just a little update….

I can’t thank you enough, all those who prayed yesterday! Believe it or not…. Douglas actually called me out of the blue last night, at around midnight!! I hadn’t heard from him in months… so I am eternally grateful for all of you who prayed.  He hasn’t stopped doing drugs yet, but he’s alive, which lets my heart rest a bit in peace!!! May Peace be with you all as well!! And God Bless every one of you who have kindness and hope in your hearts… that one day he will be saved!!!

Tribute to suicide victims – YouTube

Shards Of DuBois:

please watch this…. very powerful!!!

Originally posted on Da UGLY Ducklin:

View original

Please PRAY!

You can probably tell from my postings, I’m a little down today. And even though I have begged God to take care of my son, and Yeshuah has His greatest Archangel Michael protecting his life…

I am asking that you all, all 900 of you, say a prayer for my son Douglas. He truly needs every single prayer you can offer up. It’s been ten years now… ten years of watching my son slowly kill himself. There is no other way out of the darkness, other than with the Lord’s help!

I’ve been poised on the edge of hell for so long now, I can’t see a way out of the darkness anymore. It will take GOD to bring him back to me. Only God!

As some of you already know, I’m at the point of waiting for that horrifying phone call. We’ve tried repeatedly to get him help, but the evilness that has him in an iron grip, just won’t let go.

I thank you in advance, all of you who will pray.

And in return I pray none of you ever have to lose a child like this… cruelly, slowly, oh so painfully.

With tears streaming down my face, I beg of you… please PRAY!

Right now, with all your heart, please, please pray!

Thank you, with all my heart!

Drape Him in Angels

for tanya2

the love of a child is the greatest love of all

second only to the love I feel for The Lord

it has the ability to break my aching heart

into pieces of pain sliced up with a sword

yet life moves on in the severed silence

bringing me closer and closer towards hell

as moment by moment he slips further away

I’m watching his soul become a lifeless shell

forgive me Lord for despising the enemy

who gives him heroine and meth every day

for I know I may lose my very own soul

as I hate and I hate the evil blind way

they steal his life and chance at hope

as my heart screams out it’s so unfair

a century now he’s been lost and alone

years lost in darkness and blatant despair

yet I know You are watching him far below

holding out Your hand in a gesture of amore

but he’s still drowning in this evil and sorrow

please drape him in Angels to fight this war

With the Rain

2

I thank Almighty God

for the fierce rain

often steeped in darkness

reminiscent of Cain

ripped apart in a storm

creating a bloodstain

heaving over mountains

revealing Heaven in pain

blessing the terrain

meant to sustain

keening wildly down

God’s Holy face

veiled with tearstain

seeing His children slain

souls greedy and vain

covered in an unholy stain

bound by a selfish chain

eternally descending

with the rain

The Greatest Mother of All

Mom highschool grad picture

Ok, enough of the Arizona pics… I miss my beautiful green lush mountains. And already, I miss my Mom, Rosalie Ann.

Had a lovely week in AZ with my Mom, which made me realize a few things.

She is 76 years old, and as I watched her struggling to get out of a chair, her hips hurting badly, I realized the time was drawing nearer. She’s very healthy with the exception of arthritis, swims quite a bit and is still working to survive. I have brothers who have retired already, yet my Mom is still working. There is something VERY wrong with that. Some days I truly wished I would win the lotto, just so I could end this for her, but my life hasn’t been easy, or blessed with a job that could make that happen. These are the days when I hate greed, the government, and the huge corporations stealing every bit of life from those who can’t afford it. She’s been working her entire life, after raising 8 children into amazing people, (lol) or good humans, I should say. Yet at 76, she is still forced to work to put food on the table. Her SSI isn’t enough. There is something SO VERY wrong about that.. it makes me crazy. Crazy angry.

But mostly, it makes me sad. I would give her the world if I could. At the very least, I would give her a home and let her rest for the first time in her life. Let her just enjoy life for a change. Yet, as I sat visiting with her, she reminded me that she had been SECRETLY saving money for me, had it hidden for me, and this nearly breaks my heart. After 51 years, she is still trying to make MY life easier. She’s embarrassed because she can’t send more than $5 to each of her grandchildren and great grandchildren on the holidays. Which she has nearly 25 of. But that’s what bothers her, not that she is still working hard to keep food on her table, but that she can’t provide little gifts for all of her family. I’ve told her repeatedly I’ll be fine, and not to worry about me, but as her baby, her little girl, it doesn’t matter what I say. She insists on putting something away for me… to help me out even after she’s gone. THAT breaks my heart.

I’ve thought about insisting my brothers and sister help her out because they can afford to, but I know she would not have it. She wouldn’t allow it, no matter why… because that is just how she is. Strong, Giving, Ornery AND Stubborn like me, even if she denies it, Intelligent and most of all, SO LOVING.

My Mom is one of the greatest mothers out there… and I do not exaggerate one bit when I say that. 

That’s why I made a special trip to see her this year, right before Mother’s day, because I am her pride and joy. I say that laughing, but it’s true. Which will probably crack her up if she reads this. Why, I have no idea, because I have always been a problem child. I have done very little to earn that pride, but it doesn’t stop her one bit from telling everyone she knows how proud and happy I make her. I wish like hell all the time that I lived closer, but she’s happy in AZ where it’s warm all year, and I hate the heat; I’ve actually had two heat strokes, so heat is NOT good for me or my health. I love winter, and rain, and storms, and truly love the spectacular beauty we have here in Washington, and even Northern AZ doesn’t come close. Plus I have made my life here with my sons. No matter how hard my life may be here, without her nearby; no matter how many jobs I go through to survive as a writer and artist; it would kill me to leave. I am drawn to the mountains and beauty like a bee to a flower.

I just hope and pray that my need to be here, isn’t as selfish as I think it is. And I pray God will always take care of her, and I know He will welcome her in when the time comes. Then finally, she will be able to rest. God Bless You Mom!!! and may He keep you close to His heart!! If I were HALF the Mother you are, I would be a great Mom. I love you Mom! More than you can imagine. More than you could ever love me!!!! You are, and always will be… the Greatest Mother of All.

A Twig of Peace

dove with twig

like a Dove

He descended from above

filled with grace and words of love

building hope below

a twig of peace to sow

His life and death to foreshadow

a coronation

a prophecy of revelation

taught to a sinful prideful nation

of disbelief

fostered in grief

torn apart with no hope of relief

to be betrayed

by His words waylaid

and twisted into a sinful crusade

to be hung

from the highest rung

of Jacob’s ladder by an evil tongue

yet His atonement

fulfilled a commandment

to save us all from eternal torment

was like a Dove

filled completely with love

He’s still longing for you to join Him above

not in a tree

or in the blue sky you see

but squarely and forever upon His knee

The Darkness You Anoint

cacti with eyes 2

Lost in a dry desolate life

void of the gentle touch of kindness

tortured by thorns turned inward,

those you may see or not.

Tossed aside for its deeds

and ignorant actions

when you could teach love

instead of disdain

and shame and pain.

For it is you who cast them

into dust and hopelessness

suffering hate, failure and loss

greater than a broken heart

greater than a wounded soul

as they are forgotten and rejected

by all who pass by.

Stepping aside quickly

to avoid apathy and guilt

until these thorns you see pointing

a straight path to love

have grown weary and fall

into the darkness you anoint…

For each soul etched with rain

forms more thorns strengthened

with each drop of pain.

Cast

cacti two tall ones

as a fever settles the wind

a keen rises from stone

a shade deeper than dried blood

its time withered and prone

its dust taught to flee

across a shimmering sky

dancing with a warm breeze

clinging to rocks spired high

naive gusts pulling apart veins

spreading an ancient ore

baked cracked and empty rains

cast upon a dry shore

Perceptions

5

 

floating away in a sea of clouds

of an age beyond innocent fury

watching the bonds blown apart

from above the will of a squall

the marriage of a lifetime looms

the accomplished rooted in a gale

the flurry fills a graceless culture

while I float away just a balloon

not even a permanent mist

slightly just out of reach

pausing when others run

pushed about in a storm

of my own gusty perceptions

watching them growing smaller

as I continue to travel on

leaving behind nothing humble

slowly becoming a bloated zealot

but then dubiously I burst

a wondrous splay of color

playing amongst the gray

dense edge of emptiness

Unaltered Pic of the Day ~ God’s Painting!

perfection

absolute stunning perfection

a presence only Almighty God could imagine

our brains too tiny to weave the edge of a petal

or ring a bell just as the sun rises

but this Tulip He Created

is pure innocence brushed with righteousness

pushed to the front of His stage

by the fresh spring of green

the brilliant Glory He Is

~~~

Painting by Hand of God

(I only took a picture of it)

CRIMSON

red maple 2

 

 

we celebrate

the day it started

with palms and fronds

piled at His feet

reaching up so far

as to blind the people

gloating in alleys

planning to hurt

blades rising up

stalking His Grace

craving His Glory

green with a sickness

soon to be passed over

in a perfect crimson

reeds bloodied by burden

shimmering beyond on high

the Light of a Savior

given the shaft

Posing

1

Posing

4-1-15

 

rain

dripping down the pane

feels cold somehow

rehearsed pain

blurring the tree bows

beards stretched to straggly

a streak of bleak

posing in front of pale

gray the star today

a silent drip slicker

leaving shadows nothing to say

a trillion pause to bicker

only speaking as a spatter

numbed listlessly

duped into matter

Swelling

5a

as shadows play across a quiet scene

a raging river rushes by unseen

rippling down the rocks of a crowded bed

I wonder why satan has immersed and led

us down this path strewn with his lies

diluting and surging he forever tries

to blind us from truth and Heavenly hope

like water racing down a cascading slope

slippery and slimy and covered in moss

our journey turns into sadness and loss

the greatest deceit found under fame

of Yeshuah’s dishonor just in His name

for when the river began to carve the sod

His name meant simply The Salvation of God

still the stream churned and danced across

miles of boulders until it came to a cross

where it washed even Him with pure salvation

drowning all evil and saving a lost nation

to this day we dishonor His amazing grace

submerging our world in entrenched disgrace

channeling his name into a soiled form

and speaking it daily making it the norm

like my tears washing over cheek and bone

I can almost hear Yeshuah’s swelling moan

Creation

5

pulling the clouds down to make mountains

a swirl here, a puff there

the dark ridge to the left mimicking an earlier creation

of a mountain ridge covered in snowpack

but they’re just clouds

clouds making my heart flutter

hanging low just above the rise of earth

as darkness and light decide who’s in charge

their gentle battle rarely causing harm

yet creating a pastel of unbelief

shimmering, hanging in the balance

by the greatest hand to ever wave across the sky

to show us

what Heaven must truly be like

ah… but the Glory of a Sunrise…

1

Ah… but the Glory of a Sunrise saying “Let there be light!”

I often wonder does God give us sunrises just because He loves us?

I can’t imagine any other reason for them being so utterly beautiful.

So blindingly incredible!

Does He just want to remind us that He is here, or He is just waking up?

Does He want us to see the Glory and stop for a moment and say “good morning”?

Or is He just showing off His amazing talent? Talent I’ve never found anywhere else.

Talent by us, who have never ever even come close.

The beauty takes my breath away as I stand there in awe… and finally after I

frantically get my camera out, take multiple shots, hoping to catch the best shot…

I inhale the Glory slowly… and say…

“Good Morning God, and a beautiful day to you, too!”

Daring the Air to Weep

1 

the earth felt it deep in the vibrating stone

with each crash echoing as thunder cracked the sky

rolling darkness swirled into being

while the son fought to gain entry

heat rose fuelling the clouds daring the air to weep

as the pure beacon of light broke free it streaked across Heaven

scorching the mountain

and became Him

exploding in a glorious burst

for it had found the reason it existed

An Afternoon Stroll

1

taking a stroll along the riverside

heading up stream because the bank swells up there

fewer boulders to stub their toes on

more sunlight around that curve they’ll happily share

they inch their way so slowly

even the deer and elk didn’t notice right away

never making a run for it

having all the time in the world they bend to say

snagging along dragging into eons

their roots opposing this high speed dashing

barking knees creak and groan

breaking records only in the quarter mile passing

not only pines and evergreens

squirrel stashes and underground bunny holes too

but leaving behind painful peckers

a rocky past and the downtrodden touristy view

Happy Birthday Son!

You’re 25 today, and I remember your birth like it was yesterday. Rushed to the hospital at 90 mph, the sheer terror at the thought of losing you. Then it quickly became a long drawn out terror, but with God helping it became a little less each hour, each day, until finally at 4 lbs, you got to come home. Then the real hell began, filled almost equally with pure adoring love. You had to be fed every hour on the hour for a year and a half, before your stomach grew large enough to eat enough you weren’t starving to death. All that resulted in a mother who lost her mind. Who seriously went from a normal person, to someone who was suffering from sleep deprivation and running literally on auto pilot. My auto pilot was God. I might not have known it at the time, but I know it now. He had to have been watching over us, because until you began to sleep five and six hours at a time, I was a frizzy haired zombie. But you started to catch up and fill out into this amazing little boy, who stole my heart on day one, and proceeded to fill it to the brim every day after. You had this way of looking, that melted my heart into a puddle of happiness…

1

and there it is!

Oh but I love you Douglas, my Dooglemeister, my Dougalug, my Little Man, my light.

Happy Birthday, Love Mom

The Path Ahead

1

head down

standing back in a quiet rage

watching your world go up in a silent blaze

you scream inside

only hear your own voice

raving deep down you have no choice

the heat searing

sweat dripping down your spine

your fear becoming cancer…

growing yet benign

running like the wind

concentrating on the path ahead

heart racing as your feet outweigh lead

looking down once again

your footprints trailing once more

then you realize…

you’ve been there before

Change

4

March 6, 2015

These spring flowers have been blooming now for over 2 weeks. They are planted

in North West Washington! A rainforest. Where spring comes in April!

Not February!

I just felt the dire need to document the decline of our atmosphere. Our spring

has been moved up an entire month. Now think about the drought that will follow

this summer. Our summer will probably continue into fall like it did last year,

reaching into September. With the crazy weather back east mounting to disaster

levels no matter the storm, if you had any doubts about global warming,

you had better wake up and take a look around you. We have altered our planet,

beyond what is the norm of cycles for massive weather scale size changes.

You can only leave your head buried in the sand for so long, before you need to breathe.

Think about it, I beg you… there are many different ways you alone can make a difference.

And if we each believe by changing our habits in just one way,

we are all joining together to make change in a great way, then

we will change!!

bruises in blossom

2

faded blue

bowing down

heart spread wide

with nothing to fear

but the loss of sapphire

bruises in blossom

witnesses to a rare burst

throwing off adoration

not able to avoid hanging

its head in shame

for it knows no beauty

other than its own

Blue

 

11

(I know it’s bright, but do you see the two Great Blue Heron’s fishing?)

~~~~~~~

 

Clouds on a winter day, a million shades of gray

But the sky is a blue gem, God’s choice on a whim

Water a cold deep blue, hiding nothing from a birds eye view

Ripples behind the breaking rocks, against the trees it knocks

Newborn twigs fighting for light, fish stay clean out of sight

A typical day on a river, glorious life in a sliver

Expressions Of…

Kaelynn 4 Kaelynn 6

If you knew me, you would know these expressions are mine…  :)  #my gbabygirl

I hope she stays that way; full of life, full of curiosity, full of love

Have a great day all… sit back and enjoy a moment of wonder, where you watch from

a distance, yet inhale the glory in this moment watching your beloved. Cherish it.

Then remember You are God’s Beloved, and He feels just like you do!  XXOO

Below the Surface

5

His childhood buried a darkness that can be forgiven one day

Her first love controlled with bitter anger creating angels

Both sisters were afraid to go to bed but still call him father

Two brothers fled at the first chance yet broke the cycle

They lost both their sons to war while believing in the cause

On every inch of our planet you will find life

In every extreme with pain and suffering abounding

There is no black or white or purple or green

There is only pain and hope and sadness and joy

If you look inside just below the surface of wounds

You will find we are all the same

We are all different

Yet… we are all the same

Fold’s

2

someone drew the veil

letting the sunshine pour in

warming life into living

fold’s in a thick blanket

wrinkled at the edge of hope

curling over an insignificant

trifle of eternity

a forever green comforter

covering miles

and miles

the perfect size

for God

Tempest

1

 

I reach out

I pull back

constant chaos

stranded on that cliff

a tempest raging

you need Him so badly

He’s right there

waiting

His breath against your soul

fluttering your hair

open your heart

you’re one step away

take it

run

run like the wind

before it pushes me off

Serenity!

4

As I drove away from work this morning, I had to stop and take this…. it says “serenity” to me.

Good Morning All. Have a wonderful day. Give a stranger a hug. Stop and give that homeless

guy a couple bucks. Love someone. Someone you don’t know. Your entire day will be peaceful.

at peace and free

4

sad I can’t find him

hovering just there

the tiniest miracle

flitting through the air

making a clicking noise

as he kisses in flight

a miniature rainbow

sparkling green light

but some things about

you don’t need to see

you know they are there

at peace and free

kissing the blossoms

relishing the honey

I think of my life

and dream it was me

Red Ruby

3

Rhubarb should’ve been called Red Ruby

for it’s blood red color of birth

and Rhubarb doesn’t describe it’s beauty

or it’s delicious bountiful worth

one step away…

You never need to shout

Your thunder isn’t anger

it’s Your great power

unleashed yet tamed

for it is needed

to water Your flowers

You never need to scream

to be heard in the chaos

we just need to listen

when You offer us quietly

death into a beautiful eternity

we think we must jump

run to catch up or race wildly

but we are only one step away

from an unbelievable heaven

from such utter happiness

just one tiny step away

from You

You reach out gently

and touch my soul

Your Spirit whispers so softly

I AM here forever

waiting breathlessly for you

~~~~~~~

now I understand

why You whisper

for You are only

one step away

~~~~~~~

“Is the reason you whisper because you’re one step away?” Jason Upton

A book of nameless faces

2-5-15 sunset

the youth of today seem so very lost

the internet creating insecurity and isolation

facebook becoming a book of nameless faces

reaching out for love and desperate consolation

as elders we grew up without being slammed

by images of false beauty and fake fame

most of us remember a time before TV

where a sunset was glory without shame

I wish we could teach them they’re missing out

on a life in real time filled with touch

where self esteem grows with earned value

interaction blessing others, hugs and such

we’ve created this world of robotic loss

full of selfishness and loneliness abroad

where a vast high speed emptiness

is supremely void of a relationship with God

Cherish

1

life is so short, so precious

not always so sweet

yet I look forward, and up

to the place we will meet

after a long span, or a moment

slips by in a single blink

we wonder, what did we miss

what did they think

so I say to you, on this day

love love love all you can

cherish above all, every second

for there is no greater plan

I’ve been browsing stories I wrote last year, to submit to a publisher, and came across this one… although its not what I needed, I thought you might enjoy it, in case you missed it the first time. :)

Behold Love!

I went in search of something, I wasn’t really sure what. I ended up at the top of mountain, sat down, leaned against a rock and thought; This is what God see’s, from His point of view. Every thing so tiny, colorful, yet we only see about 1% of the color spectrum, so I thought He must see even more glory. I inhaled slowly, inhaling the brisk, even the molds and damp grasses tickled my nose, the heather just starting to purple. I hear birds calling to me, and wonder what they say; go away, go away. My mind continues on, I let it ramble, ignoring all the junk in my life, down there. I’m above it, I think. Rise above it, I think, and look upwards naturally following my own thoughts.

I finally notice the glow nearby, off to my left, the clouds are almost burning. It startles me out of my mundane thoughts, and I begin to watch it closely. The white is blinding, yet yellows glow even brighter, just as a voice says to me, “I Am here.”

I nearly crack my head open, jerking back into the rock, the pain waking me to instant reality. In a tiny voice, I choke out, “Hello…Father.”

“I love you.”

“I love you.”

My heart has stopped beating, I’m gasping for air; I think I’m going to have a heart attack. Then my Father says, “Calm, child. Calm.”

I force myself to slow my breathing, feel my heart slowing down a tiny bit, then spit out foolishly, “Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.” For some reason, I think if I’m going die, I better be ready. And this is the only line that pops into my head. I could swear I hear laughter. Deep, chuckling laughter, like my own biological Father would have sounded. It eases me a bit, pretending the voice is my own Father’s, putting my mind to rest that I may not be dying after all.  Hearing what I think is my biological father’s voice actually reassure’s me, even though he passed many years ago, and a part of me knows it’s not him. It doesn’t occur to me that he’s here to usher me on… instead it calms my nerves, perfectly.

My mind starts racing, I’m talking with God, what do I say, what do I want to ask Him? The one question I’ve always wanted to know, I ask, “How did you do all this?” I look at the valley below me, the mountain peaks still covered in snow, the rivers coming together like huge snakes meeting at the bend around a hill.

“I Am.” was all He said. Well, duh, I thought. I heard the laughter again, and smiled, knowing He had read my thoughts.

“Then why?”

“Why not?”

“Because… we’re idiots. We’re destroying it ALL.”

“I create moment by moment, second by second, eternity by eternity.”

“But why us?”

“Why not? Why the bee’s? Why the cougar? I have a grand imagination, just as you.”

I was getting frustrated. I don’t know what kind of answers I wanted or expected, but these were just not detailed enough. Staring into the bright yellow light for too long, I looked away to blink, the dot blocking my vision. When I looked back the clouds were swirling. The yellow was growing, churning, and getting larger. I looked West into the sun, realizing I needed to head down soon, or I’d be hiking in the dark. But how could I possibly leave as long as God was right here, talking to me like my next door neighbor? I know instantly, He will make sure I get home safely, so I relax a bit again, back against the rock, and think. 

I’d been reading this crazy conspiracy story yesterday about what actually happened after 9-11, and the scripture it kept referencing was Isaiah 9:7, so I asked Him, “Lord?”

“Yes, my child.”

“Is it true, what I read in that book yesterday, about the scripture of Isaiah?”

“The word is always true, when I give it.”

“Is the word in the Bible true? All of it?”

“True as they saw fit to write about it.”

“But was it Your Word?”

“It was inspired by My Word.”

“Well, what should we do: should we be Jewish, or Christian, or Catholic or Muslim or…..or what?”

“You should Be Love.”

“Do we have to believe in Jesus, to go to Heaven?” I know these were childish sounding questions, to even me, but I had to get as many questions in as possible, as I didn’t know how long I had to talk to God like this. My mind was racing, chasing every single thought I had ever had about God and Jesus around in circles in my brain. I placed my hand over my heart to calm it, hearing the word “Calm” again, this time inside my head.

“Do you believe in Me?”

“Well, yes, of course.”

“Do you understand what it means to be Holy?”

“Umm, pure, honest, good, loving, kind…” I answered in a half-hearted attempt. Because really, what does Holy mean? In my eyes growing up in a Christian based dousing of beliefs, no one had ever explained to me what Holy really was. The purest of pure … what?

“Holy means I AM. To be I AM you must Be Love. I AM HOLY LOVE.”

“You are pure love? That’s what I AM means? I thought it was ‘the all knowing being’ or something.” I smile along with His laughter again.

“You have more wisdom than you share.” Ouch, I got that. Ok, straighten up, ask proper questions, don’t anger Him whatever you do.

“So many other religions don’t believe in Jesus, are they wrong?” I asked.

“I have sent many Profits, Teachers, even Yeshuah to help you. Even He couldn’t make you see the Light.”

“Have you given up on us?” I started to pray in my head that He wouldn’t say no, then realized I was about to pray to Him, who was right here, and added, “Please don’t give up on us.”

“I Am.”

“Oh thank G… God. Thank You.” This is weird. Really tripping me out. I so want to pull out a cigarette, but think I will be struck by lightning if I do, so I wring my hands instead, cross my legs and sit up, preparing myself for what I really want to know.

“May I ask another question?”

“You may.”

“What am I supposed to be doing?”

“You already know, My child.”

“What?”

“Exactly what your heart is telling you to do.”

“But what it’s telling me to do, is spread your Word, and I’m trying to do that. Don’t you want me to do anything else? Start a church; hold rallies; be a conduit for You to heal people; scream it from the mountain tops, what?”

“I want you to follow your heart, and Be Love.”

“But that’s so easy. I do that all the time.”

“Do you?”

I had to stop for a moment, and admit to myself, no, not always. Not even most of the time. But I had been trying. For several years now, I had been trying to find the truth about God and Yeshuah. Both… oh, now I know what I have to ask.

“Are you the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost? All three, yet One?” This answer alone could shock the world, if I were to repeat it. So I waited with out breathing for His answer.

“I AM HOLY! I AM LOVE! Do you understand?”

“Yes, sort of.”

“No matter the name you put to it, the teacher who teaches it, the follower who follows it, or the script you try to write about it, Love is truly all that matters.”

“So don’t waste my time on worshiping Yeshuah, just focus on You?”

“Yeshuah taught you to Love I Am First, did He not?”

“Yes, He did.”

“Is Yeshuah My Son?”

“Yes,” I answered. I truly believed He was. I could answer that honestly, because Yeshuah was the ONLY man in all of human history who had walked the Earth in pure love. Others had tried. Others had said they were, but they weren’t. For some reason, I have no idea what, but in my heart I truly believed this. He was special. Different from profits that have come and gone.

“Is the Holy Spirit my Word?”

“Yes.” I answered, half guessing this time, because I still believed they were three separate things.

“It is My Breath, My child. Yeshuah is My blood. So yes, We are I Am.” He stopped for a moment, and I stood up to draw a bit closer to the edge of the mountain, drawn to the light mesmerizing me, and sat at His feet, or what I thought were His feet.

“Was He the Truth, the Light, the Way?”

“Everything He taught was truth and light. His way is My Way.”

I felt very close to God at this point, sitting there looking up at Him. Or at His clouds, with fire in them. It didn’t matter what He looked like, I knew in my heart with out one single doubt that I was talking to God. So I asked him, like I might my own Father, “Are you disappointed in us?”

“I Am.”

At this point I wasn’t sure if He meant He was, or if He was saying again that He was Love. So I said, “Is it near the end?”

“Every second is an ending and a beginning. BE LOVE! HOLD LOVE! BEHOLD, LOVE! Every second of your life. Then your end will not matter or concern you.  There is no tomorrow. There is no yesterday. They are only in your imagination. There isn’t even ten minutes from now. There is only NOW. Every second of your life, Behold, Love.”

I paused here to think a minute, because I couldn’t get that nagging book out of my mind, so I asked Him again, “So like in that Isaiah scripture, that matches up so nicely to current events, and the Judgment you brought against them, will that happen here in the US? Have we removed You from our nation? Denied You repeatedly? Are we facing Your Judgment right now, just like they did?”

“You are one second away from all Eternity, every second of the day. Your Judgment will come when you stand before Me.”

“But have we angered You? Have we pushed You away so far, we face Your Judgment now, like in the scripture, ‘You remove the wedge of safety, You let the terrorists in, through the wall.’ Our leaders have stood and quoted that scripture, like morons, NEVER KNOWING the whole story behind it, and how each time they said WE WILL REBUILD they were only defying YOU! Repeatedly copying that scripture to the letter; they replaced the debris with a new cornerstone, the Sycamore/Fig tree was ripped up from the roots, and then they actually planted a Conifer tree in that same spot, just like a cedar, defying You again! Not once knowing they were fulfilling that ancient scripture. I just can’t believe we’re safe from Your Judgment after they vowed repeatedly to defy YOU, knowing our leaving You is our real problem, and so we did what just they did. Rebuilt higher walls, keep doing the evil shit we’re doing, and blaming it on terrorism.”

“I Am. If there is but one of you left, after the chaos you have wrought that Loves, My Mercy will cover you.”

“So individually, if we don’t believe as some do in the US, in greed, and hate, and murder, we’ll be fine.”

“If you Love, in ALL that you do, you will become love. As you become love, you become Holy. As you become Holy, you become I Am.”

“What if we don’t?”

“When you stand before Me, you will have all eternity to think about it.”

I laughed at that, and heard Him chuckle again. God had a sense of humor. He was not only pure love, but He laughed. That alone made me feel so safe and secure. Why, I don’t really know, except that I had an odd sense of humor myself, so maybe I was just relating to it. Or God actually was like my Father. So caring, so forgiving, so very loving.

I AM His child. I may be half way through my human life, but in His eyes, just like my biological Father’s, I will always be His child.

“Thank you SO much God, for all that You do for me … daily, minute by minute, I can’t even begin to thank You enough.”

“I know. I Am. Now go write a new script about Love. Be love. And know I will always Love you!”

“Yes, Father. Will You give me the Words?”

“I always do.”

I laughed again, tears eking out the corners of my eyes. I felt so good inside, I wanted to stay for ever just chatting with God, but He said, “You must go, or I will have to carry you… again.”

I laughed again, just couldn’t quit grinning up at God, just sat there basking in this wonderful overflowing Love for a minute or two. Finally I signed and asked, “You’ve been carrying me for years, and years. I hope You have one of those back braces, or something?”

“I’ve held worlds in My Hands; you, My child, are like a butterfly’s kiss. A precious butterfly I cherish.”

I stood up brushing off my pants, and smiled hugely up at the clouds, and said as I slowly backed away, just like I always do to my own sons as they head out the door, “Love you SO much.”

God answered, “Love you more.”

~~~~~~~

~~~~Scripture referenced is Isaiah 9:7 to 9:11 Quoted from Qumran Isaiah Scroll:

(7) The Lord sent a word upon Jacob and it fell in Israel. (8) And the people know, all of them, Ephraim and the inhabitants of Samaria in the pride and largeness of heart saying: (9) The bricks are fallen but with hewn stones we will build. The fig trees are cut down but we will change them to cedars. (10) And YHVH will set on high the enemies of Rezin against him and his foes. He will gather together (11) Syrians from the east and the Philistines behind and they shall eat up Israel with open mouth.  For all this His anger is not recalled but His hand is still outstretched.

HIS!

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God loves me, this I know, very, very much,

I know by His constant forgiveness and His Grace filled touch,

He has never forsaken me, never left me behind,

Not once in my life, not in one moment I can find.

~~~~~~~

As I stood here, thinking about my life, I realized something about myself that I rarely admit to.

I am the greatest of sinners. I’ve gotten into the habit, each day as I head to work, of asking God to give me the strength to not gossip. You may say to yourself, oh, that’s not a big sin, but it is. It is just as bad as murder, rape, stealing or cheating. For each and every sin.. is just that, a sin. For it not only passes on bad feelings about someone else, and shows I know nothing about true love and forgiveness, but the hate for someone else increases. I am not only hurting this person, I am telling someone else to hurt them also. I am telling them this person should not be loved. I am giving them a reason to not value this person, to not trust this person, and to dislike them, not only for their own reason for this, but adding on mine.

I tell myself, I wouldn’t gossip if I wasn’t surrounded nonstop by people who do, which is true, but it is no excuse. I have no excuse that I can see for allowing myself to jump in and add to this gossip, which I do.

I tell myself I am pulled in by their unhappiness and hate, yet maybe only once a day do I manage to not join in bashing this person.

I tell myself it’s because I work, literally, in a den of thieves. In a place where greed runs rampant, and people are rude, selfish and worshiping money. But this is still no excuse.

I also tell myself, that God has given me this job, not only because I asked for it, but because it is the greatest test of my will and faith, that could have ever been placed before me. And I have failed miserably, almost every single day of work this past year.

I try to be honest with you all, and I realized as I gazed back at some of my recent posts, that I must sound like a true Christian to some of you, but that I truly need to let you all know… this is not the case.

I am a sinner. I am so far from perfect, I am shocked some days, by what comes out of my mouth. I may not kill, I may not lie, and I may not steal, but I clearly show I do not love like God wants me to.

I truly desire to be a true Christian, but as the saying goes, I am a work in progress. I am reaching for God, I am reaching for a goal that is almost insurmountable at times… yet I AM reaching. I AM trying. And I just felt the need today to let you all know… none of us is perfect. None of us even comes close. At least no one that I know personally. And I for one, am at the top of the list!!   But…

I am trying. I am aware of my faults. I am willing to change. But I stumble, often, daily, hourly even. Still… I try.

And once I stop trying.. I will have lost the battle.

So forgive me all, for trying to sound so good and righteous, when clearly I am not. But don’t think for a moment, that I am stopping my pursuit of God! He knows me like no one else, and He still loves me with all His heart. THIS I know! And He forgives me, each day, because He knows… I am trying.

So keep trying… no matter what your battle may be… do not give up. He can forgive you any sin!! And He will. Just don’t give up trying not to commit that sin!

God Bless you all!

I am a Gentile… Why is this important…

Many of us are into a religion, rather than a relationship with God. But Yeshuah, Jesus Christ, did not teach religion. Nothing He taught changed His disciples from being Jewish. They all continued to celebrate Pentecost and to pray at Jewish Temples long after Yeshuah’s death. Paul attended synagogue and kept the laws throughout his life, and the apostles convened a council in Jerusalem. Yeshuah WAS the Lion of the tribe of Judah. He WAS the root of David.

Why do people choose to forget Jesus, Yeshuah, was a Jew? Or worse, to mock them, insisting God has forgotten them, or forsaken them?

Yeshuah was raised Jewish, taught His Father’s laws, and most importantly…

He WAS the Lamb slaughtered, for us all.

EVEN in the book of Revelation… when John weeps because no one is worthy to open the scroll, the elder speaks and says “Do not weep! See, the Lion of the tribe of Judah, the Root of David, has triumphed.”

When God spoke to Abraham, he said, “I will establish my covenant as an EVERLASTING covenant between me and you and your descendants after you.”

Do you really think God goes back on HIS WORD? Do you really think that because a few Rabbi’s made the wrong choice, one they were supposed to make, that God would condemn Israel? NO! He said to Abraham, “…I will bless those who bless you, and whoever curses you I will curse, and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you.”

We, the Gentiles were meant to be grafted into Israel. PLEASE don’t let any church, any religion, blind you from the WORD spoken from Jesus’ own mouth.

You can not believe only HALF of what He said, and ignore the rest. I am NOT saying you need to become Jewish, for God Loves Gentiles too, what I am saying is that the Jewish were to be a light for us, to lead us to Israel. If you truly believe that Jesus was the Lion who shed his blood as the Lamb to save us and give us a chance at an eternity with God, you must believe ALL that He said.

He said He would return, when the fullness of the Gentiles shines on Israel. Yeshuah did NOT mean fullness as in numbers, he meant “complete”. He meant, when we, the gentiles, were completely brought into the fold of Israel. 

It ISN’T the other way around, we are not to bring the Jewish people out of Israel, we are to JOIN the Jewish people in Israel…becoming Israel… and when this is done, Yeshuah, our Christ Jesus, will come again.

He meant: the full representation of every tribe, language, people and nation ordained by God to be saved in His Final Plan of Salvation.

In Psalms it says, “The Law of the Lord is Perfect.” And Jesus, Yeshuah said, “This is my command…that you love one another.”

It is so simple, and yet we seem to have missed it. Even if the Jews do not believe that Yeshauh was their own Messiah… it does not matter one bit. Because through Jesus Christ, Yeshuah, Son of God, we are all given a chance at Salvation! He did not come to replace the laws of God; He came to enhance them and let us know, we are all under Grace.

Therefore, my final words to you all today, is something that God said long ago that I will (badly) paraphrase, ‘When you pray today, ask God to forgive the sins of your fathers also. You may not be able to repent for your ancestors and all they did, but you can pray for them to be forgiven, so that you and your family will not continue to be cursed from this day forward.”

Have a lovely Blessed day my friends! And hope to see you all someday soon in ISRAEL!!!

:) Love, Deb

It’s a sad sad day in Seattle….

but… we are still CHAMPIONS!!! And our guys played with their hearts!! And we STILL LOVE THEM!!!

See ya all at the Super Bowl NEXT YEAR!!!  :)

The Breadth

blog2

a whisper through the trees called to me

as silence settled into my soul

nothing stirred but the light’s rays

touching me in tiny bursts of peace

the sky a halo swirling above

in blue wisps between the leaves

as the breeze spoke in a hushed murmur

“no matter the number

or darkness before you

His kingdom shines beyond

the breadth of the gap”

teeheehee

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the Elk tiptoed through the Mole condo complex

passing up the greatest opportunity

a Mormon ever laid eyes on

(teeheehee)

hugged

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the clouds hugged the mountains yesterday

missing them after days of sunshine

their silk draped fingers caressing

the solid rocks with a gentle touch

tucking them in for a night

then the sunshine came out again

and demanded they leave

much to my delight

Dying Time

Shards Of DuBois:

beautiful!!

Originally posted on Poesy plus Polemics:

"Snowy Winter Landscape with Homestead" Painting by Michael Graves From liveauctioneers.com “Snowy Winter Landscape with Homestead”
Painting by Michael Graves
From liveauctioneers.com

bury me under the snows
of a quiet cold morning
no need for the green
blades of summer to
cheer my eternity
white blankets
comfort my
everlast
peace

death
occurs in
each season
but wintertime
renders its purity
white with celestial
endowment soft light
unimpeded falls leafless
from heaven’s own fingers

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