Ms. Bea Elsa Bobb

“Said one horse to another, ‘Hay, wanna go for a ride?'”

“Is that all you got?”

“How about kiss my ass?”

“That would be a donkey, dumbass.  Lets get outta here.  Too many freakin’ old people.”

They slipped around the corner of a building, out of sight of the teacher.  She was an evil being, from Hell they figured, the way her black eyes would watch you from under her dark caterpillar brows.  Everything out of her mouth was mean and nasty, except when another adult was around.  He’d tried to explain it to his Mom again the other day, and even though she was frowning when he got done, no matter how many times he complained, she still only said,

“I’m sure you’re exaggerating, sweetheart, but I’ll look into it.”

The people streamed by them, they melted into the crowd, but they didn’t worry about ditching the field trip, because she hoped they would get kidnapped by some pervert, or were forced to work in some ‘horrifying sex trade’ place, like she had described earlier before they left the classroom.  She said she wouldn’t even notify our parents until the kidnappers had hours to get away.  She was pure evil, and there was nothing any of us kids could do about it.  We had all tried at one point or another to get out of her class, a few even got detention just to get out every so often and breathe the fresh air.  It was stale cigarette smoke, burning your eyes, making you cough, giving Erin asthma according to her, and no one smoked in the room.  It followed her like a mist of hate.  The parents didn’t see it for some reason, but all the kids did.  They knew.  They all saw the black and felt it like a blanket draped over your shoulders.  It was tiring just to sit in class.  We had all tried, repeatedly nagging our parents, but none would listen because she was different when adults were around.  Totally!

They walked the 4 miles back to the school, got their backpacks and head for home.  It was spaghetti night, and Theo acted like he loved his Mom’s spaghetti.  She had to start making more and more, as each week Theo seemed to eat more and more.  Mom worried he wasn’t getting any food at home, but I knew better, he was a freaking pig.  That was all.  He didn’t LOVE spaghetti, he loved packing his face with food.  His dream of being a linebacker included a strict schedule of eating, eating and sitting.  Pig.  He had Mom convinced, so there was no use trying to fight it.  Plus he always had my back, with a freaking wall.

Theo lived above me in the apartment on the corner, with the cool corner balcony, so he could throw shit at me when ever he went outside.  We played football this way, tennis, baseball, only not so much anymore after he blasted the corner window.  Sara made it against the law to throw anything hard, with jail time cleaning everyone’s toilets!  She wasn’t kidding.

They went inside together,

“Wanna come over?”


His Mom was doing dishes, she turned to see who was coming in.

“Oh my, look at you two all grumpy faced.  I made Texas Chocolate Bars.  But… they cost, big time.”

“How much?”

“Lets see… how about 3 Getup’s… each.”


“Yep, those bars…oh you’d think you were drowning in chocolate, ahhh, I already had two.”  Mom said and giggled.



Mom dried her hands and shewed them to the table, taking the spatula and snagging one for each of them.  They had green napkins this week in the middle of the table, so they each snagged one before Mom had to remind them about stupid crumbs.

After a few bites, I said,

“I can’t stop thinking about it, Theo.  There has to be some way we can prove she’s evil to everyone, and get her out of school.  I can’t stop trying to think of ways we could prove it.”

Mom stopped going round and round the blue plate with the sponge, and asked,

“Bad day honey?”

“Yea Mom, we just walked home from town just to get away from her!  Why can’t you EVER believe me.  Why DON’T you believe me?  Why would I lie.  Why would I make up this kind of shit?”

“You watch your mouth, I have a bottle of Dawn right here.”

“Tell me then, WHY don’t you believe me?”

Mom didn’t answer, she went back to washing a minute, so I said,

“You should’ve heard what she told us before we left on the field trip!  DO YOU KNOW what a PERVERT IS?  Or what the “Horrifying Sex Trade” is???  Well, we do.  She explained it in detail!”

Mom was frozen in time.  I think she even stopped breathing.  She didn’t approve of TV let alone mentioning the word SEX.  She slowly turned and looked me straight in the eyes, and asked,

“Are you telling me the truth?”  I said very quietly, so she’d know how serious I was,

“Yes, Mom!”


“Yes!  Just no one believes us, cause she pretends when you guys are around.”

“What about the dark mist of evil, you both said you see?”

“We do!” They said in unison.

“Now see, that’s where you lose me.  I just can’t believe that.  So why would I believe the rest?”

I couldn’t believe Mom didn’t believe me, so I said,

“Because she’s fucking evil.”  I got up and went to my room, before she could send me.  Theo looked at my Mom and quietly added,

“Why would we make it up?  We get good grades, it’s not like we’re ditchin’ class and stuff.  How often do we ever lie to you?” He looked genuinely hurt, just for a second before he turned to make his exit.  He thought, I should be in movies! Hell, Yea!

Mom just stood there, lost in thought, so Theo followed me to my room.  He shut the door softly, and sat on my bed, and said,

“She’s thinking.  It’s a start.  I should be in freakin’ movies!”  He laughed.

“Yea, we’ll see.  Wanna head to the river, get the hell out of here?”


Both were busy for the next two days outside looking for leaves for their Fall Project, just an excuse to get out of the house they figured, and didn’t have a chance to bring it up again, without making Mom angry.

She worked hard, standing on her feet all night, at a bar down town that was open 24 hours.  BushWhackers, obviously named by the bathroom doors.  A real classy place.  With classy people pissing her off most days.  Men treat women like dogs!  I’ve heard that statement about 250 thousand times since I was about 5.

The next morning, Theo came early, and Mom called us into the bedroom and said,

“Oh, I need some coffee and toast.  Could you two get it for me?”



The brownies were almost gone, and it was just beginning.  I made the coffee and Theo made six pieces of toast, so we could both have some too.  I took her the coffee, then had to go get cream and sugar, another “get-up”.  Ha, scored there, and she didn’t even realize I did it on purpose.  Two down one to go.

Theo took her the toast, grinning, and asked sweetly,

“Did you want Jam?”

Mom grinned and said,

“No thank you!”

We said goodbye, and slowly made our way to school.  Each step drew us closer, drawing us down into the pit of depression.  Theo said,

“Shit, wanna ditch today?  What’s the worse that could happen?  We get detention.”

“No, can’t.  Mom was on the phone yesterday with some lady, and I heard her say “school”, so maybe we better go today.  In case she set up some meeting or something.  I don’t wanna screw it up, by ditchin’.  I get the feeling she’s on our side.”

“Shit.”  This was his reply to most everything.  Theo always said it to sound older, like he was just short and fat for his age.   His older brother Thomas would’ve been in Jr. High this year, if he hadn’t died two years ago at the lake.  So, as the man of his house he was always trying to sound like he was older.  But, he just sounded stupid to me.

Around 10:00 a.m. class was interrupted when a sad little girl was ushered in by the principle, introduced as Mary Monty.  She looked awful, sick to her stomach, face flushed, hair messy, dark circles around her eyes;  she had a big stupid looking daisy pin on her blouse, that was pulling her shirt to the side.  She also carried a huge bag, which she sat on her desk to hide behind; until Ms. Bobb slapped it off her desk.   I felt bad for her, thrown into the Abyss on her first day at a new school.  Theo and I had been studying up on Hell in our spare time at the Library.  We thought maybe we could come across a spell to kill Ms. Bobb with.  But no luck so far.

After school that day, we decided to hit the Library for reference books on Paleolithic Man and snoop in the Evil isle, and didn’t arrive back at home until 5:30 p.m.  Mom was sitting in the livingroom with Mary Monty beside her on the couch, and a very tall skinny man in a black suit, with a younger woman who was writing what Mom was saying down in her little book.  I thought, oh, shit, cops.

“Come here sweety, I want you to meet these nice people.  This is Mr. Merrick, and Mrs. Turnbull with the FBI.  And you know Mary?”


Mom was smiling hugely, waved me in closer and said,

“Well, they didn’t see the evil black mist,” Mom smiled widely at this, “but they did record everything Ms. Bobb did today, on the little video camera Mary was wearing.  Mr. Merrick comes to our bar sometimes on business, and when I saw him the other night, he offered to send Mary over, as an under cover agent.  Isn’t that cool?”

“Oh my God, are you kidding me?  She recorded everything Ms. Bobb said today?  Oh, that’s AWESOME!!!”

“Yes, dear, now calm down.  The FBI are reviewing it right now, and the first few hours were enough for them to come over and tell me they were arresting her immediately.  She’ll lose her job also, if she hasn’t already!”

“She’s going to jail Trudy, for terrorizing and the emotional abuse of minors charges, plus I believe Charlotte said she had gotten the job under false pretenses, so yes, at the least she will never teach again.”

“YES! YES! YES!  Oh man, I gotta go get Theo!!!  Oh, YES!  Oh, WOW!  I LOVE YOU, MOM!!!”

He gave her the first hug she had been allowed in a few years, since he’d been about 9 and decided he was too big for that.  It was a quick one, but she glowed with happiness.  He continued on out the door, screaming, “YES!” repeatedly, punching the air in pure joy, like he’d just received his first kiss.