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In An Instant

e

beauty and death swirled into one

the light a pale kiss upon deep magenta veins

the Creator’s design to teach us Hope

for life is evolving in front of our eyes

one minute opening like a slow dance

the next withering into a curl of loss

darkening into dried silken ash

but before falling softly to the ground

another slow dance peels open God’s heart

blossoming into Hope in an instant

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Please Pray….

Romeo, Twinkie and Sweetheart…

brandon 0021twinkSweettart

DSCN0630Lil Misster Kitty 9-2016

Lil Misster Kitty… before …                 and now………….  3 weeks later

 

PLEASE PRAY…

NOT ONLY for my four cats who are all dying now, but for the evil neighbor who has poisoned them with rat poison, I think. He needs help…and so do his three daughters and wife, who have to live with him. 

The EVIL neighbor, we’ll call him Satan… doesn’t understand … much of anything… but especially the fact that the people who lived there before him had 11 cats, and mine are still trying to claim their territory, doing what they naturally do, pee and spraying all over the place. 

I can understand Satan’s frustration, and disgust, not having pets himself, but there are better ways to make my cats stop visiting his home…. like shooting bee-bee’s at their behinds, which only sting, but don’t maim or kill, or do much of anything but run them off.  Or he could scare them, putting one of my cat traps in the spot they’re peeing in and trapping them, so I know which one it is…and so it also scares them out of going over there again.

BUT NO… nothing humane … he’s an evil asshole who has poisoned all four of them, with Lil Misster Kitty on deaths doorstep.  He went from being a fat little ornery fart, to a skeleton in two weeks, with stuff oozing from his eyes and nose to the point he’s wheezing, losing his hair, not moving … and now the other three are following suit.  They’re dying of thirst, which is the first clue to a poisoning with rat poison, not eating, and running fevers. All classic symptoms, which breaks my heart. There’s no way to prove it was Satan, but they make rat poison to taste wonderful, and Lil Misster has always been a greedy eater. Which is why he’s going first, would be my guess.

I want to put them down so they don’t suffer, but it will break my heart four times over…so all I can say is Please Pray everyone, for them and him… and maybe a tiny bit for me.  You all know… I love them, I hate them, I love them, I hate them…. and on and on.  BUT A CRUEL DEATH like this… NOTHING DESERVES THIS! Well, maybe the neighbor does… still, just say a quick prayer for my kits… at the least, that they don’t hurt!  They don’t seem to be in pain, yet, so I’m waiting… hoping now that I’ve locked them inside the house, they might recover.  But I think it’s a long shot. 

And do add a mention for the evil neighbor, he’s headed straight for hell, a well deserved hell, but maybe if we all pray for his lost soul, we might still save him.  (You go first, I’m still thinking about it… hahaha) No.. I’m serious, it’s about loving your enemies… and not flattening his tires… not spray painting his house with the words “MURDERER”, etc… lol  Can you tell I’m struggling… I am!

Thanks all, and hope you are all having a Blessed Day! Smile

A Mountain of Forgiveness

8

 

most likely its my greatest of woes

like climbing a mountain with no toes

or swimming an ocean for a deep breath

what will I do if it means my death

this not forgiving I hold a grudge

double the anger gives me a nudge

greedy parasites cover earth in a mist

and cruelty is at the top of the my list

growing longer than impatience endures

with my peeves flying past in sharp blurs

I stumble repeatedly flailing off a deadly cliff

falling into shit with a miserable whiff

not quite finding the strength to dig on out

I crawl towards the mountain clawing about

while my heart and hands are covered in pain

I’ve given in to an endless reign

of evil and heartache till I’m finally full

rupturing and bursting my only soul

never learning that vengeance is God’s alone

only His to smite from His Holy throne

Blue Velella Velella… you make me so blue…

24

little blue bits of beauty

settled onto the sand

their days of sailing around the world

over at the wind’s hand

 

The creativity seen here… is astounding. The wing standing up on this tiny jelly fish lets it ride the waves across the globe. As it rides on the surface of the ocean, the wind blows across it’s little wing and it sails. 

Unfortunately, when the wind is fd up, they end up on the beach… dead… by the thousands. They travel in mobs, and these guys were just little babies. An inch to two in length at the most. Maybe just babies, because earlier this year, millions washed up in Oregon, adults, huge for jellyfish, some a foot across and they all died.

They were fascinating to look at, like they had an internal grid-work of electrical signals going on… just like the one in the top of the picture, they were so amazing.

And so, it made me sad to see hundreds of them on the beach dying.  Even the birds weren’t eating them, so it was just a mass death for no reason… other than possibly keeping their population under control… still, it made me sad.  Sad smile

Immortal?

9

So, here’s my question for you all today….

Is it possible we can ‘earn’ immortality?

Or… for the other side of the coin; could we ‘evolve’ into it, on our own?

Someone mentioned it, and I can’t stop thinking about it. So here’s my thoughts, don’t forget to share yours.

On the one hand, there is a God, but scripture’s say it is not the deeds you do, it is the love you have inside for God, everything else, everyone else, that gets you into heaven… the eternal mortality that God offers is the goal; the bait; the one thing you do not have here on Earth. You’ve experienced love, been loved (hopefully) by at least one other being in your life, so maybe a new Daddy figure isn’t something you feel you need. But to live forever… FOR EVER?  It would be cool and boring, probably at the same time, and if everyone you loved wasn’t immortal, it would be amazing yet incredibly sad. But think about it, if we all lived forever, here on Earth, we would be wall to wall people… the planet couldn’t support us all… it would be much like it is now, with a lot more starvation thrown in. A lot.

But what if immortal doesn’t mean with your current body? What if immortal is impossible with our body?

Would you want it with your soul? Would you want it if they told you your brain went with it?? Or I should say, your mind? How about your heart; your love? Your feelings??  Wouldn’t you need all these things, for immortality to work? So where do our thoughts, feelings and love come from, if not our soul? Our brain tells our lungs to breathe; but what tells your lungs to hold your breath when you kiss? Or swim? Or blow up a balloon? This is your mind, not your brain. This is you… part of your soul. It floods you with warmth when you’re happy, and it chills you when someone you love dies. It rises up to sing with your favorite song. It explodes in your heart when you hold your child for the first time forcing you to cry with joy.

All this … does it go with your soul? Of course. It is your soul. This is what will become immortal with God. You. Your essence. Your entire soul. And from what I hear, you get the coolest set of WINGS to boot! So in some way… they have to be attached to you…. so you must end up with a body of some sort…right??? 

Now we go to the evolving aspect. It must be possible, somewhere, somehow, because we know how DNA works. Say you’re the one being on a planet who’s DNA alters just enough to where your cells never die, they just recycle themselves in some way… yes you would be the first…

but think about it… out of the BILLIONS of species on this planet, I would guess ALL of them… ALL of them have NEVER ONCE had their genes mutate into immortality. Are WE humans really that special that our DNA would suddenly evolve in a different way than every other species on this planet? If you believe in evolution, you also believe that something had to have seeded this planet with life, ie, bacteria from asteroids…etc.

That being said, literally, anything is possible. We know so little about our lives, our bodies, the world… the universes… it’s embarrassing really. But, we have only been around for about 10,000 years. Compare that to …. frogs… and you’d be blushing again, they’ve been around for over 200 million years…. so lets pick something younger in eon terms… how about a simple rose…. not even close, they’ve been around for about 35 million years… I could go on… my point… we are the youngest species on this planet. With maybe 10 other exceptions, mostly crap our lab tech’s have grown.. that they shouldn’t have!

There are also a few worms, flies and brine shrimp that can all go into suspended animation… the brine can survive up to 10,000 years… add water, and bam, you’ve got brine shrimp… but that’s only suspending life, not living eternally… and well, they’re bugs ya’ll!  Bugs! lol they don’t even know what being alive is.

So the chances that we could alter ourselves into immortality is pretty ridiculous. The fact that we don’t even understand HOW our cells know when to change, or why… or what made that protein decide to turn on a switch… folks… we don’t know SHIT!  OK! We only know the obvious, and that’s about .0000009% of what we need to know.

So my view is obvious… unless you’re severely slow you’ve figured it out by now… I say, go with God! He’s your best bet at becoming immortal! I truly don’t see us, a bacteria ourselves, evolving into anything as spectacular as an immortal being! But you will never earn it, with good deeds. You just have to LOVE!!! And it’s so easy to love God, and everything and everyone else… try it sometime.

Just go one day… where every single thing you see, every person, dog, flower… from the mailman to the boss you hate every other day… and be kind to them. Show them love.  And SEE what happens. Maybe nothing, maybe not… either way, sit back and FEEL what you did.

ENJOY that feeling of peace and happiness that your entire body has been tricked into feeling! Sink into it. Each time you are kind, people usually show you thanks, or love…. each time you reach out and touch someone physically, you are giving love, and USUALLY you will get love back. (now don’t be getting all pervy… lol) JUST TRY IT!!! And you will see… that feeling this way… is the GREATEST thing on earth. Right up there with the immortality you are going to experience!!

Smile

Another day… another try.

8

A gentleman walks by me, pleasant as pie, smiles and says “Mornin’”. The green dress clashes terribly a in huge fashion faux pas by partnering it with dirty brown Muck Lucks; white tube socks rolled to the knee cap. He’s a regular, and likes to chat a bit. One hand gently pressed against his lower lip as he waits for my response. Today his nails are black, but only a misshaped swampy island in the center of each.

“How’s it going?” My smile stiffens as I realize what I just said. To me, that’s like saying “hello”. With friends, it’s a real question, but acquaintances, not so much. It’s habit. I wish I was hiding under one. Tonight I’m tired. Didn’t get even an hours’ sleep. My back hurts. I’m just not in a good mood.

I try to lighten lives every day, thinking by sharing one tiny personal bit of info with another person, it shows they are not alone. I’ve done this my entire life, ever since a friend of mine died when we were young. It ended up being a freak accident. But suicide had been a topic we were all interested in at the time, I can’t remember why, but maybe it was just our age. My friend had written something and it grew into my roots. “If just one person had acted like I mattered, anyone, I wouldn’t have done it.”

Sitting on her bed, as I read her diary, she’d written a suicide note just weeks before, getting ready. She’d changed her mind; I never new why, but she didn’t do it. Just the idea of it, hurt my soul. I thought her life was fine. I also thought I was her friend, her good friend. Yet I had no idea she was contemplating suicide. I’d heard her say many times, that she felt alone in school, at home, even when she was out with friends. She felt apart, somehow. We always seemed to have fun, to me.

It stayed with me, became part of me, became a first response for me. I’ve always joked with people, strangers, friends… always. I love to laugh. And for the most part, I take the time to listen to people, even when they’re ranting, because everyone needs to be heard.

So the gentleman smirks, and launches into his latest problem; he needs a new razor blade for his electric razor, which I know instantly we only carry the cheap plastic emergency kind in the store. His full beard is at least an inch long, so I grin and say, “Well, I guess you’ll just have to become a Quaker.”

His giggle becomes a twitter and I try to make my escape. Three more times he comes to the counter and pulls out the hair and grease filled razor, showing me the old blade, in the hopes that new ones will magically appear. Each time my skin crawls at the nasty wad of pubes still stuck inside.

His last trip to the counter was timed to coincide with an empty store. Razor now back in the bag over his wrist, he says to me, “I want you to know I appreciate the fact that I never get the “judgy” tone from you. You talk to me like I’m “normal”. I just wanted to say thanks.” He was blushing a lovely shade of apricot, his eyes sparkled in the bright light.

I said, “The day I become perfect, is the day I will judge you. And you are normal. You are more normal than a lot of people I know.” For someone who was almost six feet tall, he ducked his head down so low I couldn’t see his eyes any longer, but his hand darted out and squeezed mine quickly before he left the store at a run.

I smiled, feeling good for a moment, and thought, “Now, how will I break it to him that the Muck Luck’s make him look like Grandma Eskimo!”

Another day… another try.

Under The Leafless Trees

slew inthe rain

lost in the trees

a final downpour

drenched in pain

as she stood transfixed

faces dredged in her memory

 

ripples of love

in her eyes forever

the one moment

of unsurpassed

perfection

the only perfection

she’d always known

she would leave behind

 

for the life

she hadn’t dreamt of

the pills were sustenance

the alcohol a warm bed

it was the “only’s”

vital

sustaining

her struggle to breathe

her dance at work

her spine curling mistakes

 

it became thoughtless

imperative and pushy

even shockingly redundant

she had no reason left

the emptiness told her

but her soul no longer heard

 

to exist barely extant

as a sham of a shell

only works

until the shell cracks

in a ripping fracture

beyond repair

ending as her eyes stilled

with a sudden awe

the shade of a river blue

 

for the first time

since that love poured down

peace bloomed in a sigh

and for the first time

under the leafless trees

she stayed perfectly dry

The Window Frame

mountain 1

the window frame sagged

her finger trailed through dust

the floor rose up in a swirl as she passed

the ratty piece of carpet lying just here

and there

along with the memory of clattering dishes

burnt onions and a hunched vacuum cleaner

still plugged in

Perry Mason arguing a case

echoing behind naïve voices arguing a case

floating on the mites fleeing for cover

as the ancient desk filled the room

struggling to hold up

the rainbow of folders and fluttering notebooks

flying their way to the floor

one by one

some finding refuge on the paisley cushion

crushed into a canoe and now home to mice

becoming a new roof on a den

but the pen

chewed cap still in place

lay amongst her life

listing as her last thoughts lay beneath

… eyes blurring she blinked the words into focus

“YOU completed me… still, they suffered. Why…

didn’t You tell me?”

a sigh escaped as a rolled and worn sheet

leaped with hope

tapping once before finding rest

while its turbulence chases a fur ball

into fleeing for the sunshine

through the front door swinging wide

and following its own dream

of becoming a butterfly

~~~~~~~

for Jeannie XXOOO

He walked into the past

mammoth

He’d led them along the shore on a path worn with use

they followed slowly behind, nibbling on greens and weeds

still in his sight, safe for the moment, he stood taller

nose lifted and sniffing the fishy sea breeze

a calmness settled into his bones as he gazed north

his view a beautiful red yellow streak across the sky

he had no last thoughts as his body hit the sand

his mind no time to process shock or wonder

it was just one second: content and wildly alive

and the next… stone

A True Christian

01 DuBois Falls

I realized something this morning, as I watched a video or two of Hillsong United. The first video showed them playing a concert somewhere in India (I think) and the massive audience was singing along with the song, as if they’d sang it a million times before. Then I watched them singing “Touch the Sky” in Spanish, as it looked like they were playing somewhere in Mexico or Brazil. Even in Spanish, everyone in the audience was singing along, praising God… It was Beautiful!

And for the first time, I realized how music is spreading the Word of God, the Love for God, across the globe. Being in America, we tend to think we ARE the Christian base, the Christian believers of the world. But missionaries have been spreading the word for centuries, all across the world. It made me tear up, watching them singing such a beautiful song, completely in Spanish. It sounded wonderful. And the love and joy they were feeling is clearly visible.

During both video’s they were showing at different times the conditions these people were living in, the trash dumps, tiny one room shacks with sheets for walls, the flies in their eyes, even one woman was living in a giant cement pipe used for sewage, but empty at the time, and lying somewhere in a desert town; here toddler runs to her as she sits in the shade of the pipe. And my heart is breaking, knowing these people are just barely living, barely alive, without food, without even a box for a home, just barely surviving on the edge of life…. and here we sit, eating fattening cheeseburgers and pizza, living in giant new homes, palaces to them… talking on our phones, and complaining the service isn’t fast enough and our electric bills are our of control.

And yet, it isn’t our fault we were born here, in the luxury of the US. It isn’t our fault that we have school systems in place to teach our children, and libraries to learn from, or parents with the ability to take care of us until we can take care of ourselves. YES, none of that is our fault, or our choice. We were born into it.

But can you even wrap your mind around the thought that someone else was born into poverty… like none you have ever seen? No home, no clothes, eating dirt to fill your empty cramping painful stomach, no water unless you drink the gray and brown puddle that’s been shit in by a cow or goat, or human. Such utter poverty that you scour through a dump site looking for a bent fork to bend back into shape and sell for less than a penny to get a teaspoon of rice to eat. Or find a dirty stained shirt to wear, because yours no longer has sleeves or is the same shirt you wore for 5 years and it’s too small for you or in filthy tatters.

No. You can’t imagine it, not until you see it live. Or live it. Just the simple idea that you have a flower in your yard to gaze at, one you may have planted yourself, and the poorest of the poor have never seen a flower. They see dirt, for miles on end, nothing but dirt; dirt and sand, blowing in the wind, into your eyes, covering your body, and they have never even seen a single flower. Because where there is no water, there are no flowers. Or food, or weeds, or herbs, or trees. Nothing, but pain, hunger, thirst, cold nights and baking hot days, and no home to go to. No parents to help. And certainly no government that will help you in any way.

That is what they live with daily. What they survive. Could you survive that?? Could I??

This is what God meant when He said “Take care of the poor!”

The true poor. Not some woman or man who is too lazy to support themselves and lives off welfare so they don’t have to work, stating they can’t work because no one will hire them, or they have back problems, or allergies, or whatever lame excuse they come up with. They are only poor in spirit. They have no idea what it is like to be truly poor. Plus here, they will not go without food. Even our poorest of the poor can walk to a soup kitchen, or get get food stamps, or stay in a shelter if there is room, and be fed. Yes we have poor people who are starving and homeless, but they can find food if they aren’t too messed up on drugs or alcohol to get it. Being homeless is a far greater issue, once in a while it is due to choice, but for the most part if they choose to, they can work their way back to a poor existence, one where they have some sort of shelter and money for food.

I myself have been poor for as long as I can remember. But I never go without a job or food, and I may live in a crappy trailer, but it has a roof and bathroom and running water that spews out of a faucet, so I don’t have to walk miles to get it. Or boil it just to drink it. I have always considered myself monetarily poor, but never truly poor. That is a whole new level I am thankful I will never have to endure. Because I live here. Because I have parents who would still take care of me if I needed help. Cousins, Uncles, Brothers and Sisters too. All who I could contact if I needed to for help.

The true poor have no one. NO ONE BUT YOU and GOD!

So the next time you are on your cell phone, and can’t upload your favorite song, that you are willing to spend $5.00 for…. think about the people around the world who could feed their entire family for that measly $5.00…. and do something about it! YOU CAN LIVE without it. THEY CANNOT!!!!!!

THAT is being a TRUE CHRISTIAN!!!

Sojourn

james and fireworks 2015

solidarity

a sojourn of being the key

there is a resonance, of one or many

a softness of blurred notes

bent and reflecting, creating its own song

a side strain of determination

an aria of will, if you will

courage in the rhythm, or lack thereof

for it knows know middle ground

even one break in the melody

and its time to move on

the refrain becomes death

a measure of finis

the descant will survive

albeit with a lowing

for the kinship is not broken

only resting

while lost in the silence

Please PRAY!

You can probably tell from my postings, I’m a little down today. And even though I have begged God to take care of my son, and Yeshuah has His greatest Archangel Michael protecting his life…

I am asking that you all, all 900 of you, say a prayer for my son Douglas. He truly needs every single prayer you can offer up. It’s been ten years now… ten years of watching my son slowly kill himself. There is no other way out of the darkness, other than with the Lord’s help!

I’ve been poised on the edge of hell for so long now, I can’t see a way out of the darkness anymore. It will take GOD to bring him back to me. Only God!

As some of you already know, I’m at the point of waiting for that horrifying phone call. We’ve tried repeatedly to get him help, but the evilness that has him in an iron grip, just won’t let go.

I thank you in advance, all of you who will pray.

And in return I pray none of you ever have to lose a child like this… cruelly, slowly, oh so painfully.

With tears streaming down my face, I beg of you… please PRAY!

Right now, with all your heart, please, please pray!

Thank you, with all my heart!

Drape Him in Angels

for tanya2

the love of a child is the greatest love of all

second only to the love I feel for The Lord

it has the ability to break my aching heart

into pieces of pain sliced up with a sword

yet life moves on in the severed silence

bringing me closer and closer towards hell

as moment by moment he slips further away

I’m watching his soul become a lifeless shell

forgive me Lord for despising the enemy

who gives him heroine and meth every day

for I know I may lose my very own soul

as I hate and I hate the evil blind way

they steal his life and chance at hope

as my heart screams out it’s so unfair

a century now he’s been lost and alone

years lost in darkness and blatant despair

yet I know You are watching him far below

holding out Your hand in a gesture of amore

but he’s still drowning in this evil and sorrow

please drape him in Angels to fight this war

CRIMSON

red maple 2

 

 

we celebrate

the day it started

with palms and fronds

piled at His feet

reaching up so far

as to blind the people

gloating in alleys

planning to hurt

blades rising up

stalking His Grace

craving His Glory

green with a sickness

soon to be passed over

in a perfect crimson

reeds bloodied by burden

shimmering beyond on high

the Light of a Savior

given the shaft

Tempest

1

 

I reach out

I pull back

constant chaos

stranded on that cliff

a tempest raging

you need Him so badly

He’s right there

waiting

His breath against your soul

fluttering your hair

open your heart

you’re one step away

take it

run

run like the wind

before it pushes me off

Cherish

1

life is so short, so precious

not always so sweet

yet I look forward, and up

to the place we will meet

after a long span, or a moment

slips by in a single blink

we wonder, what did we miss

what did they think

so I say to you, on this day

love love love all you can

cherish above all, every second

for there is no greater plan

A Season in Stone

A Season in Stone

sentinels standing silently

cold and unyielding

guarding without menace

yet exuding fear

within a perimeter

between smiles

cross-thatched in denial

crisscrossed in an empty threat

for no one escapes

and few desire entry

where wilting flowers once brave

abide a cold shoulder

supported by shabby tufts

echoing a span

of rapture and will

scorn and warmth

with wisdom learned

perchance passed on

perhaps wanting time

just dust in the wind

a dwarf in a universe

shortsighted and slighted

suffering instinct and passion

where a burden with weight

became a mockery of cherish

much like the stone

carved with a date

to exemplify an entire soul

already seeping softly

into the freshly turned dirt

Their Stone Still Stands…Silent and Empty

He said He was going to do it

to wipe them from the Earth

and He did

yet no one seems to admit it

remember it or care

yet their stone still stands

silent and empty

reaching for a heaven

they will never know

for He said their spirit

shall be emptied out

the waters of their seas

would be dried up

into dunes of sand

the canes and reeds

shall wither

the fishermen shall mourn

and be ashamed

from the workers in

combed linen

to those in white lace

the very wisest

have become fools

their goals broken

for YHVY has

counseled Egypt 

and determined against it

for the death of Egypt

was for us to see

and learn 

~~~

Inspired by Isaiah Chapter 19 DSS

Long Before Time – The Moses Beings

I wrote this poem today, to use in my second book,

Long Before Time; the Moses Beings.

Every four lines in a stanza are inserted at the beginning of each chapter. Yes, I know it is very long, the longest poem I have ever written, as each stanza is a short “poetic representation” of the chapter it heads. It is more like a short story, but there are 29 chapters in the book. lol

Enjoy, and I will applaud you if you make it to the end without falling asleep!! 🙂

 

Long Before Time

 

Embroiled in a desert

yet frozen in time

life sparked in a fire anew

amidst a pulverized grime.

 

A journey began in darkness

creeping below a cool moon

searching for a hazy hope

waning in the afternoon.

 

An indigo hint of life

sprinkled like spring flowers

barren of song or soaring

emptiness fell in showers.

 

Danger near at every bend

yet faith endured echoing

a promise from beyond

nigh a spirit of knowing.

 

In sickness and in health

‘til death do they part

striving to survive

unrivaled love fills the heart.

 

Taunting moments

endured for too long

shifting into joy

erupting into song.

 

Praying for comfort

kneeling on a mountain temple

abruptly desolate and alone

accepting far from simple.

 

Reaching a river’s edge

a black swirling menace

fighting back the tears

only calm on the surface.

 

Starting over

an inconceivable cost

devastation unbearable

wandering and lost.

 

Still life finds a way

while painful to the weak

crafting laughter gently

for the humble and the meek.

 

The birth of all things new

from trees to life in the sea

outshines deaths’ stroke

as a bird soars free.

 

Winging its way to the ocean

heading into twilight

the day escapes in a flutter

a journey fashioned in flight.

 

The crushing of the waves

a thundering travesty

a pretense of floating beauty

brilliant as an eagle’s majesty.

 

Just as the mountains range down

reaching for its pebbles fallen

the sea grips life in a tide

rolling engorged and swollen.

 

Like bricks pounding

or a seashell of pearl

the ocean rages inward

in a deadly savage swirl.

 

Like the madness in a horse

eating until it’s bursting

a briny sadness fills the soul

and sorrow leaves it thirsting.

 

Similar to a wandering spirit

days turn into weeks of pain

the folly of a vagrant life

becomes a brackish rain.

 

Yet even Dahlia’s suddenly close

before a miserable storm

sealing up a meager home

their dwelling safe and warm.

 

Despite the unusualness

of the moon controlling the tides

announcing a novel presence

an owl rarely hides.

 

Survival means its hunting

nightly hour by hour

watching life above a darkened trail

eyes wide open and dour.

 

Prepared for the unexpected

option for an offered meal

like a bear or any other predator

an owl swoops in with zeal.

 

Known for their protectiveness

guarding against danger in the night

this spirit beneath the pale moon

only rests in bright sunlight.

 

Truly as the twinkle of stars light

an ancient well-worn path

this bird of prey knows not

to incur an eagle’s wrath.

 

As he soars above all

a surveying menace in his domain

spiraling down to his mate

safely nested his children remain.

 

Thus he journeys far and wide

he will die to shield and defend

his offspring from any calamity

with almighty talons to rend.

 

For she has birthed

the greatest glory to God

majestic and grand

for all to applaud.

 

Then he will teach them

every skill he’s ever known

how to reach the almighty heavens

just as he was shown.

 

For nothing is greater upon this Earth

than reaching Almighty God above

rising above the windswept skies

and receiving His Almighty Love.

The bane of my existence… again…and again…!

To live with cats you must understand one heartbreaking truth: they may be domesticated, but they are a predator in their innermost heart.

I walked through my yard yesterday, to discover the remains, the back half… I must admit, to a tiny newborn bunny. Horrified, I yelled at my cats, “BAD KITTY’S!” and resigned him to my recycle bin, to return to the earth once again.

Ten minutes later I’m at my laptop when I hear a tiny scream, pure terror, from another baby bunny. I run down the hall to discover my largest cat, Twinkie, my Boo, has another baby bunny he’s holding down, and has bitten so severely his intestines are showing. I know he won’t survive, yet I pick him up tenderly in a towel and cradle him as I walk back to my room. After screaming at my Boo, “BAD KITTY!!” He runs out the window, knowing he was a bad boy.

Yet not ten minutes goes by before I hear another tiny scream, and race back down the hall. This time, he is only holding the little baby, but didn’t bite him hard enough to break the skin, yet I see the redness on his tummy, thinking this was how he carried him in the house. This time I not only yell at Twinkie, but I swat his behind as he tries to flee, not quick enough for my anger!

I know, he is only being a cat, but it doesn’t stop my anger. I chase after him, yelling once again, in the hopes that he does not repeat himself. Silly me! I should have known he will always be a cat first, my son second.

I care for the little babies, keeping them warm, get out the old bottle I used to feed these same stupid cats when they were just a few days old, and try to keep them alive. I decide a few minutes later, to take them to a friend of mine who has rabbits, in the hopes that one of hers will mother the tiny babies. I’m sadly disappointed when I learn that none of hers are new mothers, who would have milk, and also to hear the sad truth that they would naturally kill them if I put them in their cage. I did not know Bunny’s have an issue with adoption!

I drive them on to the vet’s office. They can’t be more than a day old, and the nice nurse calls 5 different places trying to find someone who knows how to take care of them, and will take them, but no one will. She then asks the vet if he will euthanize them, so they don’t suffer. I leave, very sad, and return home.

Half an hour later, the scenario is repeated, but I’m quicker this time, and the baby isn’t harmed. I race to save him, and bring him into my room once again, this time snuggling the little baby against my heart so it can hear my heartbeat. I had done this with one of my cats, the runt, and it seemed to give him peace and the strength to keep on fighting. The baby snuggled on my chest for an hour or so, wiggling around, and I tried once again to feed him some milk with the bottle. I even got a warm wet wash cloth, and cleaned him from top to bottom, to stimulate his system, much like his mother would’ve done, but still he wouldn’t take the bottle.

A few hours later, I hear another scream, and cannot believe my cat has done it again. Only this time, the little baby is injured on the inside, and is swelling a bit. I repeat my loving attempts to save another little baby, yet neither will drink the milk.

I realize the bunny must have made her nest directly below my house, and my cat has cleaned it out. I locked him outside for his bad behavior, and he sat dejected and unloved on the deck for hours in a lovely spring rain, looking at the window, waiting for me to let him back in. He knew, he was a bad kitty! I felt bad, but I wanted him to understand, this was not a mouse, which Mommy would reward him for. This was like a bird; and MOMMA did not allow or like birds killed! They all treat me like their momma, because I hand raised them from birth, and they know when I’m upset! Usually by just the tone of my voice, they know. I rarely have ever spanked them unless they are hurting each other, although Missy has been known to fly after peeing on my stove top, for some insane reason only she knows!

Neither babies would take to the bottle and by morning the injured baby was gone. And a few hours later the last little baby bunny was gasping his last breath’s.

It broke my heart to know the Momma bunny had lost all her babies, and I wasn’t entirely sure she was still alive.

I have forgiven Twinkie for his massacre, but now my Lil Misster Kitty is very ill. I have a feeling, he was the first ‘bad kitty’, who had eaten the first little baby bunny. I only found the back half of him, and am now worried my stupid cat ate his skull and it may be lodged in his intestine, or some of the bones are stuck. He looks awful, his fur flat, his eyes empty, and he has been hiding under the house for two days. I finally got him in the house today after I got home from work, and can see he is very sick. If he doesn’t get any better by the morning, I will have to run him to the vet.

Cats… what a pain in the ass, and a true pain in the heart! I’ve been loving on him, letting him snuggle with me, and he is purring, so we’ll see. But for now, remember; you can take the stupid cat out of the wild, but you can never take the wild out of the stupid cat! 

twinkie pic (2)

Twinkie, the mass murderer, guilty as charged!

kits again 003

and Lil Misster Kitty, sicker than a dog!

Teach Them Well

1

 

Teach Them Well

4-17-14

 

the horror He endured

was planned far ahead

by His Father who sent Him

to die for us and said

You are my only Son

full of grace from within

You already love like I do

now go save them from their sin

it will be very painful

but only humanly so

it will last for a few days

in human time far below

but it will be so very shocking

such an amazing thing to do

they will speak of it forever

for Your love will make them new

they will weep and cry out

knowing its so very wrong

it will teach them clearly and well

that they too can belong

through faith and righteousness

they can fill their world with love

and with kindness and forgiveness

that like You… they will rise above

They are killing us…

3

 

…AND our PLANET and we are doing NOTHING to stop it!

This is now in our water source, our gardens and our LUNGS.

If you think this is a normal cloud, you are sadly mistaken.

Why are we letting them kill us and our planet?

We may not know who is paying for it, but we certainly know it’s being done in our military aircraft.

And if they are flying… SOMEONE is ordering it… from the top of the ladder!

This is a perfect example of GEO Engineering folks! PLEASE, lets get together and MAKE IT STOP!!!

after the fall

After the Fall

3-10-14

 

relief

like a leaf

tumbling

over and over

its journey over

piled in grief

becomes belief

warming new life

the pain of rain

slicing into splatter

one last time

but a single fall

giving its all

in a river below

a nourishing flow

a broken branch

becoming fodder

for an otter

to make a home

not rotting alone

a sheltering zone

all

a fall

becoming more

than before

after

what we call

death

No Matter the Darkness

Boring people to tears on a Sunday

I never really wanted to be a preacher

I’d rather be a happy camper example

much like a bubbly first grade teacher.

Filled with love and great joy each day

passing along my happiness and cheer

bouncing around the room like colors

of a rainbow splashed across a mirror.

When I write the truth I smile inside

filled with a sweet holiness to bursting

trying to pass on to those missing out

who plainly to me I see are thirsting.

But this wall they place firmly around

not only blocks out my flowing love

but they don’t see how it isolates them

in a bubble of loneliness also from above.

They don’t need any silly beliefs or faith

they continue to say they’re fine this way

they’ve got money, a nice house and car

a good job, a family and their friends all say,

they’re a nice person just leave them alone

they passed on their useless fortune instead

giving the only thing they thought worthy

then died and were buried with few tears shed.

They passed on nothing of real true value

they left behind an empty cold shell

not realizing their selfishness and determination

would lead them in the end to a cold dead hell.

Sadly they never know that this is not all

they will end at this moment in rotting bugs

when instead they could’ve made one last climb

to spend eternity filled with love and hugs.

They were so sure that this was all there was

just this short 100 years of painful existence

having no idea it was just a short test

to prove they were worthy of God’s Presence.

So each day I continue to shine my light

no matter the darkness I run into each day

my rainbow colors sparkling across the sky

I reach out reflecting in a warm array.

Hoping to teach and reach just one person

my quota low in 5 billion souls unconscious

knowing if I shine bright enough I might save them

from their final death, already paid for by Jesus.

We Are All Just One Breath Away…Love One Another While You Can!

It’s coming up on my friends birthday, and last year we were planning to roar through her birthday, have a real bash, and when I say bash, I mean tear up the town. It would have been her 50th. But she died the week before. Right in front of me. And it was the hardest thing I ever had to endure.

I don’t talk about it much, because it was tragic and awful, and it was the first time I ever had to experience it. But more importantly, I failed horribly. I couldn’t have saved her, I know this, but at the one time in my life when I should have reached out for God, I didn’t. I forgot to turn to God at the most important instant in her life. I’ll never know if things would have turned out differently if I had, but I will never forget the lesson I learned that day.

So I thought I would re-post this poem, in hopes that someone out there will maybe learn from it, or maybe it will help them in some way. We never know just how deeply we can touch someone by sharing our pain, but sometimes it does help. And maybe that’s the point. To share, to learn, to heal…

 

One Breath Away from Eternity

2-2-13

I watched her eyes glaze over,

emptiness filling, yet

getting a bit brighter,

I’ll never forget.

Seconds away from Eternity,

a heart-stopping shock,

feeling her last breath,

my world began to rock.

Did she see His face,

or still just her friends’,

before she came back,

losing herself in pain again?

Did she know what was coming,

as she cried her last words,

seeing a glimpse into beyond,

her meeting with her Lord?

The pain was too great,

it was all she spoke,

I pray for her soul now,

knowing she was broke.

I didn’t pray then, it haunts me,

now knowing what I know,

Forgive me my lost sister,

So I can let go.

They say, this too shall pass,

but that is for me, not her,

it doesn’t help much,

I’ll never be sure…

You were only one breath away,

from an incredible serenity,

I pray for your soul now

to always be loved in my Lord’s Eternity.

 

Happy Birthday my sister

Rest in Peace

Understanding Death

Understanding death to the mature seems normal

they know life comes and goes, they’ve seen it all before.

Parents are destroyed, it’s not how it should ever be

hopes and dreams shattered, hearts broken beyond belief.

Death to a young child is they’re taking a really long nap

or sleeping beside Jesus in a sweet gentle place.

But for an impressionable teen life swerves out of control

trying to find a reason where none will ever be found.

Of course, this can be true at any age.

I wanted to make this into a poem, but just couldn’t

find the words. Maybe one of you will need this right

now, and it will help you in some small way.  If not, I hope

you remember it, for death is different for everyone

and some never seem to get past it.  For some, it alters

their life in drastic ways, breaking them inside ….

some into shards, some splinters, and some into a

million tiny lost bits.  God bring Peace to you all.

the end of the rainbow

The End of the Rainbow

10-31-13

she looks up through the mask

reaches past the pills and needles

towards her final performance

a song of seduction and no refrain

she smiles at the rainbow outside

through the window sealed shut

knowing she doesn’t have long now

she waits for the beeping to still

he crawls towards his new life

as his chair creeps sideways

and pulls it back to drag

his weighted legs in

knowing it was always his choice

to slow on the curves or not

but that day he’d been racing

as anger whipped the wind in his hair

chasing the very same rainbow

she longed to touch just once

yet neither knew the other

in this empty moment hence

but both withered away in time

wasting life on a pot of gold

neither could grasp or lacked

to be truly happy

You Can Find Peace

1aa

 

You Can Find Peace

10-25-13

 

You can find peace looking up at the stars

dissolving in a box like an ice cream bar

You can find peace underneath the dirt

letting the bugs return you to the Earth

You can find peace cremated from within

and spread across mountaintops in a wind

or You can find eternal peace circling above

in God’s Heaven of Glorious looping love

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

wrote this in my dreams last night… don’t know why, but it kept circling around and around, much like the eternal peace you can find… if you truly want to… at the end of this life…

and I truly hope you all do! 

After

After

9-29-13

~~~

grief rises through the dirt

and darkness grows into flowers

for another day another love

has need of its showers

don’t try to stop time

or the grief you feel

it will never stop running

only curve into a kneel

our brief moment here

is filled with sadness and pain

yet joy floods in unexpectedly

like flowers close in the rain

waiting for a ray of hope

shining again like a tiny spark

running colors bleeding together

opening slowly after the dark

Gracefully

Gracefully

9-28-13

 

 good morning wild world

you still look beautiful

through the bruising rain

~~~

pounding in rising waves

of wind fiercely gusting

a spirit just barely sane

~~~

trees swaying to and fro

leaves hanging on weakly

exhaling their last breath

~~~

as the tiny twigs sever

falling freely gracefully

sensing their future death

~~~

the wind catching them

in playful swirls dancing

falling stars in a wild life

~~~

landing softly then spun again

before catching the soil

feeding the circle of life

Wake Up Sheeple!

 

Wake Up Sheeple!

15,000 people die each year due to drug overdoses,

10,000 people die each year due to drunk drivers,

3,000 people die each year at their own hands,

yet no one is upset about these lost souls.

Yes, 3000 people died horribly on this day,

and we will honor them all as we should,

but what really seems to anger us,

is that they dared to harm us on our own soil.

BUT what about ALL the others;

over 6,000 soldiers died in Iraq,

320,000 vets have come home with brain injuries.

That’s a THIRD of our military folks,

and doesn’t INCLUDE THE 1,500 with truly horrifying injuries.

So what shall we do?

Continue to rant and rave about a small number of

psycho’s who did this, this horrifying thing, 12 years ago,

when we have SO many OTHERS to worry about?

To this day, Americans are prejudiced against Muslims,

when few hate all Germans because of Hitler.

Yes, honor the fallen today, THEN TOMORROW,

LET’S HONOR THE LIVING WHO ARE SUFFERING BY

DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT!

WHERE IS YOUR COMPASSION AND FIRE?

WAKE UP SHEEPLE!

WE NEED TO SPEND OUR TIME WISELY AND

TAKE CARE OF OUR LIVING!

Oh, but the horror…

9-11-13

 

Oh, but the horror ringing in our ears

doesn’t come close to our hate and fears.

The injustice wielded and unfairly meted out

didn’t even bring the right change about.

They hoped to achieve a chaotic government reign

but instead achieved multiples of innocent pain.

Corruption still holds true each and every day

changing our world for the better, on a hill they say.

Yet, stalling and greedy they waste valuable time

hiding behind doors concerned with their climb.

Filling our politicians with just more desire

not for truth or honesty, but only to rise higher.

Why bother to compromise and pretend to tolerate

when they know for life they will still be inveterate.

Only caring for their bank accounts to greatly grow

not caring in the least if we already know.

 

Oh, but the horror ringing in our ears

doesn’t come close to the real truth and tears.

a heartbreaking memory

1

A Heartbreaking Memory

8-27-13

~~~

people cry out, the end is here

               appearing in the famine and plagues

with storms raging mounting fear

                         to our greedy haphazard ways

instead of teaching love and giving

               we praise beauty and physical traits

games and vices blur into living

                  and distract us from our holy fates

killing ourselves and all we love

                    thus we will be rolled like a scroll

the earth placed in a tubed glove

                    just a tiny moment in history told

a heartbreaking memory by an old soul

              as a warning not to stumble and fall

awareness is each second you behold

          never miss a moment to love above all

This Morning, August 26th at 12:23 am…..

a 1.0 magnitude earthquake stuck at the center of Mt. Rainier.  You may think to yourself that this is just a tiny earthquake, no need to stress or worry….but….you would be wrong.  This is a massive Stratovolcano, that stands over 14 thousand feet tall, and has a huge hollow magma center directly beneath it’s peak.

This earthquake’s epicenter was at 0.9 km below the surface.  If you understand that Mt. Rainier is the largest mountain in our state, and an active volcano to boot, you would know this is not good.  Any seismologist will tell you, shallow quakes are the worst.

The actual earthquakes though, are the least of your worries.  What you need to understand is the amount of water that is sitting at the top of this volcano, held frozen in “25” beautiful glaciers.Glaciers of Mount Rainier overlaid on a base map LIDAR image, which shows the topography of the volcano.

This is 35 square miles, on average over 100 feet deep of frozen ice, the headwaters to 5 major rivers in our area.

Mount Rainier has an active hydrothermal system, which acts like an acidic sauna that essentially steams the mountain’s rocky interior into soft, gooey clay. The rock eventually becomes so weak that it can collapse under it own weight. This ice does its share of damage, freezing and expanding, slowly eroding the volcanic rocks, and dripping melted water into the acidic interior.  But the resulting collapse becomes a massive lahar, that buries everything in it’s path with mud, water and debris.  There are over 100,000 people living on top of old lahar debris below the mountain.  Lahars can travel at over 20-40 miles per hour!

We have hundreds of earthquakes, daily here in the North West, due to all the fault lines running up and down the coastline.

But if Rainier is waking up, the enormous mudslides and flooding would wipe out tens of 1000’s of acres of land and people, long before any lava flows would reach them.  This isn’t something you can out drive…this is not something you can out run.  This is imminent danger you cannot stop.

Quakes are not a huge problem unless you happen to work in a skyscraper, or may be in the new underground tunnel being dug under Seattle.

The problem that faces the entire Kent, Puyallup, and Tacoma areas is not the tiny earthquakes, but the shallowness of these earthquakes.  The first one this morning was almost 15 km below the surface of Seattle, but the one that hit a few hours ago, was AT THE SURFACE!!!

So were the quakes that hit BC Canada this morning, and just a few hours ago, the last quake was also at the surface.  Surface quakes are much more dangerous for humans, but also can trigger volcanic activity.

Volcanic activity is also known to trigger earthquakes. For example, swarms of small earthquakes, rarely larger than M5, can accompany the upward movement of magma through the Earth’s crust. Also, large volumes of magma that rise from deep within the lower crust to shallower depths are thought to perturb the stress field around a volcano, possibly triggering small earthquakes up to 25 km away.

Deep large magnitude earthquakes can also trigger volcanic activity, either by pulling the land apart and creating venting or by compressing and expanding the magma reservoir pressure. Some seismic waves can even cause bubbles to form, creating “overturn” which means gas poor magma sinks and gas rich magma rises…and rises. 

We have numerous earthquakes we know nothing about, but when they become shallow, and are centered in our largest mountains, and most horrifying of all, our largest volcano, this is when you need to prepare.

I don’t want to scare people, but I do want to warn you, as of this moment, be prepared.  Check your disaster kits, and get them updated if necessary.  To see quakes recorded at under a kilometer below Mt. Rainier is very scary to me…and to be honest, I have a bad feeling about this, or I wouldn’t have bothered writing about it.

Other than all that, have a wonderful evening! 😉

The Shimmering Poison of Greed!

1a

the shimmering poison in the sky

makes me want to hurl and cry

I miss the bright clear clear blue

those arrogant asses have no clue

they’re killing many a life’s dream

I truly want to strangle and scream

those scientists think they know it all

they continue on with so much gall

spraying away night and all day

killing us off they have their way

Alzheimer’s at its greatest high

asthma sufferers quickly die

breathing in these chemicals each day

suffocating our streams and lakes this way

with aluminum carbon monoxide and soot

oh but I would love to swing my foot

food no longer fit to eat

monsanto ruining every seed of wheat

reducing the population over night

hiding in their bunkers in delight

corrupted and greedily full of evil

a true picture of a modern day devil

where will it all end and when

will nature fight back and win

I truly hope its sooner than later

and completely wipes out the true traitor

ruling and murder behind a money grubbing wall

I pray a storm of brimstone buries them all

One Life

7a

Walking through the trees

He had an insecure thought,

do I really need to do this

looking at the men he had brought.

He knew He really had no choice

but to obey His wise Father,

He said goodbye to His Mother,

showed I love you to His Father.

Then just like that…

He gave up his own life

and walked into the evil

giving us a chance for eternal life.

He guaranteed we would live on,

would somehow be very blessed,

and it only took one lifetime,

One day, one everlasting cruel jest.

He was born for this very purpose

He equaled none other

One life, One love, One moment

equaled eternity for another.

how the legend died

2

some stories often read

some spoken softly instead

glory sent to transcend

this unparalleled legend

forever to be told

never to grow old

based in truth

sparked by youth

forged in blood

a ruby red bud

of tortured disgrace

polluting the humane race

crushed beneath the feet

like winter wheat

hung until dried

this was how the legend died

Without Humanity!

1aa

I woke up in the morning to wispy clouds

but soon saw the intruder,

spewing his arrogance and greed clearly

as the evil dumping deluder.

In one path he spews our destruction

yet no one seems to care,

his thoughtless un-planning un-knowing

become my repeated nightmare.

1

Then another strip of life killing chemicals

is spread in an unchallenged dare,

by our own military ordered to comply

as an alien pauses midair.

Does he wonder just how stupid we are

or why we poison our own skies,

or does he wait for the day when no humans

are left to fill us with lies.

1a

The sky clouds over as another shoots up

spraying a third layer of hell,

does the pilot look down with evil also

filling his empty soulless shell.

2

By ten a.m. the fourth arrives blazing

a trail of sun blocking death,

weaving the blanket to suffocate us all

ending our era in the twentieth.

~~

Today I woke up to a hazy sky

almost glittering in a corrupt lethal way,

an overcast of death and destruction

falling on our only home in toxic foreplay.

Our children the last generation to exist

they decided for us its over already,

only the evil will hoard and kill to survive

to carry on without humanity!

Never Again

2

Never, Never … again

     shall the horror strike in flames,

          birds forced to leave their newborns

              to suffer alone in searing pain.

Rising in billows blocking the sun

     killing in crackles of tear sucking heat,

          everything in its path becomes a shell

               baked in itself unable to flee.

Surviving a moment in the trapped beauty

     only to choke in the dense black air,

          like a spider cocooning a butterfly

               but now both their lives rise into thin air.

Simultaneously with screams no one hears

     a billion bugs gone quietly with no tears

          rabbits running circles to a nearby hole

               squealing with the shifting wind it hears.

Death on a scale not to be measured

     but weighed in the emptiness left behind,

          sparking new growth eventually some will

               still the loss of spring’s birth will be pined.

Panic heard in the calls and dead silence

     acres of life gone with the wind,

          dying in an instant of pain and fear

               Never, Never, Never … again.

This morning at around 7 a.m….

2

…as I left the house, my heart sank!  Stopped and took this on my way into work.  Tonight, after destroying 12 acres this morning, the helicopters that were battling it had to be sent south to a huge raging fire that is 20 miles wide now, near Mt. Rainier.  There are many wonderful firefighters who were fighting it on the ground, but DNR is letting it go for now; letting nature be, I suppose, and also because it is traveling straight up the side of the mountain they can’t reach it anymore!  😦   Hopefully soon SOME ONE will send us another helicopter to get it put out!  Please keep us in your prayers, as this could get WAY OUT of control, in a blink!

My beautiful Mt. Si is on fire, folks, and I’d truly appreciate it if….

1

ALL MY FOLLOWERS WHO ARE BELIEVERS IN ALMIGHTY GOD SAY A QUICK PRAYER THAT THE FIRE BURNING ON IT’S EASTERN SIDE IS PUT OUT TONIGHT OR TOMORROW AT THE LATEST!!! 

Not only do I live within 3 miles, but many of my friends live at the base of it, and its been protected from logging since I moved here 20 some years ago!  So it has LOTS of dead natural DRY wood and it’s been really dry here lately!  I LOVE THIS MOUNTAIN and it would be devastating to see it destroyed!

so please, take a moment, and say a quick one for me!!!!

thanks!

His Promise of Hope

 

 

10

On wings of eagles we will rise

leaving behind a multitude of kin;

our love passed down through eons

as full as a meadow of aspen.

Creating a new nature after were gone

one which will sing of His Glory;

from one moon to another blue

rewriting He’ll author a new story.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“They shall go up, winged as eagles,” Isaiah 40:31

“and your bones shall blossom like grass” Isaiah 66:14

“Because just as the new heavens and the new earth, which I will make, shall stand before me, says YHWH, so they shall stand your seed and your name. And it shall come to pass, that from one new moon to another, and from one Shabbat to another, shall all flesh come to worship before me, says YHWH. And they shall go out and see the carcasses of the men who have transgressed against me: because their worm does not die, [{their fire}] will not be quenched; and they shall be an abhorrence to all flesh.”         Isaiah 66:22

Daily Prompt: The Road Less Traveled

Pinpoint a moment in your past where you had to make a big decision. Write about that other alternate life that could have unfolded.

At 20 years old, in the military and single, I stopped at the store for groceries and as I walked down the aisle pushing my cart, I passed out.  Flat on the floor, I woke up to two paramedics kneeling over me.  I sat up, seemed fine and wanted to leave, so embarrassed I wanted to crawl into a hole, and never see this crowd of people again.

They insisted I go to the doctor immediately, so I did.  Nurse Nice, as I called her, was our base nurse and insisted before we do anything, we do a pregnancy test.  Ten minutes later, I was informed I was a mother.  Over 4 months along, I was in serious shock.  Nurse Nice insisted I stay right there, and talked me through the toughest day of my life, which turned into a several hours of emotional upheaval.  I’m ashamed to say I can’t remember her real name, because it’s been 30 years, but I still have the beautiful music box, shaped like a tiny dutch windmill house, that she gave me as a present, to hold onto and give to my child someday.  Funny, but I’ve never once thought to actually give it to him.  He knows about it, but as a guy, it’s not something he would want in his early years, so maybe someday I’ll pass it on to his daughter.

But I will never forget that day.  The sinking feeling, knowing in a heartbeat, due to a heartbeat, I had just altered my life in ways I couldn’t even imagine yet, but knew would be devastating.

The horror of this day, I knew instinctively began due to my stupidity, my mistake of forgetting to take my birth control, about 3 days worth or so.  I remembered that day also, because the love of my life walked into the bathroom as I was just popping them out of the container, and dropping them into the sink.  I had completely forgotten to take them, and in the instructions it said something like, “if you miss a tablet, don’t take it, just continue on with the rest of the pills.  The drug is already in your system from previous use, and taking extras could result in harm…” blah blah blah, and 7% of all women on the pill will still get pregnant anyway.  I had been using the pill for a year or two and never in my wildest dreams had I thought of having a child at my age.  I knew I wasn’t ready.  And I wanted the fairy tale, husband first…!

The gentleman, and I use the term loosely, immediately thought I was trying to get pregnant and trap him into marriage.  To this day, he still believes this is what really happened, but I gave up years ago trying to explain it to him.  When I missed them, I just continued taking them and thought nothing about it until that day.

That day that brought tears, astonishment, joy, sadness, amazement, embarrassment, fear!  Everything all at once, swamping your heart and mind!  It was incredible, to say the least.  The only day more emotional than that, was the day my son was actually born.

But I digress, getting back to the theme of the daily prompt, IF I had chosen differently, the only other options to me were abortion or adoption.  But those options weren’t really available, because I dearly loved the father of my child.  All I could see was the tiny hope that we would somehow be together one day to raise this child.  This beautiful amazing being we both had created, in what I thought was love.

If I had chosen abortion, I know now as a true adult, it would have killed me.  I would never have gotten over it, never been able to walk away from the fact that I knew I had committed murder.  That’s how I feel about it, very strongly, and doubly due to the child already being 4 months along.  I would have never recovered from that.  This I know.  Not only do I know this in my heart, but because several years ago I lost a child, at 5 months along, and it ripped apart my soul.  My heart was shattered, truly into a million pieces, never to be put back together the same again.

Choosing adoption didn’t seem possible to me either; to give away a part of me, of my love, of my family.  I couldn’t do it.  Knowing this child was half me, how could I leave it to chance.  Not that I’m a great mother, or ever was, but there are much worse parents than I out there, and most importantly, the first moment I knew I was pregnant, I knew true love.

Love flooded through me first, then joy, then fear…..

Any other life that could have unfolded wouldn’t have mattered or would have resulted in suicide because I would’ve been miserable.  I would never have recovered.

So I can almost certainly guess what my life would’ve been like if I had made a different decision, it would’ve been hell.  Plain and simple.  Whereas 30 years later I look back and only see a few moments of true hell, the parental kind.  hahaha

Perfect morning… Right up until I turned around and saw this…CHEM TRAILS OVER the CEDAR RIVER WATERSHED!

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Unbelievable folks, they are spraying

chemicals on a beautiful blue sky day 

all over SEATTLE’S

DRINKING WATER SOURCE! 

And many other area’s! 

These are protected lands!  

Trespassing is punishable

by imprisonment! 

So why are we letting these plane’s spray

known hazardous

chemicals all over them??? 

OMG PEOPLE, THIS WAS GOING ON TODAY IN WASHINGTON STATE!!! WE HAVE GOT TO STOP THIS NOW! PLEASE PASS THIS AROUND!! THIS IS HAPPENING ALL OVER THE PLANET.

THERE MUST BE NATO POWERS IN CHARGE OF THIS, BECAUSE IT IS HAPPENING ALL OVER THE PLANET!  THEY ARE KILLING OUR SOIL, OUR AIR, OUR WATER DAILY!  COVERING OUT PLANET IN ALUMINUM OF ALL THINGS!!!!  WE ARE BREATHING THIS, IT IS KILLING OUR SOILS AND WATER….AND NO ONE SEEMS TO KNOW WHO IS DOING IT!!!!!

PLEASE WATCH THE VIDEO BELOW, YOU WILL BE ASTONISHED AND SHOCKED INTO RANTING LIKE ME!!!!  lol

I PRAY EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU TAKE THE TIME TO WATCH THIS…IT IS GEO-ENGINEERING AT ITS WORST!!!!!

AND DEAR GOD, WE HAVE TO STOP IT NOW…BEFORE THEY DESTROY EVERYTHING!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jf0khstYDLA&feature=share

Remember the Fallen today, along with ALL your Blessings!

he stood in a muffled vacuum

silently watching them creep

like ants after a bug

he was the bug

it took an hour to inhale

one breath

one hopeless plea

see one last memory

flash across his eyes

his daughter’s curls

ringed in gold light

kissing her pink cheek

appearing without summons

from the depths he now new

were unescapable

head swiveling slowly

he thought,

Dear God Help ….

but it wasn’t necessary

before he exhaled

he was standing

face to face

watching the ache

how do you help your child

when they’re grown and larger than you

hurting deeply you know how they feel

there is nothing you can really do

you can’t rock them to sleep

you can’t sing them a lullaby

you can’t fix this enormous boo-boo

with a band-aid or cookie high

watching them ache torn apart

their understanding is gone

your own empathetic heart

aches for them to be strong

losing a friend at any age

rips open into a festering sore

altering their reality in shocking pain

a parent’s love can’t fix anymore

the valley

He held my hand

as we walked along

through a rolling pasture

in a valley of afternoon shade

to a pond deeply green

silent as it listened

this was where

He laid down

looking up at the sky

in wonder

I followed of course

so He showed me

His path of love

the one with lights

restoring hope

no longer yearn

I lay there at peace

as the darkness

fled my soul

I had no fear

He was with me

looking up at the sky

in wonder

in the valley

of the shadow of death