Blank Space ~ the end

“Oh dear God, Tommas, are you ok?”

“Yea, just give me…a sec.”

“I was just going to call 911.”

“I’m ok.  I … I need a nap.”

“Ok, baby, here,” she said as she helped him up, unsteady, he leaned heavily on her.  By the time they reached the kitchen, he shrugged her off, embarrassed, but strong enough to walk on his own, and went to his room.  He laid down heavily, breathing deeply, tying to slow his heartbeat.  Then he rolled over to grab his back pack, pulling his lap top out, and rolling back again in one quick urge.  He sat still for a minute, then opened his laptop, and turned it on.  He was afraid he would forget the vision, so he had to write it down.  He reached behind his head to smoosh the pillow under his shoulders, and sat up half way.  Then he began to type.

Chris looked in about half an hour later, saw him sleeping, with the laptop still open on his stomach.  His head was tilting to the right; his hands still on the keyboard.  She tip-toed in, slid the laptop out from under his hands, and left the room, shutting his door.  She laid it on the kitchen counter, and pulled her phone out of her back pocket, to text the store and let them know she wouldn’t be in today.  She needed to be here.  She was so worried, so filled with horrible ideas of what was happening to her son.  She was truly terrified.  This blank space was going to ruin his life, my baby!

Grabbing a cup of coffee, she pulled out one of the bar stools at the kitchen counter, and hopped up, setting down her coffee and pulling the laptop towards her.  She read:

After meditating for about five minutes, I was at my highest pitch humming, vibrating the chakra that’s for my brain.  My normal view behind my eyeballs is a red color, pink sometimes, orange.  Today, I went from orange to bright bright red, then all the sudden my mind pictured the beam of light coming down into the top of my head.  I didn’t even think it, it just appeared…  BAM MOFO!  Nearly knocked me on my ass.  I was already sitting, tho, but it was like an explosion!  I sat there, holding my breath, remembered to breath and began humming again, this time the light was only red, and then white, so bright, my eyelids squeezed shut tight.  Then in the bright light, a black center started coming towards me, getting bigger and bigger, until I saw it was the dragon head, black this time, with red glowing eyes.  Coming towards me, getting bigger, then it stops all the sudden, the bright light gets brighter, if that was possible, and a SUPER FKN bright beam of light ZAPS the shit out of the dragon head.  It shatters into a million pieces.  I see the pieces fly, in slow motion, one lands at my feet, and as I look closer and closer at it, it’s getting bigger and bigger, and is a chunk now, instead of a tiny piece.  I am staring down at the chunk when it vibrates with this deep sound…and I swear, I thought it said, “Poison.”  It didn’t talk, IT DIDN’T, I swear, but it vibrated and I THINK I heard it say poison.  WTF!!!! 

Chris pushed the laptop away, closing the lid.  She sipped on her coffee thinking about what he wrote.  He didn’t think I would believe him!  It hurt her feelings to think he couldn’t trust her.  That he could possibly think she wouldn’t believe him.  It was a vision, anything could happen.  She stared across the room, looking up at the portrait framed of her and Tommas when he was about 4 years old.  It was her favorite of all the pictures in the house, because you could easily see he was giggling.  He had been at the time the picture was taken.  The photographer was great, he had this orange and black tiger, that made funny noises when you wiggled it back and forth.  Tommas had laughed so much that day he had tears streaming down his face in a few other shots.  It almost brought her to tears, sipping her coffee, remembering that day.

Her mind continued to wonder, about three more seconds before her motherly instincts took over and she thought about her child, childhood, poisons, mercury, mercury poisoning, no, he hasn’t been exposed to any mercury, wait, mercury is a poison in its natural form, so were other rocks, her mind kept churning, his rocks, his fucking rocks!  The dragon!!  She jumped up, and hurried back to his room, creeping in and going over to his rocks, the ones in the window.  And there it was, the dragon head.  She picked it up, and quietly left his room.

She opened the laptop again, turned it back on and set the rock down.  She walked over to the sink and washed her hands, before coming back around the counter to sit and type on the laptop.  She googled “pictures of poisonous rocks in their natural state.”  Then took a sip of coffee before looking closely at his rock.  She noticed how his rock seemed very weathered, like the river had hollowed out layers inside the rock.  It was probably why he liked carving it so much, because he could etch easily into the crumbling flakes and create the dragon face.

Her mind was exuberant and wouldn’t shut up.  SCREAMING AT HER…why didn’t you think of this first?  Kids die of lead poisoning to this day… from old wall paint.

Google brought back many items to choose from, she chose the site for the VCU’s geology department, and after it popped up, she began to scroll through the pictures.  Four pictures later, there it was…CINNABAR!  Mined with Mercury.  She scrolled down to read its description, and what kind of poison it was, and there in black and white it stated:

“… can cause severe seizures, shaking, tremors, loss of time, loss of sense, and daily exposure can lead to death within 6 months…”

Oh my GOD!  It makes perfect sense!  She jumped up, scrambled around the corner again, and frantically searched for a tupper-ware container with a lid.  She finally found one after two fell from the cabinet and almost hit her, once bouncing freely off the counter and across the floor.  She grabbed the oven mit and picked up the rock, placed it in the container, and then shook off the mit so she could put the lid on.  She made sure it was sealed.  Then she stood back looking angrily at the container.  OH MY GOD!  Of all the stupid things.  6 months!  Oh my God!

Chris felt a huge weight lift off her shoulders, knowing deep down that “yes” this was the answer, she just knew it, and she looked up, closing her eyes, and said out loud,

“Oh Dear God, please let this be it.  Please, I beg of you, please let this be the answer.  I praise your Holy Name, and … thank you for telling Tommas what it was… he might not believe it talked, but I do.  I believe You told him…..  Thank you God!  Thank you!”

Three weeks later, they were called into the doctor’s office for the test results, something they had mistakenly not bothered to test for specifically.  Evidently, the two specialists they had went to had written him off as most likely Autistic, just never documented before, without bothering to tell her this was their real thoughts.  They hadn’t been able to determine if he was or not, because he hadn’t shown any other known markers, so they had decided not to commit one way or the other.  After the nurse explained this little bit of gossip, she had decided she wouldn’t be recommending either to any one she knew.

Dr. Fred came in the exam room like a turtle out of his shell a few seconds after they were seated; Tommas on the exam table, swinging his legs like a kid.  Ever since they had boxed up the Cinnabar, he hadn’t had one episode.  Both Tommas and Cindy were sure this had been his problem, but Cindy needed the reassurance of the doctors, to tell her it was over.  She needed to hear them say, “It’s over.”

He said,

“Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but there isn’t a trace of poison’s in his blood, that we could find.  We also went back to the original data from the samples we took back 5 months ago, and there was no sign of mercury poisoning or any other poisons.”

“What?”  Cindy asked, her heart sinking.

“No Way!” Tommas said in shock.  He had gotten his hopes up only to be stomped on.

“Yes, I’m sorry to say.  But you said you haven’t had any episodes for three weeks now?”

“Well, more like two, two and a half.”

“Well, that’s good news.  Right?”

“Yes of course, Doctor, but what are we gonna do now?  You’ve tested him for everything under the sun.”

“Yes, and that’s why I wanted you to come into today.  I think we really need to move forward on this, and have him see a friend of mine, a Dr. Jackson, he’s over in Weston, it’s only about a 3 hour drive…”

“Are you kidding me?”  Cindy had enough!  She was ready to kick this jerk in the shins.  “I will not take my son to some shrink, when his problem is NOT mental issues.  Look, you FORGOT to test for poisons, YOU seem to have decided he’s a mental case, so WHAT ELSE have you NOT bothered to test him for?”

“Now, now, settle down…”

“No, Fuck this!  Fuck that!  You’re the one who’s crazy, a fucking quack if you ask me!”  Tommas said angrily, hopping off the table and heading for the door.  “I’m NOT CRAZY!!”

“We’re done here,” Chris said through tight lips, “but he’s right, you’re the one who needs help, needs to go back to school and get a degree!”

They stormed out into the hallway, and found their way back to the waiting room, slamming the outer door after Tommas looked around the waiting room and said loudly,

“You all need to find a new doctor….he’s a fucking quack!”

Stepping out into the sunshine, they both looked at each other, and laughed out loud.  Relief pouring out; from taking all their frustrations out on the doctor.

They head for home, neither saying much along the way.  Cindy was a bit embarrassed by her actions, and was pretty glad she wouldn’t have to ever go back to him again.  She said a quick, “Forgive me Father,” for her actions in the doctor’s office.  But she couldn’t help but think they were wrong, and maybe a bit justified.  Then again, she had pinned her hopes on the stupid rock, thinking it would soon be all over.  Tommas seemed to be getting better, too.  Her heart began to sink, inch by inch as they drove home.  It had finally rested when it reached her uterus.  Snuggled warmly there, she sighed heavily and turned into their driveway.

A week later, after dinner, they talked while Tommas looked at university’s again.  He was telling her he had decided on a school, if she thought they could afford it, when he looked up and saw she was looking at him with a funny questioning look on her face.

“What?” he said.

“Huh?” she asked.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“I don’t know, like what?”

“Like your confused.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, honey, I was just thinking…praying in my head, that you’re gonna be ok now.  I haven’t been able to think about you having a future for months.  I know that sounds bad, but, I’m having a hard time believing your ok now.”

“I feel fine Mom.  Really.  I know it was the rock.  I just know it, no matter what that stupid doctor says.  My vision was so cool, so vivid, I could see everything so clear.”

“But what if it is something else.  Just waiting to strike again?”

“No, I’m sure of it.  You’re the one who wanted me to meditate Mom.  See if my own body could tell me what was going on.  In my mind, it did.  Very clearly.  I know what I saw and heard.”

“But its an enhanced reality honey.  It has to be interpreted.  What if we interpreted it wrong?”

“Oh well.  I’m going on with my life.  I feel great.  I’ve been meditating on my art, the human mind, and stuff like that, and I keep seeing things, things that I can’t explain, but they make sense.  Like the other day I had a vision of a great rock, I was circling it, trying to carve it, but it was really hard, like solid cobalt, a huge column in the desert.  I had been focusing on understanding God, like your God, the Christian one you believe in, and I was humming “show me” and this huge rock appeared.  I kept circling it, looking for the right spot, or something.  When all the sudden the rock shivered and cracked right in front of me.  A huge crack, that started low and slowly grew until it was more like an etching, slowing evolving in my vision.  It became the wing of a huge bird, feathers cracking into place.  I stepped back and to my left, and the rock now continued back into the mountain, it was no longer a column.  The entire back side was the rest of this huge Phoenix, with the original column now a bent wing.”

“Wow, that’s a cool vision.”

“So as I was having the vision, I kept hearing the rock crack, and grumble, like dried paint sounds when you step on it.  I thought I heard it cough and crackle words, like ‘rise’, and ‘I AM the rock’.  You know, how we do it to hide a bad word?”  To demonstrate further he coughed and said “fuck” at the same time.

Cindy smiled hugely at that, and said,

“Jesus says He is “the Rock” several times in the Bible.  The foundation of all things.  Sturdy and firm, you can rely on Him.”

“Oh cool.  See it makes perfect sense, even to you.  My visions are telling me things.  Its like, I can trust them… why would they lie?  Although I thought it meant that God was the rock, as in everything I carve, He’s a part of it.  Like my inspiration.”

“It could easily mean just that.  Oh, Tommas, you’re right.  I don’t know why I needed the doctors to make a diagnosis.  I should have just prayed for God to handle it, and let it go.  Trusted Him, ya know.  I guess I should meditate more often.  Find my own answers, like you are.  You’re so smart, sweety!  Sometimes you blow my mind.”

Tommas laughed, and when Cindy got up out of her recliner and plopped over the back of the couch Ninja style and landed next to him; they both laughed.  He turned the laptop towards her so she could see the school he wanted to attend: VCU, Virginia Commonwealth University, rated top in the country; and literally, right down the road.

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