

rising overhead

howling at his soul

Fulfilled

Fulfilled

4-17-13

when your dreams start coming true

oxygen fueling a passion to pursue

exploding into a peace filled sigh

riding waves that reach above the sky

transcending this time you reach

grasping at a sunrise at the beach

feeling it run through your hands

fairy dust through wedding bands

pure essence of deep happiness

a cool touch in a blistering mess

an orgasm with each exhaled blow

filling you as a spring river will grow

overflowing into emptiness and woe

making them cower in the abyss below

Longing

Longing

4-9-13

after a long gloomy winter scrapes my nerves raw

the longing for sparkling sunshine begins to gnaw

my skin screams for me to find a few beams

peep holes of blue spark my mountainous dreams

golden rays gracing peaks never seen before

the birds chirping and slurping worms galore

mating calls echo through the air and trees

the fire of love is the warmth in the breeze

for when spring has sprung across the hills

every living thing forgets the forsaken chills

every spring every year the skies again turn blue

rejoicing, celebrating, blessed life begins anew

I had the best day today….

that I have had in a long time.   And I owe it all to YHVH! 

If you ever think He won’t answer your questions or help you if you need it, please read my blog.

He is working in me daily, guiding me, teaching me, and rewarding me each and EVERY step of the way.  My life is a slow motion reel about how YHVH can actually give you the life you dream of.    HE IS… I am living proof.  It seems like almost every time over the last 10 years that I have asked Him for something, really humbly asked, He has given it to me with in days!

What’s interesting to me, is how He always waits until the last moment, to change things.  Why is that?  Is it so we will be calling out to Him NON stop until the very last second of our drowning???  lol    It makes me think He is….because that is how it always happens with me.  Of course, I’ve been drowning for a very long time! ha!.

About 10 years ago, I was about to be homeless, and a nice man LOANED me his R.V. camper, so my son and I would have somewhere to live.  He didn’t hardly even know me.  Then when he needed it back, I was about to be homeless again, and in a two-week timeframe, I managed to buy a home.  Just one example of so many miracles Yeshuah has given me, I could list them out all day, and may have to put them together in a novel some day soon.

But today, was incredible.  He made 3 different things happen, that may have just changed my future for the better.  Not only relieving HUGE amounts of stress from my shoulders, but 3 individual things, with three different companies, and OMG!!!!!!! Thank you YHVH!

He has just given me the first step into a life I love.

I hope EACH and EVERY ONE OF YOU HAD JUST AS WONDERFUL A DAY AS I DID!

And if not, please consider YHVH!  God!  Yashuah!  What ever you need … HE WILL GIVE YOU!!!

YHVH BLESS YOU ALL!!!!!!!  AND I PRAISE HIS HOLY NAME!

Darkness Let Go

Darkness Let Go

9-13-12

Some of you may know this about me, some of you may not,

my dreams come true, no matter how sweet or the horror plot.

If someone dies in my dreams, they’re gone the very next day,

it shatters my heart into shards of glass, what could I say?

I tried for years to stop them, suppress the coming grief,

asking God to please make them stop, still no relief.

But two days ago, I had a dream that was a vivid, brilliant glow,

that shattered the path of darkness in my dreams, darkness let go.

I know I’m blessed now, since that time long ago when I hid,

Fighting the truth like an animal in a trap, He just lifted the lid.

The brightness startled me, the love flowing through my chi,

I knew as He came slowly, His Hand held out to me.

My first thought was “Please, oh please, let me soar once more,

like an eagle in flight, my greatest delight, just once more before?”

But I looked into His Eyes then and the wish fled from my mind,

the incredible kindness poured into me, His Eyes honestly shined.

My old desires were gone, only one thought remained, I said,

“Thank you for coming for me!”  He smiled and nod his head.

My soul filling up to a bursting explosion, love like a heavy sand,

Grinning wildly, The Son of the Morning … was holding my hand.

(this was truly my dream! thank you so much Blessed Jesus!)