I am King of the River Rocks. I’ll have you know, this one I have possessed is
twice my height, yet I rule because I am twice as tall in stature. I have been
helping my human dig for gold; thus we will soon be very rich and I will hire my
own personal Sherpa and no longer have to jump 3 foot tall tree trunks lying in
my path, or get my feet wet when it’s cold out. I have conquered these lowly
river rocks, repeatedly marking them with my own personal brand. My work here
is done. Although I am embarrassed to admit I have a dirt mustache, I am still
available if needed for all sloppy kisses. Just come closer… no closer.