I went in search of something, I wasn’t really sure what. I ended up at the top of mountain, sat down, leaned against a rock and thought; This is what God see’s, from His point of view. Every thing so tiny, colorful, yet we only see about 1% of the color spectrum, so I thought He must see even more glory. I inhaled slowly, inhaling the brisk, even the molds and damp grasses tickled my nose, the heather just starting to purple. I hear birds calling to me, and wonder what they say; go away, go away. My mind continues on, I let it ramble, ignoring all the junk in my life, down there. I’m above it, I think. Rise above it, I think, and look upwards naturally following my own thoughts.
I finally notice the glow nearby, off to my left, the clouds are almost burning. It startles me out of my mundane thoughts, and I begin to watch it closely. The white is blinding, yet yellows glow even brighter, just as a voice says to me, “I Am here.”
I nearly crack my head open, jerking back into the rock, the pain waking me to instant reality. In a tiny voice, I choke out, “Hello…Father.”
“I love you.”
“I love you.”
My heart has stopped beating, I’m gasping for air; I think I’m going to have a heart attack. Then my Father says, “Calm, child. Calm.”
I force myself to slow my breathing, feel my heart slowing down a tiny bit, then spit out foolishly, “Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.” For some reason, I think if I’m going die, I better be ready. And this is the only line that pops into my head. I could swear I hear laughter. Deep, chuckling laughter, like my own biological Father would have sounded. It eases me a bit, pretending the voice is my own Father’s, putting my mind to rest that I may not be dying after all. Hearing what I think is my biological father’s voice actually reassure’s me, even though he passed many years ago, and a part of me knows it’s not him. It doesn’t occur to me that he’s here to usher me on… instead it calms my nerves, perfectly.
My mind starts racing, I’m talking with God, what do I say, what do I want to ask Him? The one question I’ve always wanted to know, I ask, “How did you do all this?” I look at the valley below me, the mountain peaks still covered in snow, the rivers coming together like huge snakes meeting at the bend around a hill.
“I Am.” was all He said. Well, duh, I thought. I heard the laughter again, and smiled, knowing He had read my thoughts.
“Because… we’re idiots. We’re destroying it ALL.”
“I create moment by moment, second by second, eternity by eternity.”
“But why us?”
“Why not? Why the bee’s? Why the cougar? I have a grand imagination, just as you.”
I was getting frustrated. I don’t know what kind of answers I wanted or expected, but these were just not detailed enough. Staring into the bright yellow light for too long, I looked away to blink, the dot blocking my vision. When I looked back the clouds were swirling. The yellow was growing, churning, and getting larger. I looked West into the sun, realizing I needed to head down soon, or I’d be hiking in the dark. But how could I possibly leave as long as God was right here, talking to me like my next door neighbor? I know instantly, He will make sure I get home safely, so I relax a bit again, back against the rock, and think.
I’d been reading this crazy conspiracy story yesterday about what actually happened after 9-11, and the scripture it kept referencing was Isaiah 9:7, so I asked Him, “Lord?”
“Yes, my child.”
“Is it true, what I read in that book yesterday, about the scripture of Isaiah?”
“The word is always true, when I give it.”
“Is the word in the Bible true? All of it?”
“True as they saw fit to write about it.”
“But was it Your Word?”
“It was inspired by My Word.”
“Well, what should we do: should we be Jewish, or Christian, or Catholic or Muslim or…..or what?”
“You should Be Love.”
“Do we have to believe in Jesus, to go to Heaven?” I know these were childish sounding questions, to even me, but I had to get as many questions in as possible, as I didn’t know how long I had to talk to God like this. My mind was racing, chasing every single thought I had ever had about God and Jesus around in circles in my brain. I placed my hand over my heart to calm it, hearing the word “Calm” again, this time inside my head.
“Do you believe in Me?”
“Well, yes, of course.”
“Do you understand what it means to be Holy?”
“Umm, pure, honest, good, loving, kind…” I answered in a half-hearted attempt. Because really, what does Holy mean? In my eyes growing up in a Christian based dousing of beliefs, no one had ever explained to me what Holy really was. The purest of pure … what?
“Holy means I AM. To be I AM you must Be Love. I AM HOLY LOVE.”
“You are pure love? That’s what I AM means? I thought it was ‘the all knowing being’ or something.” I smile along with His laughter again.
“You have more wisdom than you share.” Ouch, I got that. Ok, straighten up, ask proper questions, don’t anger Him whatever you do.
“So many other religions don’t believe in Jesus, are they wrong?” I asked.
“I have sent many Profits, Teachers, even Yeshuah to help you. Even He couldn’t make you see the Light.”
“Have you given up on us?” I started to pray in my head that He wouldn’t say no, then realized I was about to pray to Him, who was right here, and added, “Please don’t give up on us.”
“Oh thank G… God. Thank You.” This is weird. Really tripping me out. I so want to pull out a cigarette, but think I will be struck by lightning if I do, so I wring my hands instead, cross my legs and sit up, preparing myself for what I really want to know.
“May I ask another question?”
“What am I supposed to be doing?”
“You already know, My child.”
“Exactly what your heart is telling you to do.”
“But what it’s telling me to do, is spread your Word, and I’m trying to do that. Don’t you want me to do anything else? Start a church; hold rallies; be a conduit for You to heal people; scream it from the mountain tops, what?”
“I want you to follow your heart, and Be Love.”
“But that’s so easy. I do that all the time.”
I had to stop for a moment, and admit to myself, no, not always. Not even most of the time. But I had been trying. For several years now, I had been trying to find the truth about God and Yeshuah. Both… oh, now I know what I have to ask.
“Are you the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost? All three, yet One?” This answer alone could shock the world, if I were to repeat it. So I waited with out breathing for His answer.
“I AM HOLY! I AM LOVE! Do you understand?”
“Yes, sort of.”
“No matter the name you put to it, the teacher who teaches it, the follower who follows it, or the script you try to write about it, Love is truly all that matters.”
“So don’t waste my time on worshiping Yeshuah, just focus on You?”
“Yeshuah taught you to Love I Am First, did He not?”
“Yes, He did.”
“Is Yeshuah My Son?”
“Yes,” I answered. I truly believed He was. I could answer that honestly, because Yeshuah was the ONLY man in all of human history who had walked the Earth in pure love. Others had tried. Others had said they were, but they weren’t. For some reason, I have no idea what, but in my heart I truly believed this. He was special. Different from profits that have come and gone.
“Is the Holy Spirit my Word?”
“Yes.” I answered, half guessing this time, because I still believed they were three separate things.
“It is My Breath, My child. Yeshuah is My blood. So yes, We are I Am.” He stopped for a moment, and I stood up to draw a bit closer to the edge of the mountain, drawn to the light mesmerizing me, and sat at His feet, or what I thought were His feet.
“Was He the Truth, the Light, the Way?”
“Everything He taught was truth and light. His way is My Way.”
I felt very close to God at this point, sitting there looking up at Him. Or at His clouds, with fire in them. It didn’t matter what He looked like, I knew in my heart with out one single doubt that I was talking to God. So I asked him, like I might my own Father, “Are you disappointed in us?”
At this point I wasn’t sure if He meant He was, or if He was saying again that He was Love. So I said, “Is it near the end?”
“Every second is an ending and a beginning. BE LOVE! HOLD LOVE! BEHOLD, LOVE! Every second of your life. Then your end will not matter or concern you. There is no tomorrow. There is no yesterday. They are only in your imagination. There isn’t even ten minutes from now. There is only NOW. Every second of your life, Behold, Love.”
I paused here to think a minute, because I couldn’t get that nagging book out of my mind, so I asked Him again, “So like in that Isaiah scripture, that matches up so nicely to current events, and the Judgment you brought against them, will that happen here in the US? Have we removed You from our nation? Denied You repeatedly? Are we facing Your Judgment right now, just like they did?”
“You are one second away from all Eternity, every second of the day. Your Judgment will come when you stand before Me.”
“But have we angered You? Have we pushed You away so far, we face Your Judgment now, like in the scripture, ‘You remove the wedge of safety, You let the terrorists in, through the wall.’ Our leaders have stood and quoted that scripture, like morons, NEVER KNOWING the whole story behind it, and how each time they said WE WILL REBUILD they were only defying YOU! Repeatedly copying that scripture to the letter; they replaced the debris with a new cornerstone, the Sycamore/Fig tree was ripped up from the roots, and then they actually planted a Conifer tree in that same spot, just like a cedar, defying You again! Not once knowing they were fulfilling that ancient scripture. I just can’t believe we’re safe from Your Judgment after they vowed repeatedly to defy YOU, knowing our leaving You is our real problem, and so we did what just they did. Rebuilt higher walls, keep doing the evil shit we’re doing, and blaming it on terrorism.”
“I Am. If there is but one of you left, after the chaos you have wrought that Loves, My Mercy will cover you.”
“So individually, if we don’t believe as some do in the US, in greed, and hate, and murder, we’ll be fine.”
“If you Love, in ALL that you do, you will become love. As you become love, you become Holy. As you become Holy, you become I Am.”
“What if we don’t?”
“When you stand before Me, you will have all eternity to think about it.”
I laughed at that, and heard Him chuckle again. God had a sense of humor. He was not only pure love, but He laughed. That alone made me feel so safe and secure. Why, I don’t really know, except that I had an odd sense of humor myself, so maybe I was just relating to it. Or God actually was like my Father. So caring, so forgiving, so very loving.
I AM His child. I may be half way through my human life, but in His eyes, just like my biological Father’s, I will always be His child.
“Thank you SO much God, for all that You do for me … daily, minute by minute, I can’t even begin to thank You enough.”
“I know. I Am. Now go write a new script about Love. Be love. And know I will always Love you!”
“Yes, Father. Will You give me the Words?”
“I always do.”
I laughed again, tears eking out the corners of my eyes. I felt so good inside, I wanted to stay for ever just chatting with God, but He said, “You must go, or I will have to carry you… again.”
I laughed again, just couldn’t quit grinning up at God, just sat there basking in this wonderful overflowing Love for a minute or two. Finally I signed and asked, “You’ve been carrying me for years, and years. I hope You have one of those back braces, or something?”
“I’ve held worlds in My Hands; you, My child, are like a butterfly’s kiss. A precious butterfly I cherish.”
I stood up brushing off my pants, and smiled hugely up at the clouds, and said as I slowly backed away, just like I always do to my own sons as they head out the door, “Love you SO much.”
God answered, “Love you more.”
~~~~Scripture referenced is Isaiah 9:7 to 9:11 Quoted from Qumran Isaiah Scroll:
(7) The Lord sent a word upon Jacob and it fell in Israel. (8) And the people know, all of them, Ephraim and the inhabitants of Samaria in the pride and largeness of heart saying: (9) The bricks are fallen but with hewn stones we will build. The fig trees are cut down but we will change them to cedars. (10) And YHVH will set on high the enemies of Rezin against him and his foes. He will gather together (11) Syrians from the east and the Philistines behind and they shall eat up Israel with open mouth. For all this His anger is not recalled but His hand is still outstretched.