Plumber Butt

Plumbers are the worlds greatest scammers.  If by chance as he walks up to your home he sees all 4 of your cats lounging about, he immediately thinks, ka-ching!  He knows, the amount of cat hair coming out of that sink drain would be enough to weave a carpet large enough to fill his house.  And he’s thinking, I need new carpet.  This call should just about cover it.

They say the estimate is free, praying on your guilt; knowing you will feel awful having to call another plumber, when this one is standing right here in your kitchen, ready to go…here for you, baby!

Then as he gazes lovingly at the maze of cabinets he gets to climb through to get to the pipes, he thinks, Berber with 2 inch padding, hell ya!

He already knows from the phone call that someone else has been there and tried, and he will need to break out the big one.  The big bad Anaconda snake he’s got ready and waiting, to serve you!  You need a big one Momma?  You got it!

He will most likely charge me by the foot, because he has to turn that little knobby thing all that way….for at least 50 feet.  Round and round: are ya checkin’ out these guns?

He sees the disgustingly dirty bowl trying to catch any leaking water; with curdled something cowlike in the bottom, that’s been getting chewy now for about 4 days.  There are dirty dishes on every counter, piled to the upper counters, so he knows I’m desperate.  HE KNOWS!!

I’ve been dealing with this for 4 days, trying different things, making it worse, yet all he has to do is snake the stupid drain from the kitchen to the bathroom..and beyond if necessary.  Just snake.  He can see the drain piece is laying on the counter, the pipes are hanging below, since the draino shit I tried ate through the seal on it.  He sees the disaster, that I know can be fixed cheaply, right after I take the draino shit back and scream at the Ace Hardware Man!  I may be a female, but I am very handy with tools, I’ve remodeled just about every inch of my house, with the exception of plumbing or wiring, because I don’t usually have all the tools.  Not because I can’t figure it out.  I’ve changed toilets out and electrocuted myself; I leave those to others on purpose.

No, I do not need you to add in fixing the sink drain.  No! I do not want an inspection afterwards with a stupid camera.  I do NOT want to see the inside of my drain pipe; are you daft?

“But we may need to give it a treatment afterwards.”

“A fucking what?  You think my pipe needs to relax?”

I know what he’s referring to, just am not in the mood for this bullshit.

Finally after much todo about nothing, like I already know where we’re headed here, with the “..we’re not the highest, and we’re not the lowest.”  Just hand me the estimate douche-nozzle.

“$379.00 before tax/fee’s?”

“This includes our warranty.”

“You’re gonna guarantee me that with 4 cats this isn’t gonna happen again?”

He starts yammering on, but I cut him off, with a polite, “No, thank you.  I’ll go rent a stupid snake.  I’ve got sons who can do this.”

“Oh, o o oh, well…”

“Thank you,” as I shew him towards the door.

In that case, let me just look under your sink once more, make sure I have my flashlight, and stand up saying,

“How about I just snake it, get you up and running, for $150, plus tax and fees?”

“Really?”

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